Ask Me Help Desk - Women watching porn

Hi,

There is one topic of which I've been so ashamed to admit or talk about with ANYONE, And that is why Im here. I am a girl in my early 20's. And I think I might have a porn addiction. I masturbate EVERYDAY. I've orgasmed at the most 6 times in a day. I watch porn like how a guy would watch porn and am easily aroused. So much that my boyfriend can not meet my needs. I want to have sex with him everyday sometimes more than once in the day. He only wants to do it once a week . I don't think this is normal for a girl. I watch porn A LOT and masturbate every morning and afternoon. With or without it. I've been like this since I was 12.. yes 12! Is there anyone who can explain why this might be? Do I have a higher level of testosterone? What can I do to fix this?

Women just don't talk about it, many women like porn and women like to reach orgasms. Nothing wrong with it. You do need to be honest with boyfriend, since being matched sexually can be a issue. But women also masturbate often, ( again many will not talk about it like guys do) Not masturbating 6 times in one day, may be over the top, But then in sexual intercourse, the man should be allowing you at least one or two orgasms prior to even starting sexual intercourse.

The issue is if you think it is too much, then you need to cut back, you have control of it.

When anything takes over your life - and that includes porn and sex - you need to get it under control. In this case, yes, I would speak with a Physician and test your hormone levels.

I'm curious about your "like a man" statement. How do men watch porn in a way that is different from the way women watch?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

When anything takes over your life - and that includes porn and sex - you need to get it under control. In this case, yes, I would speak with a Physician and test your hormone levels.

I'm curious about your "like a man" statement. How do men watch porn in a way that is different from the way women watch?

Hi JudyKayTee,

When I say "like a man" I guess I mean with an aggressive lust. With aggression and "roughness" whereas women are thought to like "soft and sensual"

Women are taught to pretend that we don't like sex and only indulge in it to make our men happy. Bull. Women like sex as much as men do, though sometimes, medical issues like hormone levels or pregnancy, or other interference like stress and exhaustion, can put just about anyone off sex.

I think your preoccupation is excessive. And at your age, your boyfriend has a pretty low libido. You may not be well matched sexually and probably would do well to meet someone in the middle.

Anyone who's read my other posts knows that I have personal objections to porn - I think the industry too often victimizes the "workers". That said, it's no better for a man to use it than a woman. It's the same. I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbating or fantasy - but when it's 6 times a day, yeah - that's a lack of self control. You're clearly using it as a crutch and maybe to feel something different than your emotions. I think you need to figure out what your emotions are and why you are using something else like this. It would be similarly problematic if you used pot, alcohol, food or even excessive exercise. Generally, it's always an effort to feel something different than your real feelings.

Hormone levels can be a culprit, as can emotional issues. It will cause problems in your relationships if you don't get a reasonable handle on it, but it may be unrealistic for you to be satisfied with a once-a-week kind of partner. Reducing to sex or masturbation once a day, with emphasis on your partner if you are in a very seriously committed relationship, seems a reasonable goal to me. And if you can stop with the porn entirey, that would be a plus.

You will find that most men do not find a woman who wants daily sex to be a problem in their twenties!

I would see a doctor because this does seem a little overboard everyday. A doctor would be able to suggest what to do, or run some tests, etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Women are taught to pretend that we don't like sex and only indulge in it to make our men happy. Bull. Women like sex as much as men do, though sometimes, medical issues like hormone levels or pregnancy, or other interference like stress and exhaustion, can put just about anyone off of sex.

I think your preoccupation is excessive. And at your age, your boyfriend has a pretty low libido. You may not be well matched sexually and probably would do well to meet someone in the middle.

Anyone who's read my other posts knows that I have personal objections to porn - I think the industry too often victimizes the "workers". That said, it's no better for a man to use it than a woman. It's the same. I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbating or fantasy - but when it's 6 times a day, yeah - that's a lack of self control. You're clearly using it as a crutch and maybe to feel something different than your emotions. I think you need to figure out what your emotions are and why you are using something else like this. It would be similarly problematic if you used pot, alcohol, food or even excessive exercise. Generally, it's always an effort to feel something different than your real feelings.

Hormone levels can be a culprit, as can emotional issues. It will cause problems in your relationships if you don't get a reasonable handle on it, but it may be unrealistic for you to be satisfied with a once-a-week kind of partner. Reducing to sex or masturbation once a day, with emphasis on your partner if you are in a very seriously committed relationship, seems a reasonable goal to me. And if you can stop with the porn entirey, that would be a plus.

You will find that most men do not find a woman who wants daily sex to be a problem in their twenties!

Hi, You bring an interesting point. As far as emotions, life is pretty stressful with work school etc, nothing heavy. I don't sleep around and am generally very distant with men. I don't even give hugs. Even when Im drunk I don't let boundries get crossed. But there are random times throughout the day when I get very veryy horny. Always in the morning, and random times when Im in class because of the position of the chair. There are times when I have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom and masturbate. Otherwise I am soooo distracted the rest of class. I guess I am easily aroused. I don't always need porn to orgasm but I am tempted to watch it when Im alone browsing on YouTube and I see some sort of sexual content (which is everywhere!) I may be hormonal because it is the worst when Im ovulating. I also question my fantasies because when I masturbate without porn I imagine my boyfriend with other women. I would never ever ever want that in real life but as a fantasy in the moment it gets me going

Most addictions involve a strategy to change your behavior, starting with a plan of action that you substitute like when you feel the lust building in you, have a small chore or action that makes you focus on other things. By having a plan and repeating it, eventually you change your behavior and thinking and replace it with other things.

Do something about that emotional isolation also, as you may have a bit too much time on your hand and need to change the routine so you are not alone with yourself so much, and that could be just some wholesome hobbies, or friends or challenging activities.

I think once you have gained some self control, you may be able to find the root causes for your impulses, and makes some changes before it affects other relationships. It may be as simple as balancing your hormones, through medication, or diets and a check up is as good a place as any to start.

This does seem to be a habit out of control you started early on, so I wonder what was going on in your 12 year old life. I also wonder what's going on in your relationship. Maybe you do need to examine it closer. Do you have any close friends or meaningful interactions other than your boyfriend? I hope so.

Hello f:

The only thing wrong with your masturbation is being uptight about it. You're a perfectly NORMAL horny female.

Your relationship with your man is a different matter.

excon

Are you masturbating six different times? Or like having 3 or 4 orgasms in a row? Cause it can be normal for women to have multiple orgasms back to back. If it's one time or two times a day (but equals up to 6 orgasms), I think that can be normal. I was the same way (from my early teens until mid tweenties). Well maybe not everyday, but most days. And it would tend to be like 3 or 4 orgasms in a row. I've always watched porn since about 19 years old (not every time I masturbated). And I don't think anything is wrong with that! I like regular porn. I think that's just a stereotype that women like "soft porn".

I do think some people made a good point though. That doing it excessively might be because you want to escape from your emotions. That was definitely the case for me in my teenage years. I went through a lot then, and when I felt super depressed I would masturbate to try to feel better.

I don't know, if you think it's getting in the way of your life then cut back. But I think it can be normal. The point is to be able to have control over your urges, and don't give in every time you get the urge. Like if you realize you have the urge when you're really bored or sad then instead try to deal with those feelings in another way or go find something fun to do.

By the way the horniness does slow down eventually! Lol It did for me anyway. I'm almost 31, and it probably slowed down in my mid-late 20's. I mean I think it's more "average" now, instead of almost everyday being horny. Lol

p.s. Keep in mind "normal" is different for everybody. And your boyfriend's libido is on the low side for his age, so you're probably comparing yourself to him.

It sounds more like a compulsive disorder that is now a compulsion. I would get a physical from head to toe and be honest with your doctor about how often the feelings come jd what you do. The fact you masturbate thinking about your BF with other women is sort of a normal thing. Men think of their girls with other men, other women, abused, it's fantasy.

" Men think of thier girls with other men, other women, abused, it's fantasy."

Sorry, not all men think that a woman being abused is sexy/erotic. This is insulting on many levels.

What is your source for this information?

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

" Men think of thier girls with other men, other women, abused, it's fantasy."

Sorry, not all men think that a woman being abused is sexy/erotic. This is insulting on many levels.

What is your source for this information?

I should not have used abused as it is not what I meant. ( thinking of spanking etc) However it is fantasy which usually means thinking of you or the ones your thinking about outside whatever their normal circumstances are.

I guess my point was meant to say that you cannot have a
"wrong" fantasy.

Ok, you just have a high libido or sex drive. There is nothing wrong you're just horny all the time :)