Ask Me Help Desk - I feel so alone. Now my best friend is abandoning me too.

Since the end of December my life has been going in a serious downward spiral, and I feel like I've lost everything and everyone I care about.
Over winter break my grandfather died, then my best friend/boyfriend broke up with me, and my female best friend (we've been best friends for 12-13 years) started pulling away from me because she says that I "depress" her with my problems.
My parents don't know anything about my life because I don't tell them anything since the times I have, my mom in particular just uses my problems as social gossip and takes it personally that I hadn't told her sooner. Although it is my own fault, that's why I feel alienated from my parents recently, because they can't know anything about my life or talk to me about it.
Additionally, I was slightly delirious with a fever last night and I caused drama within the band I'm in (the band is my life and recently my only source of happiness), and it has caused two of our band members to question whether they want to be in the band at all anymore. Those two band members are my ex and my other best friend who has been supporting me where my other friend was abandoning me and now I'm afraid I'm going to lose her too.
Usually I am the one patching up the holes that drama between people caused, and I use to be able to understand people really well and fix things between them easily, and the problems I've been having lately would have been no big deal in the past, but I just seem to be screwing things up more at every turn.
I am depressed, and have been diagnosed with GAD earlier in my life. I'm on low doses of anti-depressant to treat the anxiety.
My best friend is really depressed too, she has a therapist and also suffers from clinical depression, as does my ex-boyfriend/best friend.
A week after we broke up he texted me what appeared to be a ranting of his life-problems and fears, and was very clearly suicidal.
I went with his other best friend to a counselor to get help for him, and it was maybe the hardest thing I ever had to do because he's a very private person and I am the only one that he has ever let inside his head.
My best friend says that I depress her because she's trying to live a peaceful, anti-climatic life and she says I drag her down.
I am always here for her to listen to her too, and giver her advice where she needs it, and she knows that. That has always been our relationship.
I'm just afraid of losing the band and the friendship that I have with my other female friend.
Those two things are the only things keeping me going recently.
I usually have straight A's in school, but not I have a couple of C's and B's because I haven't been able to be productive with so much anxiety, fear, and depression.
I wake up most mornings crying and it's hard for me to get out of bed.
I know my ex still loves me, the reason we broke up wasn't because either of us lost feelings for each other. Regardless, we can't be together.
I'm trying to stay positive, and I am usually an optimistic person, but it's so hard right now. I just want to stay in bed and sleep. How do I stay positive and productive through all of this?
I'm 17, so is my best female friend and my ex. My other good female friend in the band is 16.

First off who diagnosed you and gave you medication to control it? Another thing is that Im sorry for your loss. There is never a good time for it to happen.

That being said this may be a time for you to reflect on your life and where you want it to start heading. Your almost an adult and almost out of high school (if you aren't already). All of us have reached a crossroad where we have to re-evaluate where we are and where we are heading. Much of your emotion and feelings are quite normal but your perspective of them at this time in your life makes all the difference. As far as talking with your mom have you tried talking to her about her dad / your grandfather. Since your in a band maybe allow his spirit to inspire you to make a song. The fact that you have concerns about connecting with others in your world makes you normal. If your friends can't deal with it then maybe they weren't as deep of friends as you have thought. You sound like a kind person and maybe you can use this time to expand on that and consider the future. Yours as well as where you want to see your world going. Music be it alone or in a group has amazing healing powers. I know I have lived it.

Just try to remember that when one door closes it means another is going to open up. Don't seal yourself away you have too much to celebrate. The slipping grades may be do to the therapy you are receiving for your condition. Try to be positive. This will all seem like a blur down the road and with your new perspective you will have a handle on the things you need most. Don't let yourself down.

Understanding where you are with what you have. Ref:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001915/

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

First off who diagnosed you and gave you medication to control it? Another thing is that Im sorry for your loss. There is never a good time for it to happen.

That being said this may be a time for you to reflect on your life and where you want it to start heading. Your almost an adult and almost out of high school (if you arent already). All of us have reached a crossroad where we have to re-evaluate where we are and where we are heading. Much of your emotion and feelings are quite normal but your perspective of them at this time in your life makes all the difference. As far as talking with your mom have you tried talking to her about her dad / your grandfather. Since your in a band maybe allow his spirit to inspire you to make a song. The fact that you have concerns about connecting with others in your world makes you normal. If your friends can't deal with it then maybe they werent as deep of friends as you have thought. You sound like a kind person and maybe you can use this time to expand on that and consider the future. Yours as well as where you want to see your world going. Music be it alone or in a group has amazing healing powers. I know I have lived it.

Just try to remember that when one door closes it means another is going to open up. Dont seal yourself away you have too much to celebrate. The slipping grades may be do to the therapy you are recieving for your condition. Try to be positive. This will all seem like a blur down the road and with your new perspective you will have a handle on the things you need most. Dont let yourself down.

Understanding where you are with what you have. Ref:
Generalized anxiety disorder - PubMed Health

Thank you so much for responding,
When I was thirteen I was diagnosed by a psychologist, who gave me coping techniques and exercises (which I followed religiously). However, about two years later, when symptoms did not improve and it was seriously impairing my ability to function on a day to day basis, I was put on the medication by a referred psychiatrist.
Music is certainly a savior in my life, I don't know where I would be without it.
The band is breaking up, but I will certainly continue making music on my own.
As for my best friend, she is still distancing herself from me, and it hurts, but I'm becoming friends with my ex again, (he's now dating another girl, too.) so he's offering me a little more support. I hate to say it, but it's hard having so many depressed people around you. I love that they can relate to when I'm going through, and I can offer them support and understanding as well, but it can be hard, because sometimes when I need their support they can't be there for me because they're busy dealing with their own problems.
I have learned to cope with my symptoms mostly on a day-to-day basis, because I've dealt with it for so long, but my best friend and ex were diagnosed only about a year or so ago. They're still learning how to deal with it all.
Right now, the spiral of awful events has kind of stopped, and I'm picking up the pieces and trying to put myself back together now.

From your writing you have a winning attitude and that of a survivior. Congratulations on getting a handle on things and holding them at bay to tackle one step at a time. Your moving in the right direction. Stay strong. Life has many twists to throw at you and right now your building the foundations to handle them as they approach you. Your empathy towards your friends is to be applauded. So don't give up just yet and realize that the road your one is just a different one at the moment.

Anytime you have questions. Not just on this subject but others also then feel free to ask away here on AMHD. Welcome to the community. If you like maybe you might consider an article for the blog we have here as your perspective is an important one that represents hope to the hopeless.

Have an awesome day.

Speaking as someone who has been depressed off and on from my teens through the present, and I'm 66, I can relate to all of this, except that when I was young the word wasn't even in my vocabulary.. My high school principal said he wondered why I wasn't a JD (juvenile delinquent, a catch all term) from what he knew of my family life.
I can appreciate people who don't want to be around someone who is unloading problems frequently and for long stretches each time. It isn't easy to vent and keep it short! I have been on both the talking and listening end and have often said that there is nothing more depressing than a depressed person. Some years I was so sensitive to bringing others down that I didn't talk to anyone. A sigh, eyes looking away, a little remark - it DOES bring people down.

The trick is to ask to be around friends and say 'Please let me hang out and let me be.'

I'm not buying your story of last night, sorry. Yes, having a fever can make you a bit delirious, but you'd be flat on your back if you weren't able to control yourself and go home. Try to stay away from crutches and even diagnoses. Many diagnoses were invented for insurance purposes. I'm not saying that depression and anxiety don't exist, but saying you 'have a diagnosis' can become all of you instead of a small part of you.

What to do? Make a vow to cut your needy quotient way way down. I'm only assuming all this, not by how you sound, but by the people abandoning you. They probably all know your problems by now, and a lot of it is rehash? I rehashed my mother so much I'm surprised that I still have the friends I had when she was alive. My only defense is that they agreed that she was a terror. Sit down with yourself and write a letter (not an email) to your best friend, since she's the most important. Say you are cutting out ALL venting, and ask if she will allow you back in to her life with some formal get togethers for specific events, rather than just talking. College plans! Summer jobs! Something!

Then go apologize to the band. Good luck. I think you can mend this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

From your writing you have a winning attitude and that of a survivior. Congratulations on getting a handle on things and holding them at bay to tackle one step at a time. Your moving in the right direction. Stay strong. Life has many twists to throw at you and right now your building the foundations to handle them as they approach you. Your empathy towards your friends is to be applauded. So dont give up just yet and realize that the road your one is just a different one at the moment.

Anytime you have questions. Not just on this subject but others also then feel free to ask away here on AMHD. Welcome to the community. If you like maybe you might consider an article for the blog we have here as your perspective is an important one that represents hope to the hopeless.

Have an awesome day.

Wow thank you so much :)
I really appreciate the support

Quote:

Originally Posted by joypulv

Speaking as someone who has been depressed off and on from my teens through the present, and I'm 66, I can relate to all of this, except that when I was young the word wasn't even in my vocabulary.. My high school principal said he wondered why I wasn't a JD (juvenile delinquent, a catch all term) from what he knew of my family life.
I can appreciate people who don't want to be around someone who is unloading problems frequently and for long stretches each time. It isn't easy to vent and keep it short! I have been on both the talking and listening end and have often said that there is nothing more depressing than a depressed person. Some years I was so sensitive to bringing others down that I didn't talk to anyone. A sigh, eyes looking away, a little remark - it DOES bring people down.

The trick is to ask to be around friends and say 'Please let me hang out and let me be.'

I'm not buying your story of last night, sorry. Yes, having a fever can make you a bit delirious, but you'd be flat on your back if you weren't able to control yourself and go home. Try to stay away from crutches and even diagnoses. Many diagnoses were invented for insurance purposes. I'm not saying that depression and anxiety don't exist, but saying you 'have a diagnosis' can become all of you instead of a small part of you.

What to do? Make a vow to cut your needy quotient way way down. I'm only assuming all this, not by how you sound, but by the people abandoning you. They probably all know your problems by now, and a lot of it is rehash? I rehashed my mother so much I'm surprised that I still have the friends I had when she was alive. My only defense is that they agreed that she was a terror. Sit down with yourself and write a letter (not an email) to your best friend, since she's the most important. Say you are cutting out ALL venting, and ask if she will allow you back in to her life with some formal get togethers for specific events, rather than just talking. College plans! Summer jobs! Something!

Then go apologize to the band. Good luck. I think you can mend this.

Thanks for the response.
I definitely do vent a lot to my friends, and that's not usually a problem, because it's a give-and-take, and they vent to me too.
A couple nights ago my best friend called me and apologized for ignoring me and pulling away from me when I most needed her support and love. She also vented to me her problems right now, and asked for advice, so I think we might be okay again.
I apologized to the band and explained everything, and we're all on good terms again, even though the band is breaking up.
I am feeling like things are becoming more manageable now, my life is in a weird transitional stage right now, and of course there are good days and bad, but with these social problems mostly mended, it's getting easier.

Yes, 17 is definitely a weird transitional time. You whole life away from people you grew up with looms ahead. Friends change feelings on a dime. Good luck.