I've known "Nicole" (not her real name obviously) for 7 or 8 years. I have watched, for years, her attention seeking and dramatics.

Nicole diagnoses herself with mental problems or illnesses either on her own, or by taking internet tests. She claims to be both bi-polar and manic depressant (even though the doctor told her it's not possible, since they are one illness with 2 different names) and mild schizophrenia. As well as others, but those are the most common.

Nicole failed her first year of college and tried to get her doctor to pass her, claiming it was because of mental illness. This didn't work, she she finally admitted to failing because she never went to class and just got drunk all the time.

Her ex-girlfriend say's she often would throw temper tantrums, have "mental breakdowns" threaten to take her own life (never actually trying to though) to get what she wanted, usually money to go out and drink with her friends. In the end her ex-girlfriend had to give her student line of credit to her mother so Nicole wouldn't be able to guilt her into giving her all of her money.

She does the same thing to her boyfriend. She will "pass out" or "leave her body" and start to beat her boyfriend, claiming not to remember it later. She also did tis for a while when she was claiming to revert to her 7 year old self. Her lies never match up, and details often change, it's obvious that she is completely aware of her actions. I've only ever witnessed one such display, even though I've known her for years, and I believe it's because she knows I don't believe her act.

She uses illnesses to get out of work and school. She claimed to have lost her voice so she wouldn't have to go to work, but when I visited her with my boyfriend, we both noticed that after an hour or so she seemed to forget to act and was talking normally, until her boyfriend showed up, when her voice "left" again. She's also claimed that she couldn't clean her apartment because when she did she though people were in the next room trying to kill her. She has a new "thing" every month or few weeks, with new symptoms, and the old problems or syptoms never return, they just stop for no reason, abruptly and she moves on to something else.

It took me a while to finally full out admit I knew she was lying (though I never told her). My boyfriend said he knew all along. I just felt guilty thinking what if? Thr problem is, most of her friends seem to believe her, those who don't, like me, just avoid her because w don't know what to say. She discusses these problems with anyone, publicly, jokingly, and as if it's not a serious problem at all. I have reason to believe her father might not buy into it all, but the rest of her family seems to. Though on one occasion something her aunt said to her angered her a lot and to this day she won't tell me what it was. I believe her aunt confronted her on the subject, and she deep down I think she knows that I agree with her aunt.

I haven't talked to Nicole in months, even though a lot of my belongings are at her house (her parents were kind enough to give me a place to stay when I had to move on short notice and couldn't find a place quick enough). I used to be her best friend but feel I don't know her anymore because of all the lies. I just avoid her, and don't know what to do. Should I tell her boyfriend what I believe? Should I tell her family? I'm afraid to offend them after they wer so good to me. Or should I just cut ties with her and let her keep fooling everyone?

Well if your correct and all of this is games. You have to admit she must truly be mentally ill to do all that and to say all that and to pretend all that. For somebody to feel they need that attention all the time. Quite honestly they do need help. It does not matter whether others believe her or not. Or if you feel she is fooling everybody. It is up to each individual that knows her to figure it out for themselves whether she is a fake or not. It is not really up to you to tell anybody else what you think.

If you truly feel this way about her, then I think in my opinion it would be best for you to cut ties with her.

You need to make that final decision on your own. Is the friendship worth sticking around or not, but by the sounds of it. It is not there anymore. As soon as she realizes she is losing people around her because of her behaviour maybe she will change. Who really knows.

Best of luck no matter what.

Joe

I agree that she has mental problems, just not the one's she claims to have. I was doing some research on Factitious disorder, and Malingering, the second of which is when someone is faking mental illness or physical illness, for personal gain, attention, sympathy, or to escape responsibility. It seems hard to diagnose though, because of the dishonesty. I checked for the tell-tale signs to determine of someone is suffering from this, and they fit her actions.

I know I will never be friends with this girl again, but I feel guilty not expressing my concerns to her parents, or someone, because shouldn't she be getting treatment for the right problems instead of the wrong ones?

And she does go to doctors, but for medication of problems that I'm positive she doesn't have. And I'm not the only one to think this, she's played her game with people I know that have knowledge of mental illnesses and they don't seem to buy it either...

I don't know, I guess the easiest thing is cutting ties and forgetting about it, but the easiest thing isn't always the right thing...

I agree that the easiest thing isn't always the right thing. I do think that she dose have a disorder and it needs to be taken care of quickly. Has she ever been sexually or physically abused? These are also symptoms of someone who has been abused and haven't gotten the help that they need. I would find out about her background and if she is just doing it for fun... then I would cut my ties. But if she is doing it to cover up a different pain... then she needs help.

Well as far as I know she's never been abused no. And yes there's the possibility that she just never told me, but we were pretty close, and I spent a lot of time at her house, I practically lived there, she'd always tell me everything no matter how unpleasant. Like I said, we were best friends for a while, and she was a completely different person then. Almost unrecognizable from the person she is now.

Did you even read my responses Solid? I said that yes I do believe she has a mental problem. I said..

"I agree that she has mental problems, just not the one's she claims to have. I was doing some research on Factitious disorder, and Malingering, the second of which is when someone is faking mental illness or physical illness, for personal gain, attention, sympathy, or to escape responsibility."

I can't be that crazy to believe it's for attention or to escape responsibility when there are scientific terms to describe just that.. And yes I know that you couldn't possibly track her just by her first name, I'd just rather not use her name for privacy issues. It's just common courtesy.

I'm not some horrible person who chose, for no reason, to say that someone that has a mental illness is actually faking it... I posed the question simply to see if anyone had any experience dealing with someone who behaved in a similar way, to see how I should approach the issue.

I don't think I would actively seek to tell her parents and others that you feel she's "faking it", but if I bumped into someone and they asked why I never contact her anymore, I would say exactly what I think.

Her behavior is probably the only way she knows to get attention and "make it" through life. Getting her to change will require a "rock bottom" kind of event, and I'm not sure losing a few friends will trigger that kind of event for her.

You know, I defnitely agree that telling her parents and friends my thought's isn't the way to approach this. I was feeling very uncomfortable with that option, and thought, "Am I uncomfortable with it because I am scared to do it? Because it seems so hard to do, does that make it the right thing to do?" But I agree that it's not. I just had to hear someone else say it too :)

If I was her friend, I would help not walk out on her. Why did you? I mean you say you were close. If you were then wouldn't you try to get her some help? Do you realize what damage that can do to a person? All my friends walked out on me, it hurt really bad. They clearly were never my true friends. REAL friend's help each other. I'm sorry but I think what you did was mean. But then again everyone has walked out on me, so I guess I try to not do that myself. I was taught to treat other's the way you'd like to be treated.

Spark it? Hmm, I'm sure there are a lot of factors that could have. That's why I figure she should be seeking medical help for the right diseases instead of the wrong ones, because they would help her discover what sparked this, and how to bring it under control.

She did once make a comment to me about how she always felt like she was in my shadow when we became friends. She said that people used to comment on how smart she was, but when she became friends with me, and I always made higher marks than her, she felt like people didn't even notice her grades, or her efforts to get them. She said pretty much the same thing about her artistic talents, that people used to think and say that she was great at drawing, but next to me she felt that she couldn't draw at all, and that she felt other people felt the same way. We were both drunk when this conversation happened, so I didn't know what to say to her.. She also wrote a poem once to the same effect... I never mentioned it because I had no idea what to say.

Is it possible that because she wasn't getting the attention that she was used to that she started looking for it in other ways? I don't know. I'd hate to think that my inadequecies as a friend (not knowing what to say, or not saying enough) could have been a contributor... And when I say contributor I mean just that, I'm not trying to say that one certain thing "sparked this" as you put it, and personally I would never consider myself an important enough factor in anyone's life to make them feel the need to act the way she does. I'm just trying to think of something, and I guess in reality whatever sparked this, is probably some private issue that I know nothing about.

Could someone fill me in as to why you'd leave a ''friend'' just because they have issues? I'd really love to understand. I don't think there's any excuse for it. Being scared isn't a good answer. I want to know what's in your head when you basically go''You have problems so I'm not your friend no more'' That's sick! This is bugging me, I can't stop wondering why someone would do that.

Oh wow. Raynefreak... Walk out on a friend? I'd never do that! When I say that we were close, I mean just that. We WERE close. We're not any longer. If we were as close as we were back then, then I would try and urge her to get help. I didn't walk out on her because of her actions. There were a lot of things that contributed to us growing apart. In fact, she has distanced herself from me much more than I've distance myself from her.

It's funny because we actually had a conversation about just that. When we became friends she had none, all of her friends had ditched her, and she said she was scared I'd do the same. Then, once I introduced her to my friends she in turn decided to ditch me, as if she didn't need me anymore. We did become friends again after this, but it was never the same. She would call on me whenever there was no one else, or that's how it seemed.

I would talk to her about what I think if I thought it would do any good, but in all the research I did on Factitious Disorder, and Malingering it said to never ever confront the person, or accuse them of lying about their diseases, and to leave it up to the doctors or professionals to guide her into seeing it.

To be quite honest, I've never had many good friends, a lot have either betrayed me or walked out on me just as you said, and I would never do that to anyone either. However, if a relationship is unhealthy (and I've been told that hers and mine is) it is best for both people to cut ties. See, this is just the issue I've been having the greatest difficulty with, I don't know what to do. I'm not trying to be mean to a friend, I'm tyring to do what's right.

Ok, now that you've cleared it up, lol. I'm sorry I was just really concerned. If you grew apart then that's that. Sorry, I thought you meant something else. My bad. I feel rude now. Lol.

Friends are there just when they benefit? Kid, you need to grow up a bit. I know from your posts your going though a lot, but that doesn't mean take it out on everyone else. I'm mostly just tired of everyone being so immiutre, I'm sick of being a human. Im ashamed actually.

Don't feel rude Rayne, just a misunderstanding. It happens all the time :)

Like I said I'm ashamed to be human... some people are just so... I don't even have a word for it!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Raynefreak

Could someone fill me in as to why you'd leave a ''friend'' just because they have issues? I'd really love to understand... i can't stop wondering why someone would do that.

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You "leave" a friend when they no longer act like a friend.

It's a mistake to think you can "fix" your friend's problems, or that they can "fix" your problems. If your friend recognizes they need help, you can certainly be there to support them. If they refuse to recognize they need help, and actively seek to use or abuse you, "being there" for them is more likely to be something that enables them with their destructive behaviours.