Hello; lately my fiancé has been living with me during the week and it makes it easier for him to get to work since it is only about 15 or 20 minutes to his work. It's been several months now that this has been happening. I cook all the meals and even give him lunch to take to work. However, he doesn't really help me out at all with money. One time he did give me 50 dollars and said since I normally spend about $50 a week for lunch, he said he might as well give it to me. So, I reminded him of this the following week and he said that he needed to get paid again and which for him, it is every two weeks.

The other night he came over after work and we were talking about taxes. I was trying to help him because he has some back taxes and then he was wish washy about it in that he said he already paid it then he said he owed more then he originally said. I got confused and then he said he didn't care to talk about it. That he did not care. I am the opposite. I want to get my taxes done as soon as I can. So, I sent him back to his home which is an hour away because I was getting annoyed at him. We have only been going together for about 3 months exclusively.

Is it right that I expect him to help out with money and how common is it to break off an engagement?

"Is it right that I expect him to help out with money " - absolutely. Not only should he be you shouldn't have to remind him either.

Would it be a better financial situation if he just lived there and would you two be up for that?

I don't know about breaking off an engagement. There has to be more to that story I suppose. Thinking about it??

Hello Oliver: yes there is more to it. He has his son's girlfriend also living at his house. His son is 36 and his son's girlfriend is 31. His son declared bankruptcy too just recently. He also has bad credit as of today. But I am willing to help him out but we don't seem to do anything anymore. He just comes to my place after work and we watch TV. He doesn't want to spend any more money on me except when he gets paid just for that day like eat out to subway one time out of the whole week and that's it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by 123chris456

Hello Oliver: yes there is more to it. He has his son's girlfriend also living at his house. His son is 36 and his son's girlfriend is 31. His son declared bankruptcy too just recently. He also has bad credit as of today. But I am willing to help him out but we don't seem to do anything anymore. He just comes to my place after work and we watch TV. He doesn't want to spend any more money on me except when he gets paid just for that day like eat out to subway one time out of the whole week and that's it.

---

Wow. Sounds like Mr. Fiancé has gotten lazy or something. It also sounds like you need to have a heart to heart discussion about the future. Communication is the key and you need some answers.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

Wow. Sounds like Mr. Fiance has gotten lazy or something. It also sounds like you need to have a heart to heart discussion about the future. Communication is the key and you need some answers.

---

Thank you, also, just to add he came to my place on a Saturday and he wanted nothing more than to just watch TV the whole day. Boring... Thanks for all your feedback

He's using you, in my mind, or at least according to how it sounds.
Break up now before he starts borrowing money. You are just a way to save time and money getting to work and back, and that's for starters, I'll bet.

And other thing: all these fiancés floating around are a pet peeve of mine. Did he ask you to marry him, complete with plans and a future and an income that can handle marriage? And a ring?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by joypulv

He's using you, in my mind, or at least according to how it sounds.
Break up now before he starts borrowing money. You are just a way to save time and money getting to work and back, and that's for starters, I'll bet.

And other thing: all these fiances floating around are a pet peeve of mine. Did he ask you to marry him, complete with plans and a future and an income that can handle marriage? And a ring?

---

Hello there. Yes he actually did ask me to marry him and gave me a ring. However, but he doesn't want to spend any money on me anymore. It does seem like that too to me that he is yes using me and then later on he'll just let me keep the ring as a token when he did what he had to with me. Mind you, I don't mind helping out, but staying home on a Saturday watching TV the whole day. Its getting boring. Thank you for your feedback

You should have told him that 3 months is a bit to soon for marriage plans given that the more you learn the more you are annoyed with. Yes I think he is using you as an escape from his overcrowded home.

But you have a great preview so far of how things will be with him, so make a decision about what YOU want. End his free ride with a budget, or return his ring, or both.

You have options, weigh them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

You should have told him that 3 months is a bit to soon for marriage plans given that the more you learn the more you are annoyed with. Yes I think he is using you as an escape from his overcrowded home.

But you have a great preview so far of how things will be with him, so make a decision about what YOU want. End his free ride with a budget, or return his ring, or both.

You have options, weigh them.

---

Hello there; Well at first 3 months was not out of the question, but as things went on, things just took a downturn because now his son has declared bankruptcy and there is no hope now that he will move out of the house. I am not sure how to approach the matter with my fiancé. But thanks for your feedback

The issue here is, it sounds like he is a very very poor money manager, what does he spend his money on ? Does he keep a budget,

Most of the time when they don't want to talk about money, it means they waste it or don't make as much as they have you believe

I hope you stay alert and pay attention, not through the eyes of a fiancé, but through the eyes of learning a lot more about how this fellow handless himself, and conducts his business, and treats you as a person, and others close to him.

3 months, engaged or not, its still early and much, much more to learn. Dating exclusively or not, is for having fun while you get to know each other.

So are you enjoying the getting to know him?

I have to agree with the others. It sounds like he is using you and doesn't really care all that much.

3 months was a little soon to be engaged and this is what happens... you start to learn about someone and see that maybe they aren't the one for you.None of this is likely to get any better as time goes on. I think I would have a long talk with him and set him straight... or even show him the door.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by odinn7

I have to agree with the others. It sounds like he is using you and doesn't really care all that much.

3 months was a little soon to be engaged and this is what happens....you start to learn about someone and see that maybe they aren't the one for you.None of this is likely to get any better as time goes on. I think I would have a long talk with him and set him straight....or even show him the door.

---

Thank you for your feedback.. I appreciate it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by odinn7

I have to agree with the others. It sounds like he is using you and doesn't really care all that much.

3 months was a little soon to be engaged and this is what happens....you start to learn about someone and see that maybe they aren't the one for you.None of this is likely to get any better as time goes on. I think I would have a long talk with him and set him straight....or even show him the door.

---

Hello there--thanks for your feedback and yes it does seem that he doesn't seem to care all that much. I mean he never wants to go out with me like to a movie, etc. he just wants to stay at my place and hang out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

I hope you stay alert and pay attention, not thru the eyes of a fiance, but thru the eyes of learning a lot more about how this fellow handless himself, and conducts his business, and treats you as a person, and others close to him.

3 months, engaged or not, its still early and much, much more to learn. Dating exclusively or not, is for having fun while you get to know each other.

So are you enjoying the getting to know him?

---

Hi there and thanks for your feedback! You are right that I have to learn a lot about him and so far it seems that he has become lazy and doesn't want to go out with me except for hanging out at my place. Its getting boring.

Financial instability is one of the top reasons marriages result in divorce. So, count your blessings that you're not married to him yet and get out while you still have a chance. A man's job title, what he does for a living and how much he makes are imperial to his identity. Men take a lot of pride in being a stable provider. If your fiancé is already showing signs of someone who is not contributing money for things he should, then he is just living off you and your expenses. Good for you for telling him to go back to his place! You need to set boundaries to get what you want out of relationships. That's not to say you kick him out in the hopes he will crawl back and magically change his ways overnight. But if you demonstrate that you deserve respect and someone who won't take advantage of your generosity, you will get so much more in return.

I suggest you leave him before you find out more unpleasant surprises about his money situation. If he is not upfront with you now and is not good about paying his expenses, then he will make your life and the life of his children miserable because you will be the one to always pick up the slack by paying bills and figuring out a way to earn enough money to sustain your husband's bad spending habits. Why live with that kind of stress when you have the chance at a perfect escape? Don't just break off the engagement. Break up the relationship and you'll be thanking yourself later for it.

Watch the movie "The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio". It's based on a true story. It's about a woman who has ten kids to raise and a husband who spends all their money and the mother is forced to collect as much money as she can through all the writing contests she enters. It may help you envision how difficult your life would be if you stay with your fiancé.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FightingBlues

Financial instability is one of the top reasons marriages result in divorce. So, count your blessings that you're not married to him yet and get out while you still have a chance. A man's job title, what he does for a living and how much he makes are imperial to his identity. Men take a lot of pride in being a stable provider. If your fiancé is already showing signs of someone who is not contributing money for things he should, then he is just living off you and your expenses. Good for you for telling him to go back to his place! You need to set boundaries to get what you want out of relationships. That's not to say you kick him out in the hopes he will crawl back and magically change his ways overnight. But if you demonstrate that you deserve respect and someone who won't take advantage of your generosity, you will get so much more in return.

I suggest you leave him before you find out more unpleasant surprises about his money situation. If he is not upfront with you now and is not good about paying his expenses, then he will make your life and the life of his children miserable because you will be the one to always pick up the slack by paying bills and figuring out a way to earn enough money to sustain your husband's bad spending habits. Why live with that kind of stress when you have the chance at a perfect escape? Don't just break off the engagement. Break up the relationship and you'll be thanking yourself later for it.

Watch the movie "The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio". It's based on a true story. It's about a woman who has ten kids to raise and a husband who spends all their money and the mother is forced to collect as much money as she can through all the writing contests she enters. It may help you envision how difficult your life would be if you stay with your fiancé.

---

Hello and thanks so much for your feedback. I did ask him once how he plans to get his expenses in order and he just said that he will work his off. Meaning just go to work everyday. That to me doesn't cut it. He has to have a plan especially since he has 2 mortgages.