Basically my friend isn't very nice I know that now but its one of those friendships that's really hard to end and I really don't like upsetting people however she keeps trying to take my other friends away because she's jealous and I'm really confused... ived tried everything... ive talked to her and ignored it and when I told my 2 best friends it turned out they thought the same...
She is still my friend however... I thought it was just hormones but that becomes less likely everyday... thankyou

She can't steal friends who aren't willing to be stolen. So, work at your other friendships and don't include her all the time. Spend a bit less time with her. If you notice this behavior happening, call her out on it - pull her aside and tell her, "I value my friendship with you but it is not going to be my only friendship. I am not going to compete with you for other friends. We can share friends." If this doesn't get through to her, just gradually stop spending time with her and she'll move on to other friends. Don't say mean things about her behind her back or gossip about her - your other friends recognize the issue, too so no more needs to be said.

I'd be interested to know what she does to "steal your friends". I know it happens - not questioning that. My "best" friend in high school used to step in every time she found out that one of our other friends or I liked a boy - within hours, the boy of interest would be her boyfriend. Funny - hadn't thought of that in decades.

Yo can't steal someone's friend. They are either your friends or they're not. Stop spending time with her. You are the one with the control.

Thank you... I understand that but I really don't like being mean or harsh and she gets bullied at school for being mean and always lying... dont know how we became friends but it feels like its neverending and I want it to end.. thanks again

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kat89007

Thankyou...I understand that but i really dont like being mean or harsh and she gets bullied at school for being mean and always lieing...dont know how we became friends but it feels like its neverending and i want it to end..thanks again

---

If she gets bullied for being mean and lying, I'm not sure it's bullying. If she's being mean and people push back, it sounds like she's the bully. And for the lying, that is again mistreatment of other people. The solution to her problem is to stop being mean and start exclusively telling the truth - you can't do either for her. I don't doubt some of the payback is probably more than is called for - at that point it does become bullying. What you owe her in that situation is to not participate in gossiping about or bullying her. It would be nice if you would step up and ask someone to knock it off if you see them picking on her. You do not owe it to her to be friends with her.

I think it would be a good idea for you to go to your school counselor and explain what's been happening in the friendship. Ask if they can talk to this girl at some point without letting it be known that you have talked to the counselor about it. Let the counselor know about the mean behavior, the lying, and how she's not satisfied to meet your other friends and become part of the group - she wants to meet your friends then push you out of the group to take the friends away from you. Let the counselor know you are ending the friendship because it's become toxic for you. I suggest this because in this way, maybe a trained professional can follow up and work with her to figure out why she acts this way, and help her change for the better.

There is nothing mean at all about protecting yourself and your other friends from being lied to, treated meanly or having this unhealthy element of "competition" for friends forced on your social circle. Your job is to do your school work, and be a good friend to people who are good friends to you. It is unfair of you to force someone who is a nasty, friend-stealing liar on your other friends if they are trying to draw a boundary around how they are willing to be treated.

I think the most important decision you will make in your life is who you will include in your life. When you set a high standard for who you will have as friends, who you will date, who you will work for - you will find that it will allow you to avoid a lot of hurt and bad experiences, and will instead enjoy life-long, rewarding friendships. Do not let anyone treat you badly twice.

Thank you so much... x...
are teachers don't do anything... shes fallen out with everyone in our school..

She's in control of her own life. In other words, she can control if she's mean or nice, she can control if she tells the truth or lies. She's making her own choices, and those choices are affecting her life. She has to figure that out, not you.

Frankly, with a friend like her, who needs enemies?

When I was younger I was like you, I always kept my friends, no matter how badly they treated me, mainly because I felt sorry for them. Now that I'm older, I've learned a few things. Friends should enrich your life, make it better, not worse. If they don't do that, then why are they in your life?

Just like her, you have to make your own choices. If you choose to keep people in your life that treat you like crap, then you can't complain about it, because it's your choice. You do have one.

WOW! That really clicked thanks but how do I... as you predicted I always keep the same friends and I don't want her to have none...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kat89007

WOW !! that really clicked thanks but how do I ... as you predicted i always keep the same friends and i dont want her to have none...........

---

The thing is, she's making it so that she has none. That's her choice. It's all on her. She can be nicer, she can stop lying, but she chooses not to.

It's very nice that you care about her, that you don't want her to have no friends, but really, how is this doing anything for you? You're in charge of one person, and one person only, and that's you. You can't change someone. They either have to change themselves, or live with the consequences. It's not your job to be friends with someone who makes your life miserable. Really, it isn't.

I had the same compassion when I was younger. Instead of trying to change people, or accepting their bad behavior because I feel sorry for them, I now put that energy into things I can actually change. I'm very much into animal rescue. I can get an abused animal, and change its life. I can make it tamer, I can give it a home, I can give it love, and I can watch that animal change because of it all. But people, there's no changing who they are, unless they want to change, and that has to come from them, not you.

Thanks so much... you have like really helped me with this so thanks again... By the way its so cool what you do... I love animals so much.. in my life I have had 5 rescue cats... anyway thanks so much... ill try my best... thankyou so so much again

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kat89007

Thanks so much...you have like really helped me with this so thanks again....By the way its so cool what you do...i love animals so much..in my life i have had 5 rescue cats.....anyway thanks so much....ill try my best....thankyou so so much again

---

You're very welcome. :)