My girlfriend has fairly low self-esteem, not necessarily about her appearance, but mainly to do with her work life. She has had a couple of jobs in the past three years, but cannot seem to hang onto one, or like one. She recently started a new job and really likes it, and is ‘going all in’ on it and giving it all the effort she can. It is requiring her to move away from her family and she is scared/has doubts about it. Here is where we started a fight. I was trying to console her about it and asked her why she was doubting herself (dumb question, I know), but I was trying to encourage her that she could do it. I tried telling her that I get nervous about work and life all the time and for some reason that made her mad. She got upset and said that I never had any problems, my jobs always went well and people liked me and I was really successful in, not only work, but pretty much everything I did. She listed off a bunch of things that I did really well and after that much nothing I said made her feel better…pretty much made it worse. I know she is scared about the move and I should just encourage her that she can do it, but is there anything else I can do? I can’t relate to her (at least she won’t let me) in any way on this job. I feel like my success makes her feel inadequate…

She might be a little jealous of you, and the way you handle yourself with life. Please don't talk with her anymore about this new job... it's makes her nervous, and maybe even a little resentful of you.
Be there for her if she wants your help, but "butt out" and the old saying goes, and let her handle her own life with this. Best wishes, and good luck. By the way, I am 71 yrs old, and have some experience with friends, too.

That is really good advice, I am going to stop asking her about it. There are so many other things we can talk about too. I should just let her bring it up if she wants to.

One thing that might come into play is a common difference between men and women. Often women want to just vent and be heard and commiserate, and just want to know you empathize and are sorry for what we are feeling. Men are typically wired to want to solve the problem. When a man offers solutions or advice to the woman who is venting, she might feel that he is disregarding how hard it is, or telling her the obvious. It's kind of a no-win situation for the guy.

My recommendation is that if it comes up again that you ask her "what can I do to make this better for you? I'm sorry it's so hard for you." She might say, "nothing". You might just offer a romantic gesture - flowers or a card telling her how proud you are of her or something.

When she's not all wound up, you might take the opportunity to tell her, "I know it's probably really hard on you that you've had several job changes. I hope you know I don't judge you for it. I think you've had some bad situations and made the best of them, and I see how hard you work and how smart you are. I think it's a product of a tough economy and the quality of jobs you've had to pick from. I'm sorry if it sounds sometimes like I'm minimizing how hard this is for you. What I'm trying to convey to you is that I have faith in you. And I've just tried to make you feel better. I don't always know how to do it right, but just know I'm trying."

I think she would appreciate this but if she's venting and unloading her stress, that will not be a time when she will be able to listen to reason.

Good for you for sticking by her and trying to be supportive. I have had struggles in my career with some bad situations and exasperation over having to look for something else too often, and it would have been nice at certain times to have someone care as much as you do for your girlfriend.

Thanks for your help, I know, I guess I am just trying to help her, when the best thing to do would just be to listen. It is hard to try and not offer solutions, but in this case it is necessary. I do like what you said in the third paragraph, I will send her an email in a few days conveying that to her. I feel for her, she is leaving her family and friends and moving far away, and I just want to help her out... probably just talking about anything other than work will make her feel better.

Thanks again!