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Ok so I have been in treatment for a very long time. I just got out 4 weeks ago and me and my boyfriend have had a lot of sex, but now I'm pregnant and I really don't want to be. But I do at the same time like how am I suppose to tell him I am. I'm very very scared and I don't know who to talk to because my friends would freak out and not be my friend. I'm only 16, how am I suppose to take care of a baby? I'm just getting used to be 16, September 2 was my birthday. I'm like FREAKING OUT.
Just sit him down and tell the truth. It may seem crazy but it's the easiest way. I mean he did contribute to this. You have to be aware that there are still a few rules when it comes to telling your boyfriend that you are pregnant. For instance, make sure you tell him FIRST. He doesn’t want to hear it from your other friends or some other stranger before he even knows what’s up. Secondly, make sure that you have this conversation when you are not in the midst of a heated discussion, when he is sober and when he is not in a bad mood. Don’t pussyfoot around with your news, hold it in for weeks, and then blurt it out and certainly don’t test the waters! Lastly, don’t tell him over the phone, by sending him an email or a text. Just remember, you will be the one carrying this child so you have the final say in choosing which path you'd want to take.
First he needs to know, and if your friends would freak out and not be your friends, you are better off without them, honestly, A real friend will not leave you for something like this.
There are many options, from abortion to adoption. To allowing a family member raise the child for you. At 16 you are really not ready for this, I doubt the father of this child has a job and can support both of you.
A local women's clinic or Planned Parenthood in your area can provide you with details of options you may have
So, you ignored all the advice you received 2 years ago and had sex with your boyfriend. (is this the same boy who was pressuring you here: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/sex-498115.html).
And now the very things we warned you about are coming true.
What were you in treatment for? How far along are you? Are you sure you are pregnant?
As Chuck said you have options. But first (unless you choose to abort) you need to tell your parents. If you are going to have the child, you need to start with pre-natal vitamins and other treatment.
You played at being an adult and now you have to grow up fast and be one.
Well yea he is the same guy but I made him wait for 1 yr 7 months and well I'm scared he wants the kid and no he doesn't have a job or anything I didn't ignore your advice I just waited a long time to do it and there is nooo way I am aborting I'm against it its like killing a person same as murder and I will tell him I just really can't do this alone but I told my parents this morning and they told me to get out of the house and never come back so now I'm living with him so yea I really wish like I had people to talk to about this I'm sorry for ranting and raving about this I hope you all forgive me
I was in treatment because I tried to kill myself and my family was abusive
And I am sure I am took 3 pg test all positive and I'm about 1 month1 1\2 weeks
A pregnancy test can't tell you how far along you are.
I'm sorry you are in this predicament. Had you listened to us in the first place you wouldn't be. Now you have to make decisions.
Abortion isn't murder. Well, I guess it depends on your beliefs. However, how do you plan on paying medical bills? How do you plan on paying for formula? Diapers? Clothes? Toys?
You were in "treatment" for suicidal ideations. How do you plan on raising a mentally and physically healthy child if you aren't mentally healthy yourself?
Adoption is an option. You are not prepared to be a mother at this point in your life.
I believe that being a mother is someone who loves there baby one no matter what will take care of them first yea I'm a little messed up in the head but I will be like this forever I can't do anything about it it's a part of my life and so will this baby be I can get a job my boyfriend said he will look for one he applied at bk and now mcdonalds I know its not much but his family knows now to and they are happy they will be having a baby come into the world thanks guys for tlking to me but honestly you all are bringing me down and I really don't need it so I'm sorry but honestly only positive stuff about my baby
First of all, are you still in treatment? For what? Mental illness? Substance abuse? Have you used alcohol or drugs while you were pregnant?
Second, have you seen a doctor? Is the pregnancy confirmed with a test?
As for how to tell people, first of all there are people who must know and there are people you do not have to tell right now. Start with your parents. They may be hurt or angry but you will need their help. If you have a counselor, I would recommend you have a counseling session including your parents and have the counselor help you in sharing this news and beginning the conversation.
You have some time to consider your options. Your parents can help you sort it out. I would not make broad announcements until you decide what you want to do, or the whole world will be forcing their opinions on you. At your age, gossip is rampant so I would keep it to your family for now - you can always tell friends later, but you can't untell somebody. Give yourself some time to deal with this before you have to deal with too many other people's reactions, like all your friends.
It sounds like you have a pretty self-destructive lifestyle. That has to stop now. It's not about you now - it's about this baby. No alcohol, no caffeine, no drugs, no cigarettes, no parties, no irresponsible or bad or violent people if there have been any in your past. Work with your counselor and your parents and you'll get through this.
Ok, so you "love your baby no matter what"? How much do you love your baby that you will raise her in poverty? How much do you love your baby when you plan to subject her to a mother that clearly can't take care of herself, let alone a baby? How much do you love your baby that you will risk the baby's life as well as your own when you may not be physically able to carry the child? How much do you love your baby that you want the child to come into the world with a father who will grow to resent the child and you because he has to work menial jobs because he couldn't finish school because you forced him to become a father before he was ready.Quote:
Originally Posted by rollie-pollie
No you don't love this child. You have no conception of what it really means to love a child. You are a selfish, self centered immature child who has no business being pregnant. The best thing that can happen to this child is for social services to step in and take this child from you and give to a couple who really understand what it means to love a child. If you really did love this child you wouldn't subject the child to the life you have laid out for the child.
Your asking for a miracle. You want only positive stuff about your baby? You're 16, you have severe issues, no job, and even if you had a job, no way to make enough to raise a child. How can we be positive about that?Quote:
Originally Posted by rollie-pollie
If you want to ruin your life, that's your choice, your decision. The baby you're carrying doesn't have a choice, it's up to you to make the best choices for that baby. So tell us, how are you the best choice? Make us believe that this is a positive thing.
At your age, I really can't think of anything positive.Quote:
only positive stuff about my baby
I deliver babies for a living. I know the dangers to you and to baby.
You realize that your body is not done growing. So it doesn't know how to grow you AND a baby. Let me fill you in on the risks associated with being pregnant at your age...
1) Gestational Diabetes. Do you know what diabetes is? It's when your body can't control its sugar levels. Now, gestational diabetes may end up being permanent, or it may go away after the baby is born. Most likely you will have to prick your finger several times a day to test your blood. If your blood sugar is too high you will either have to take a pill several times a day OR you will have to give yourself a shot in the stomach several times a day.
2. Pregnancy Induced Hypertension. That means that your body cannot control it's blood pressure. This puts girls your age at risk for seizure disorder. Most of the time that goes away after you deliver the baby, but you will have to have a C-Section to get the baby out. Do you know what a C-Section is?
3. Premature labor. Girls your age generally are not able to carry their babies to full term. Why you ask? Because your body is not done growing itself and it doesn't know how to grow you AND a baby. Your not done growing yet. Not all of your bones and muscles are formed well enough to carry a baby long enough for it to be healthy when it is born.
4. Maternal and/or fetal death. Again this comes back to you being too young to carry a baby to term. I have had to tell parents that their 15 year old daughter died in labor. I have had to tell 14 year old mothers that their babies have died. Other babies live in Neonatal Intensive Care Units (NICU) for months and months before they are ready to go home. The last one I had lived in the hospital for the first 6 months of his life. Most of these babies come home with defects such as mental retardation or cerebral palsy, just to name two. This also means that YOU may die. I've seen it happen.
Now, are you prepared to take care of a mentally or physically handicapped baby? Can you afford the bills that come with a healthy baby? Can you afford the bills that come with a sick baby?
I am not giving you personal advice, but professional information.
Babies don't love you unconditionally. Babies don't know how to love. They are selfish to the core. They rely on you for everything and if you aren't up to task they can become very sick or die.
Your boyfriend cannot support you AND the baby by working at Burger King or McDonalds. It's laughable to think that's true.
You are mentally unstable. You suffer from depression so I have another to add to you...
5. Post partum depression. That isn't just the baby blues or feeling sad and alone after you have your baby. That is being suicidal or homicidal. Many women who suffer post partum depression either kill themselves, or kill their babies. With your history of depression and suicidal ideations you are at a VERY high risk of suffering from this.
I seriously hope you reconsider having and/or keeping this baby as it would be totally and completely selfish and in no way would it be in the best interest of the baby. Considering your past and the fact that you have recently been in treatment there is a good chance that this baby may be taken away from you and placed in foster care immediately after birth.
I'm not trying to scare you, I'm telling you the truth. Remember, this is what I do for a living and I have had to take babies away from their mothers for the exact situation you are in.
Please review my old posts, I am one of the most pro life people on these boards, and for me to give you the advice I did, is a push for my beliefs. But at barely 16, with all of the issues in your life, you think a baby will make it all better. You are only looking to ruin your life more and make a baby life a sad one. If not abortion, at least adoption.
I'm not mentally unstable I went to a doctor he said I would be fine so I don't know what you all are tlking about please stop you all think I don't love my baby well screw you I love it and I didn't force my boyfriend it was our decision and I'm ready why the hell are you all hurting me like this you know what imm going to tlk to familylover about this she didn't care you all just don't understand plus you don't know me so stfu
And no I was discharged from my ttreatment successfully so :P
Like alcoholism, mental issues are never cured, they can be controlled and one can live a normal life, but they are still there lurking in the background. When you add the stress of a newborn to your history, you are risking a relapse. Did you discuss with your doctor what he thought about you becoming pregnant?
You ask "why the hell r u all hurting me like this you". The answer is because we care about this poor child you are foolishly bringing into the world. We understand what you will be going through even if you don't! You think you are ready. I've never met a 16 yr old ready to have a child. Its one thing for you to ruin your life, but you are are making a decision that will adversely affect the life of a newborn who can't make any choices.
You are a foolish child who somehow got the idea that having a baby will make your life better. Despite the fact that we strongly told you it wouldn't.
We, apparently care more for this child than you do and we care about you too. And if we have to be harsh with you to hopefully wake you up, then we will.
And we do not type in text abbreviations here. Another sign of your immaturity. We type in full words and sentences.
Okay mr you have undoubtly put yourself into a sea of discomfort for your humiliation. I will never have enough money to be rich. But I am rich with love for my baby we may not have much but we have already found a place to stay. As for you your immaturity ranks higher then my own. Why you may ask. It is because you believe happiness comes with money when my baby is born it will have all that it needs and an occasional surprise. I will never let any profanities be said around my baby. I want what's best for my baby. I have been in foster care I have been adopted and I was put into an abusive home and I have had to live with it since I was three. Sir or maám whoever shall read this I have a 12.5 grade level I'm working on my ged my boyfriend already has it. He can find jobs but he doesn't want to be far from home so if me or the baby needs him he can come fast. I have absolute certainty that my baby will be well fed and cared for so please knock of the idiotic insane accusations you hold against me it is unjust of you to do so because you barley know me so thus concludes me smartness of the day on the internet with you until it is called for again so there.
p.s. I'm 16 I can still be immature yet responsible so haha
I am so tired of all of you being so puerile to the truth I really loathe the fact you all want me to lose my happyness you all should be ignominy for yourselves
Using big words that you don't fully understand the meanings of makes you look more imnature than you already are.
What you don't understand is that we are presenting you with the FACTS of pregnancy and motherhood.
So tell us what your parenting plan is. Let me put forth some questions. I would be interested in your answers.
How are you paying for the doctor? Your prenatal vitamins?
How will you pay for a NICU should your baby be born in trouble?
Unless you live in the UK or Canada, those costs could amount to upwards of a million dollars.
Diapers $20 a pack. Baby will go through 2 or 3 packs a week.
Formula $200-300 a month.
Clothes - baby will grow out of clothes every couple of weeks.
We are not focused solely on money, but at the end of the day love doesn't buy diapers.
What are you going to do when your boyfriend dumps you? Where will you live then? Yes, he WILL dump you. Maybe not now, but this is not a permanent relationship.
Not only am I a labor & delivery nurse, but I counsel teen moms 4 nights a week at my hospital. After all these years I have not met one teen couple who were still together when the second baby came along. Different babies different daddies. I have not met one teen mom who can comfortably provide for her child.
Right now you are blind ti the realities you face being a young mother. You will live at or under poverty level. If you are in the US you WILL live on welfare and not in very safe environments. This is not fair to a child that doesn't get to choose. You are being more selfish than you are smart.
How do you get along with his parents? I think you need a lot of support and guidance at this point in your life. Maybe your past experiences have not been the best or the most nurturing, but you have no choice now but to rise beyond your past and make better decisions to do the right things for yourself, and your child.
You have much growing and learning to do, and listening is but the start of learning. Given your past difficulties, I hope you listen so you can be prepared to face the challenges before you, and grow from the fantasy you have painted for yourself. I know you need positive things to happen, but to ignore all the work to be done to be healthy and happy is very unrealistic.
Positive results take a lot of work, and more than just good intentions which is why I ask how you get along with his family? I truly hope you face the facts and make a good decision for yourself, AND foremost, your child.
This is no longer about just you, and your challenge is to raise this child in a loving healthy environment, unlike the one that produced YOU. So make a good decision based on facts and NOT just your need for love, or to have something to love. It's a difficult choice, but its yours to make because only time will tell if it was the right one or not. Your child future depends on the decisions that you make for him or her.
So I ask yet again, is his family the right environment for YOUR child?
Well I get 737.47 each 2 weeks I'm going to get a job my bfs family loves me to death we have already started getting diapers and people are giving us there old baby stuff and the money for doctor my bfs parents are helping me with that and I'm not doing formula stupids I'm breastfeeding because. It's the healthiest OK and I don't have to answer you questions so stop writing back to me I have had enough of this negitivity for one day and I do understand the words so ha in your face because I'm not stupid I'm incredibly smart so I'm don't
And we have been together two years I think were good
Breast is best. I'm happy you are considerng that. But keep in mind not all babies take to the breast and not all mothers produce enough milk.
Rollie this isn't negativity. This is reality.
As for getting a job I think that's great but you have yo keep in mind that there are very few places that will hire a pregnant woman.
And if she or the baby has problems later during the pregnancy or after the birth, will she be able to continue to work? Or even if no problems, will she want to?
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