Not sure if this is the right place to post this. It might sound a bit weird, but I just wanted someone else's perspective on what happened.

I dated a guy for about nine months in 2009; it was a fairly serious relationship, but we split because we lived too far apart to make it work. It was a fairly amicable split and we had planned to stay friends, but it just didn’t really happen and apart from seeing each other once shortly after we split, we haven’t really had any contact since. Anyway, to cut a long story short, the other week I saw him at a train station in London. He was alone and the station wasn’t really busy or anything. I plucked up the courage to go over and say hello – but he didn’t seem to know who I was! It was definitely him, as he had his work badge on with his name on and he looked exactly the same as he did the last time I saw him. He looked confused when I went over, even when I reminded him of who I was. He wasn’t with anyone, so it clearly wasn’t a case of him being embarrassed and he didn’t seem to be putting it on, as his face didn’t even show a flicker of recognition, even when I reminded him of who I was. Could anyone possibly explain what was going on – am I going funny or something or is he? It’s only been four years, I don’t really look much different, we didn’t split acrimoniously and yet he didn’t seem to recognise me at all. Obviously I’m a bit confused! Any advice?

It has been four years. You only dated less than a year. And you didn’t remain in contact. Since he obviously wasn’t that big in your life it is somewhat understandable that he didn’t recognize you. It has been 4 years since you all had contact so he’s moved on. And you should too.

I think it's beyond weird that you could date someone for 9 months and they wouldn't know who you were. Even 30 years from now, I would think most people would remember someone they dated for 9 months.

Exceptions would be if he was dating a lot of people all the time - was not exclusive at all with you and didn't see you that often during the 9 months - as in, you didn't matter to him at the time.

Or, possibly he has a memory problem. How old is he?

Another option - he did recognize you but didn't want to talk to you and was pretending not to know who you are.

In any event - I suppose it doesn't matter since he's in your past now.

Actually I don't find it all that surprising at all.


Exceptions would be almost infinite if you think about it.
1) He could have thought "Oh crap, I thought we were done..."
2) As you stated he could have dated 18,902.5 girls since then and doesn't remember every single one.
3) It is possible after 4 years it didn't mean that much to him.
4) It is possible he was playing a game.
5) He was stressed because his dog had been hit by a car and he was rushing to the vet.
6) etc, etc, etc.

Perhaps - I am 48 and remember everyone I ever dated - first and last names, where we met, when we met, and so on. I could see forgetting someone I dated a couple of times but if it was a full-blown relationship for 9 months, that would be really weird. Head injury, maybe?

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Perhaps - I am 48 and remember everyone I ever dated - first and last names, where we met, when we met, and so on. I could see forgetting someone I dated a couple of times but if it was a full-blown relationship for 9 months, that would be really weird. Head injury, maybe?

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It doesn't sound like they were "full blown" relationshippy - from this sentence "because we lived too far apart to make it work".

And come on now - "remember everyone I ever dated" - you HAVE to have some that you forced yourself to forget, right? :)

I had a few tramp'ish years so I don't remember everyone. And that is probably a good thing.

I don't buy this story. Of course he remembered you, regardless of his dating history. He was probably putting on a really good act and pretending not to remember you. Who initiated the breakup? You or him? If you initiated it, then perhaps he took the hit and he hasn't been able to get over you yet (however he should really move on and find better ways to preoccupy his mind. I mean 4 years have passed. You shouldn't let this lingering thought control your mind!). If he split, then perhaps he is simply the type that never goes backwards and tried everything in his power to forget you. Maybe he feels if he acknowledges who you are, it will stir up some old emotions. In any case, the past is the past and there's really nothing you can do about how he chose to react to you. You did the mature thing by saying hello. It's not your fault if he chose not to acknowledge you.

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Originally Posted by FightingBlues

I don't buy this story. Of course he remembered you, regardless of his dating history. He was probably putting on a really good act and pretending not to remember you. Who initiated the breakup? You or him? If you initiated it, then perhaps he took the hit and he hasn't been able to get over you yet (however he should really move on and find better ways to preoccupy his mind. I mean 4 years have passed. You shouldn't let this lingering thought control your mind!). If he split, then perhaps he is simply the type that never goes backwards and tried everything in his power to forget you. Maybe he feels if he acknowledges who you are, it will stir up some old emotions. In any case, the past is the past and there's really nothing you can do about how he chose to react to you. You did the mature thing by saying hello. It's not your fault if he chose not to acknowledge you.

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Not sure what you mean when you say 'you don't buy it?' I've just told it like it is - no reason to make stuff up. Only reason I asked the question was because I found the whole situation so strange and wondered what the hell was going on. I don't have any feelings for my ex, I guess I just needed reassuring that I wasn't going funny or anything! Thanks for taking the time to answer anyway! :-)

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

It has been four years. You only dated less than a year. And you didn’t remain in contact. Since he obviously wasn’t that big in your life it is somewhat understandable that he didn’t recognize you. It has been 4 years since you all had contact so he’s moved on. And you should too.

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I have moved on, I did so quite a few years ago. I was only asking because it was such a weird situation - it would have been the same had it been an old friend instead of an ex. It just seemed incredibly odd, that's all. Thanks for answering anyway!

I can honestly say that I'd be hard pressed to give you the names of everyone I dated when I was still dating, and I'm talking first names, forget about last! Heck, I'm sure I wouldn't know half of them if I ran into them today. In fact, I know that I wouldn't, because an ex came to my work the other day, was all happy to see me, called me by name, and I sat there stunned, because I really couldn't remember who he was. He saw my confused expression and reminded me. Even after he told me I drew a blank. Too bad, he aged well. ;)

The only conclusion I can draw is that you've either changed so much that he didn't recognize you, or the relationship you thought you had with him, meant more to you than it did to him. Obviously it didn't mean that much to him because he didn't stay in touch after you both agreed to. So really, chalk it up to "he wasn't that into you", and move on. One day you'll meet someone that won't be able to forget you even if he tried. Hopefully he'll end up marrying you. If not, you may have a few court dates in your future. ;)

Good luck.

Seems weird, perhaps his wife was around somewhere and he was afraid she may be around ? But you said long distance, so how many times did you actually date in 9 months, 4 times 40 times ? Long distance if you are not actually going out much, or perhaps he was seeing someone else at the time also.

He also may have some guilt about the break up, that you don't know about.

I will agree, I dated so many people in my dating years, that I could not list their first names, I went out with a few 5 or 6 times but don't remember names and only slightly remember them. If the dating was not meaning anything to him he may just have forgotten. What is important to one person not important to another

This is so weird to me - to hear so many people forget these things. Now I'm jealous because yes, I would love to forget several people I dated. How about my ex-husband? That's one I'd like to forget!

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

This is so weird to me - to hear so many people forget these things. Now I'm jealous because yes, I would love to forget several people I dated. How about my ex-husband? That's one I'd like to forget!

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I think it depends on your life. I think it's great that you haven't forgotten anyone. It's sad that I've forgotten so many. It says a lot about the type of life you lead, and the type I lead. It says a lot about the kind of life the OP's then boyfriend lead, which is why so many people are saying that he probably had more than one fish on the hook while she was dating him. That's the only reason I can think of that he'd forget her after only 4 years, because she was a blur amongst many other blurs.

I had many blurs in my life. Thankfully that changed when I met my husband. After I met him, there was only one, and I no longer had to worry about hooking up with guys I'd forget about within a week.

Long story, it wasn't easy, but it lead me to where I am now, and that's a good place. We don't all take a clean route to happiness. Some of us take a very rocky road, with lost of crevices, and obstacles. Sounds like the OP was a crevice or obstacle in this guys life, which is why she was easily forgotten.

That doesn't say anything about her, it says tons about him. So she really should just chalk it up to experience and move on.

Just my opinion. :)

Hi there,

I just meant I believe what you wrote. I just can't believe he didn't remember you. That's the part I don't buy! But I can see why you would question it. Hope that clarifies and sorry for the confusion.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

This is so weird to me - to hear so many people forget these things. Now I'm jealous because yes, I would love to forget several people I dated. How about my ex-husband? That's one I'd like to forget!

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I think if you stand tall, click your heals together 3 times, and say "There's no place..." Wait. That's how to get back to Kansas. Never mind.

You have had to have some that were just uneventful people to date right? I dated a nurse once. She was beautiful but the only reason I remember her is she smoked and every time we kissed my tongue would tingle.