Ask Me Help Desk - Partner cheating

Just found out something that has been happening in my life for a while and I was unaware.
My partner of11 yrs, we have 2 kids, left us on nw yrs eve, going into 06, he had said a few mnths before that he wasn't happy and wasny sure that he wnted to be here anymore, I had a feeling that he was seeing this girl from his wrk but he always denied it, he worked a good distance from where we live so I never knew anybody that he worked with.
Things stayed like this until August 06, with him saying that he was living with a friend from work and still denying that he was seeing someone else, he came home evry weekend ans stayed over, I told him that I couldn't do this anymore and that he would have to make up his mind as to coming home or staying away for good and just picking up the kids not staying over anymore as I had to move on.
Hw came home in August and things were good between us, he still said that he had been staying with this guy from his work and that there was nobody else.
I found an address in December 06 and I knew that this girl stayed in that particular town, I confronted him and he said that he had lived there for a cpl of weeks and that he saw her for a little while, I didn't believe him as I had her number so I called her.
She told me that thet had been seeing each other before he left me, just as I had suspected, abd that he never lived with any friend when he left, he had moved in with her, I have also found out that she is pregnant with his bby and that he wants nothing to do with her or the child, he says that he will send her money but will not see her or the baby.
I don't know what to do, I know he hasn't saw her since he come back to me but how can I trust him I thought I knew him after 11 yrs, he always made me feel foolish when I would ask him if he was seeing someone else and all the time I was right.
Please help, I dontknow what to do/

Tracy Quigley

First hun are you positive she is pregnant with his child? And if she is hun this woman will be in your lifes if you and hubby decide to make it work the next 18 years at least.
Second if he is the father he will be paying child-support and not what he decides to give but what the courts decide... this does mean that yes if you stay with him you will not have the money for living expenses that you once had.
Another thing hun is this.. Can or are you able to except this that he lied and cheated on you? This will always haunt you every time he goes somewhere without you.
Some couples with a lot of counciling are able to make it through something like this but it is a lot of hard work and doubts will be with you always.

Hi lara01
This is a pretty nasty set of lies he's been feeding you, if your facts are correct..
But even so, if you do decide to work through the issues, it will help little until he admits his wrongs and lies and stops denying it..
Either way at this earlier step in the problem, you are the only person who has the answer to your question.. Which I believe would be something along the lines of "Do I want to pursue this relationship?"

I hopes this helps a little.. I feel so badly for you as 11years is a long time building a family and dedicate and commit to someone, just for them to disrespect you to this degree..

No matter what the outcome be strong and I wish you all the best..

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lara01

Just found out something that has been happening in my life for a while and i was unaware.
My partner of11 yrs, we have 2 kids, left us on nw yrs eve, going into 06, he had said a few mnths before that he wasnt happy and wasny sure that he wnted to be here anymore, i had a feeling that he was seeing this girl from his wrk but he always denied it, he worked a good distance from where we live so i never knew anybody that he worked with.
Things stayed like this til August 06, with him saying that he was living with a friend from work and still denying that he was seeing someone else, he came home evry weekend ans stayed over, i told him that i couldnt do this anymore and that he would have to make up his mind as to coming home or staying away for good and just picking up the kids not staying over anymore as i had to move on.
Hw came home in August and things were good between us, he still said that he had been staying with this guy from his work and that there was nobody else.
I found an address in December 06 and i knew that this girl stayed in that particular town, i confronted him and he said that he had lived there for a cpl of weeks and that he saw her for a little while, i didnt believe him as i had her number so i called her.
She told me that thet had been seeing each other before he left me, just as i had suspected, abd that he never lived with any friend when he left, he had moved in with her, i have also found out that she is pregnant with his bby and that he wants nothing to do with her or the child, he says that he will send her money but will not see her or the baby.
I dont know what to do, i know he hasnt saw her since he come back to me but how can i trust him i thought i knew him after 11 yrs, he always made me feel foolish when i would ask him if he was seeing someone else and all the time i was right.
Please help, i dontknow what to do/

Tracy Quigley

Ow sweetheart, bless your heart.. u must be feeling really confused.. on one hand he could have got this out of his system and realised what he wants and that is good but I understand that once that trust is gone you don't feel like you know them completely anymore.. u know as much as you want someone to tell you what to do only you know the answer it's the small voice that keeps saying the same thing over and over listen to that babe.. its going to be OK.. u just have to really think can you be happy again with this person afetr everything he has put you through .
Things are going to be OK.. why don't you just take it slow see how you feel and be gentle with yourself.. sending you love and strength.. everything will be OK .