I'm 22 years old and my boyfriend of 1 year and 5 months of being together and living together has only asked to have sex with me like once. All the other times its been because of me.

At first I was OK with just going for it, then after I would just ask if we could have sex. After so much rejection and excuses I'm scared to try or ask because myself esteem goes lower and lower. I know he loves me and we get along great its just the sex. I've even talked to him. I've asked and been rejected and cryed and then we have sex, but I know he does it only because I was crying. I feel like I'm begging him to have sex with me at times.

After the first month or two he doesn't try. When we have sex he doesn't try. I've tried so much to please him and yet, I feel so low. Can you guys give me advice? I've been thinking to just leave and live with my mom for a month and let him figure out what he wants because I'm tired of trying.

You have no real relationship.
A real relationship will have communication, you have none, since you are asking us, and should be talking to him about it, now while in bed but set at the table and talk about it.

If not, perhaps time to move on before you waste more of your lfie

The thing is I've already talked and talked to him almost everyday. He says he's trying, but he's always tired from work or its to late, or there's no condoms. We love each other we spend every day together. We love the same things and dislike similar things as well. I just don't know why sex with him is so fustrating? Ive been dealing with this with him for a long time and maybe I was thinking just maybe someone went through this and has advice? I love him so much to ever be without him it hurts just thinking about it.

It may be a combination of overwork, unhealthy diet, low testosterone, and depression. Any of those alone could be enough. By depression I mean unhappiness over his job, which studies have shown has a huge effect on men in the bedroom, more so than women, in general.

Are you craving intercourse, or lacking affection? Can you distinguish where your dissatisfaction truly lies? Many couples settle into a sort of comfortable cuddling relationship with a lot less sex when leading exhausting lives. If he isn't affectionate, snuggle up to him and say you aren't trying to have sex, just want warmth and touch.

Im a very sexual person. I would love to have sex 3 times a week. Im a understanding person. At first when I would hint him and got rejected I told him how I frlt. He said its all in my head. Then after he would say he's tired. Well I would just relax and be understanding because he works but its been a year and so passed and only once has he initiated sex. He cuddles and compliments me and hugs me and kisses me every second he can. He has time to talk to his friends, to be on his cell, to play video games. All these things but never for sex. I don't mind video games becausebi play too but I make sure he's on the top of my list.

So you have to decide what to do next, and there's no right answer.
Stay as is and masturbate, unless that's not what it's all about for you.
Have a just-for-sex partner, with his knowledge (or without, I suppose, but that's not fair).
Break up and find someone more compatible.

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Originally Posted by Sizzle7711

The thing is ive already talked and talked to him almost everyday. He says hes trying, but hes always tired from work or its to late, or theres no condoms. We love eachother we spend every day together. We love the same things and dislike similar things as well. I just dont know why sex with him is so fustrating? Ive been dealing with this with him for a long time and maybe i was thinking just maybe someone went through this and has advice? I love him so much to ever be without him it hurts just thinking about it.

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Sometimes love isn't enough; no matter how much we want it to be.

What I see here is a difference of expectations and borderline obsession on your part. Being co-dependent isn't about putting your SO above and beyond everything else, that is just a recipe for disaster. It is about balancing your lives together so that you have your quality time and they have the time to pursue what they want to do. You are defining yourself as being his girlfriend and not yourself. Do you see this?

What you're doing with the sex is like holding onto a hand full of sand. The harder you squeeze trying to keep it in, the quicker it is going to slip through your fingers. What he was described as reasons that he's not interested in sex are perfectly valid, but I also think there is a unspoken reason or two.

What I think is best for the both of you is to end this relationship and move on to different people. You need to figure out what it is like to be yourself. As well you need to find someone more sexually compatible with you.

But then would that mean sex can be a reason to leave someone you love?

There's no list of reasons to leave someone you love. Each person has to make his and her own decisions. Sometimes it's the concrete, easily defined behavior that is the 'reason,' and other times it's the lack of willingness to work on what is missing or not liked. In other words, not wanting sex isn't necessarily a reason for you to leave, but his telling you things like it's all in your head, whatever that means, might be.
You can either sit down with yourself and decide your next step, or you can tell him that you will be deciding what to do within a certain time frame. Say it without anger, at the right moment. How he responds will give you a clue how much he is willing to work this out with you, and that is as important as the issue itself. If he just gets annoyed and shrugs it off, what will you do? If he wants to work it out, what will you compromise on?

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Originally Posted by Sizzle7711

But then would that mean sex can be a reason to leave someone you love?

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You can leave someone for ANY reason. It is how you justify it to yourself that becomes the crux. You can leave someone because they prefer to wear yellow. Is it justified? To you it is, might seem bullsh!t to the other person.

Where things get dicey is when you say you're dumping them because of one reason when it is because of another.

As long as you know why and you're okay with it than there is no reason you can't dump anyone for any reason.

The problem with using sex as the reason for breaking up is because it seems to trivialize the entire relationship. As if you were only in there for the sex. Which is almost always untrue. It is one of those taboo parts of the relationship that people almost never talk about but it is one of the most important parts too. It relates to a persons most person and most private of self-esteems and self images. When you dump a person because there is no sex, or the sex is bad, or their kink/fetish is too weird for you, it will hit them there and might damage them. Questions of self worth and value will be resounding in their head.

The thing to remember about all this is that when you break up there will be damage. There will be hurt feelings and people will rarely stay friends. As much as you want to. So there you have it in a nutshell dumping because of lack of sex is fine. Might give him enough of a push to work on it with his next girlfriend. She'll will probably thank you, but not in person because that would be creepy.

Good luck!

Everybody always says the relationship is perfect except for the sex. I say its not perfect and other areas of the relationship needs a closer look. Impossible without communicating.

So my basic questions are your ages, and do you work? Some background on him helps also, and are there kids involved here? Was sex ever great? I mean if he has always been this way, what made you think he would change?

You mentioned you spend everyday together. Do you work together? Do you call him a lot while he is at work? Too much time together will ruin a relationship if you aren't aware of how to separate some time for each other to spend some time alone or doing something other than being with each other.