Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend broke up with me need guidance

Well after Google searching for help and similar situations I stumbled across this site that seems to provide great advice so I thank you for taking the time and helping.

I (age 24 and have a full time career) have been dating my girlfriend (age 20 ) for three months. She was from another city but moved here to go to college. My job and her college schedule were never the issue. She has family in town she stays with. We are both very religious and actually met this girl at church. For the first three months we had the best time. I was not restrictive of her when she wanted to hang out with her friend and I treated her amazing. I have never had as much in common with someone as I did this girl. She is beyond beautiful but her personality and who she is was obviously what is the most important. I can honestly say I treated this girl very very well.

Well Christmas break comes up and she is going back home for three weeks back to where she is originally from. While she is up there she is not as talkative texting calling. Maybe she is busy I think to myself because she hasn't been back home in some time and it is the holidays. So I try to keep in touch with her talking to her here and there but not nearly as much as when she was here I wanted to give her space.

Well the plan was for me to pick her up from the airport when she arrived back in town. 1 day after New Years she tells me her family is going to pick her up. It shocked me and hurt but I didn't make it known to her because you know if her family in town her wants to pick up their niece that is fine. That same night we get to talking and she is very short with me so I finally say "you know did I do something wrong"? She replies I just need my space. I am thinking ( didn't say this to her) you just had 3 weeks away from me what the heck do you mean space? So we have a but of a conversation I try to reason a bit but not beg and it ends.

She breaks it off.

I had flowers ordered and I was going to pick her up from the airport the next day and now she broke up with me.

Anyway I let a little over a week go by and I reach out. She does not text me on my birthday which hurts so the day after my birthday I text her and ask what's up. I ask if she wants me out of her life or she needs time? She replies she needs time.

I stupidly take this as a positive thinking I have a shot.

I let another week go by and don't ask this time but in a friendly way and with inside jokes we have ask her to catch up. She says things have been OK the way they are.

She has avoided me ever since returning. She has yet to contact me. I have not seen her at church. I mean I did nothing wrong to this girl but treat her like the amazing person she is. I love this girl and it hurts a lot.

I have not talked to her since the last text my final message was about as begging as I got. It was not over the top but I somewhat asked for another op I told her I'd respect what she wanted and I'd let her contact me. I have not nor will I contact her again to put myself in a vulnerable position.

I don't know why this happened? Everything was fine before she left. I treated her great she even said so herself. We were so happy and into each other. She is going back home for the summer and away from me but would be coming back for school. I have no idea why that would lead someone to break up well before summer. In my mind you cross that bridge when you get there.

I am hurting because I care a lot for this girl. I'd love to get her back but also understand I have no moves to make. I honestly don't feel it was for another guy she broke up with me but maybe I am being naïve.

I again appreciate any help. If you would like more details or have questions I'd be happy to answer so you could provide the best response.

Thanks for your time.

It must hurt to feel rejected without knowing why. Maybe she has a reason for it, and she's trying to spare herself (and you) the pain of acknowledging that reason out loud. Maybe she hasn't acknowledged the reason for herself. Who knows for sure? Thinking about it all the time won't bring you any closer to finding out what went wrong though, and it could make you downright miserable. Sometimes, you just have to accept that things happen, and try to move on as best as you can. You'll be all right.

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Originally Posted by Herekittykitty

It must hurt to feel rejected without knowing why. Maybe she has a reason for it, and she's trying to spare herself (and you) the pain of acknowledging that reason out loud. Maybe she hasn't acknowledged the reason for herself. Who knows for sure? Thinking about it all the time won't bring you any closer to finding out what went wrong though, and it could make you downright miserable. Sometimes, you just have to accept that things happen, and try to move on as best as you can. You'll be all right.

I am upset because I treated her so well and she knew that. It has been hard to move on because I feel she is such a special person.

We all get hurt after a break up guy, but time will heal. Leave her alone and do what you did before you met her and be grateful for the 3 months you did have. You will in time but for now it just hurts beyond thinking.

There is seldom a good reason why peoples feelings change so quickly. Or why we seldom understand when it happens to us.

I am 71 yrs old, and the worst thing, at the time, that ever happened to me was when I was divorced after just 7 yrs of marriage. I remarried for 30 yrs the second time.
We really don't know what will happen. We move on when we have to.
If you are hones, respectful, and Smile, you will meet some new people, and begin to have fun again. I don't know why this girl moved on from you, but 3 months really isn't a long time to get to know someone. Hopefully, the next time will be a lot different. I am glad you have a full time career. You are very fortunate as many, many people don't even have a job. Good luck, and I wish you the best.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

We all get hurt after a break up guy, but time will heal. Leave her alone and do what you did before you met her and be grateful for the 3 months you did have. You will in time but for now it just hurts beyond thinking.

There is seldom a good reason why peoples feelings change so quickly. Or why we seldom understand when it happens to us.

I just don't understand why it happened. I understand many dumpees say those words but I treated her the best. I am just hurt and confused.

Sometimes we think that the feelings of the ones we are seeing are the same as our own, and then we find out that they are not, and the hurt just adds to the confusion.

Well, you are learning something about her that you should really think about. When there's a problem in the relationship, she won't talk to you about it - she shuts you out.

Every relationship has problems, and you are at an age where really, dating should be about finding the right life partner. Within a few years or so you'll probably be ready for marriage, and one quality we should all look for is a partner who will work through the hard times with us.

Maybe something happened to her, maybe her family disapproves of the match, maybe she's just not feeling it and is sensing that you are really in love with her - that she doesn't feel as strongly as you do. We can't know what's going on with her. We can only know that she's not able to talk to you about it, and that on it's own is good enough reason to terminate a dating relationship.

It is exhausting to have to drag the truth out of your partner. You have no chance to be successful in meeting their needs from the relationship because they keep you in the dark. And they make you very crazy because you start second guessing every little thing, trying to figure out what they could very easily just tell you, up front.

I think you need to move on from this relationship. I agree, it sounds like you treated her very well. That's not always enough. There are so many pieces to making that primary relationship work. It's good that you treated her well, and I'm sure you treat all women well. Keep doing that because it's the right person for you to be. Eventually the right woman will come along and she will recognize that quality in you.

One other thought - is there any chance she's pregnant? The visit home, family circling the wagons - cutting you off and so on... just a thought.

I appreciate the help. Every relationship I have been dumped in the ex always calls me 3-4 months down the rd and says it was a mistake. 1 I did not allow back. Another it was impossible she moved so far away. Her family saw how I treated her and they really liked me. My family also really liked her.

I just sit her and 2nd guess myself and think of different ways I may have messed it up. I really can't find anything.

I had my heart very very broken before from a broken engagement however that took forever to get over. Once I did get my confidence back this girl came along and in my mind was so amazing. To have my confidence shattered again kills.

No she is not pregnant... 100% on that

Your view of your SHORT relationship apparently wasn't the same as hers. Just because you thought she was " the one" doesn't mean she agreed. Dating has a purpose , to give each other time to see if the relationship is going to go any farther. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong , it just didn't work out.

How many dating relationships do people go through before they get married ? You have offered to her to resume the relationship but she doesn't appear to be interested. Consider moving on and don't assume so quickly that your next relationship will last forever.

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Originally Posted by Mcsap9213

Your view of your SHORT relationship apparently wasn't the same as hers. Just because you thought she was " the one" doesn't mean she agreed. Dating has a purpose , to give each other time to see if the relationship is going to go any farther. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong , it just didn't work out.

How many dating relationships do people go through before they get married ? You have offered to her to resume the relationship but she doesn't appear to be interested. Consider moving on and don't assume so quickly that your next relationship will last forever.

Never in my original post did I even imply I thought she was the one. I do realize it was short. I do believe she was amazing I have no idea why it ended we both had an amazing time. It all seemed very natural and organic. I just don't know why it ended

Be disappointed and hurt, sure. That said though, your confidence should be based only on how you conducted yourself throughout this situation. It sounds to me like you were a mature, caring, adult man throughout this difficult end of your relationship and have always treated her well. It sounds like you were in the relatioship for only the right reasons, and if you had done wrong, you were trying to find out where you had made mistakes so you could fix them.

On the basis of how you have managed this situation, I see no reason for it to have a negative impact on your confidence. Perhaps I could see it might erode the confidence you place in other people until you've been with them a while, but if anything, you should be even more confident of your ability to manage relationships well.

It's great when relationships work out and don't come to an end. But if you really want to measure someone's character, watch how they treat someone with whom they are having trouble or have broken up! Handle adversity with grace and decency and you are deserving of all the self-confidence in the world.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Be disappointed and hurt, sure. That said though, your confidence should be based only on how you conducted yourself throughout this situation. It sounds to me like you were a mature, caring, adult man throughout this difficult end of your relationship and have always treated her well. It sounds like you were in the relatioship for only the right reasons, and if you had done wrong, you were trying to find out where you had made mistakes so you could fix them.

On the basis of how you have managed this situation, I see no reason for it to have a negative impact on your confidence. Perhaps I could see it might erode the confidence you place in other people until you've been with them a while, but if anything, you should be even more confident of your ability to manage relationships well.

It's great when relationships work out and don't come to an end. But if you really want to measure someone's character, watch how they treat someone with whom they are having trouble or have broken up! Handle adversity with grace and decency and you are deserving of all the self-confidence in the world.

Thank you that helps to look at it that way. I have only tried to reach out twice. I have respected her wishes and will continue to do so. I have never been mean or even immature in the situation. I believe I treated both the relationship and post relationship time with respect. Where it hurts me is how the flip of a 180 she did. We went from exchanging gifts and her at my family's house to just kicked off her planet.

I am really missing this girl

Don't think just because it was short it didn't have as much value as a longer relationship. It's the emotional investment and intensity of the people that count, not the time.

She should be responsible and actually tell you what is on her mind and why she broke-up with you. It's going to hurt more not knowing; I don't know why people think lying and keeping the truth from someone is helpful, it's not. Knowing the truth helps you heal, helps you grow and helps you become a better person. You could reach out, once more, asking for closure; however do not expect a response and do not do it with any hope of reconciliation in your heart.

Unfortunately, you are going to suffer. At this time her heart is not for you and you need to accept that. It'll be rough but it's for the best. Just realize that you need time to grieve and it's OK, know that those dumped generally take much longer to recover. Take all the time you need but avoid contact with her.

I have and I will. I am hurting. I have not contacted her. I miss her a ton. I have no idea how she just kicked me out like I don't matter I promise I treated her the best. I knew what I had I didn't need to lose it to know. I miss her but I can't make any more moves. I just am not understanding and I really love this girl.

Its always hard to understand and accept that peoples feelings can change, and it matters very little how well you treated that someone. They just don't feel the same any more.