The love of my life, my best friend, my partner, my guide has just completely crushed my soul and spirit. We have been together for literally I don't know how long because I am not that kind of girl, if we are together that's all that matters to me... anyways we have lived together for a year and I know that because of leases :) Well we were just about to move to a bigger perfect place 2 days ago and we both just got our dream jobs together and everything was finally falling in place. After I go give the security deposits and everything to the apartments I get a call from my older brother telling me I need to come see him at work immediately for some important news. I was totally busy and not in the mood but I went to see if he was OK... come to find out my fiancé cheated on me with a women 20 years older than he who happened to be my fathers girlfriend... I threw up... I am dying. I would have seen it coming if this was a person I didn't completely get along with, we have sex EVERY day mostly more than once... and its great... everyone thought (including me) that we were THE PERFECT COUPLE... this was completely not seen by anyone... Me as a person am far from trusting and this was love, complete trust, respect... and I'm f**cked now... how he could do this to me?? Now I have moved in with my brother and am giving him a week to get out and I can't stop dying, I am trying to be strong and I thank God that I have to opportunity to get this right before we signed this new lease anddd I am just so confused anyone know what this is? WHAT IS WRONG with the EFFIN WORLD?? He and I go everywhere together literally and everywhere we go we are laughing and joking and being each other, I really call him the missing part of me... HOW CAN YOU LOOK AT ME and say you love me and care more about me than anything in the world and do that kind of thing... especially with that woman? HELP please

Your hurt, angry, and furious I could not blame you... but hun it takes two people to cheat, and in his eyes apparently he seen her in a different way than you do.
Consider yourself forunate enough to see the real him before you were married and had a child that would have put him in your life together for 18 long years or more.
YOU WILL SURVIVE THIS, step by step.. but DON'T YOU DARE JUST SIT THERE AND CRY OVER HIM.. HE IS NOT WORTH IT HUN. At least not too much hun

You poor poor thing. Are you certain this is true? If you are then there really is no way to explain this. Some times the people we love can make decisions that toltally turn our lives upside-down. He may try to explain to you why he did this but you really have to be honest in your heart of hearts, could you ever not only forgive, but forget what he has done? If the answer is no, which I suspect it is, then you have no alternative but to say goodbye and work on letting go. I admit this will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but as you say it is far better to find out now. This is nothing to do with a lease but to do with the emotional commitment you would have put into a marriage and maybe even a family. You deserve better than this. All I can suggest is eat ice cream, watch crappy movies and cry on your nearest and dearest. Eventually you will return to normal and the pain will ease but it will take a lot of time. Recieveing text messages and emails from him will only delay the process. If you do decide to stay with him, then you have to tell him how he can regain your trust, slowly! I wish you all the luck in the world xxx

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Originally Posted by EnglishRose

If you do decide to stay with him, then you have to tell him how he can regain your trust, slowly! I wish you all the luck in the world xxx

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I do want to stay with him, but I won't tell him how, I want him to be a man and figure that out. He has a lot of emmotional and mental help to get as well as addictive and I won't fix it he has to do it himself, it will be at least a year before I will consider if he has completely turned it around and if he stays and works for it then I will, but if not I will move my life on and think about him everyday, and as for the texts I am doing it now... I just need answers because I would never begin to understand how this could happen I don't have a thought of lying to him or anyone else for that matter so I don't know how someone can do it... But instead of running home to New Jersey he is staying here, and I am all he had here, and my family so there's no other reason to stay, he moved here for me... and I think he wants to fix it, obviously but I just don't know if I should, I just can't love another like I love him. I hate most people, I am very picky and I Love Every Thing About him, but apparently not... I don't even know the man I lived with for the last year... that hurts the most...

I haven't eaten since I found out until this morning and I could barely throat that... half a chicken biscuit...

Has he confessed and said he is sorry?

Yes he admitted and won't stop appologizing

Did he give any explanation for what he did?

He was drunk and... I don't know really he just says he is f***ed up and needs help

You could suggest relationship counciling. Not only could it help your relationship but it will show you he is committed to trying. Are you certain you can forgive this? I personally forgave someone once and in the end I had to break it off because I became a bit of a raving looney. I was checking his phone, looking at recipts he left lying aroung etc. to be fair though, he was an idiot and did do it again and I do genuinely believe some people learn from their mistakes

Forgiving someone after such betrayal is so hard. You BOTH have to want to work this out.
Trying to understand WHY this has happened is almost equally as hard. To try and figure out why someone that you have given yourself completely to, is almost impossible. There is no valid reason for it.
If he is who you want - then you have to look inside yourself and figure out if you CAN forgive this. He has broken your trust and your heart. I believe you have to tell him what you need from him - which I would imagine would be - DON'T CHEAT(! ) first of all and then go from there.
Staying together after an affair is a hard road to travel, believe me, I know, I am traveling it right now. But, if the willingness is there on both parts, I think it can happen.
Good Luck.

Deciding to go back into a relationship where the person whom you thought was the love of your life betrayed you is, at minimum, difficult, if not illogical. Emotions ride high, thinking about all the beautiful moments you shared with this person, it makes it hard to let go. You don't want to lose that, you don't want to face that all the time you dedicated into nurturing that relationship just got thrown out the window by his selfish actions. If you're willing to forgive and forget, I mean, discuss what happened open and honestly and then never bring it up again, or let it influence your behavior toward him, than go for it. But if you think that you are going to have a hard time getting past it and will harbor resentment for this, then don't bother.

He lied. The worst kind of lie. Huge lack of character. He blamed it on being drunk, that's not accepting responsibility, but pawning it off on the booze. How did it happen? How did they end up drunk, in the same room at the same time without you or your dad around?? A lot to think about, so take your time and make a decision you can respect yourself for.