Ok so my boyfriend just got out after doing four years we have three kids and are engaged. I'm ready to let go of the relationship because he is not respecting my feelings already and hasn't even made it all the way home yet.

Before he went to jail he treated me like I didn't exist. Cheated on me for the whole ten years of our relationship. At one point we broke up and he got with another girl. I found out I was pregnant. Mean while she was lying saying she was too. So he gave me abortion money she goes to jail and we get back together. He stays friends with her friends.

One of the women he was cheating with turned him in to the police which is why he did four years. Which I had to sit in jail and court with the other women and found out from court papers that he cheated with her. I also got a felony as a result of what they were doing. So this whole four years he been making promises of changes and saying he had a drug problem or what not. He is in a halfway house. We almost broke up because he wanted to remain friends with his ex girls female friends who helped him cheat.

He agreed to have no involvement with them. Everything was going great until he saw them they popped up at the halfway house. Now he basically is going back on his word saying I should trust him. How can he had slept with every female friend I let him have before? Now they are back in the picture its back to arguing. He says he is a softy for his friends. They been around for 2 years. I been here ten and have his kids. I feel bad because of my kids.

If he can understand I feel I need to leave. He basically chooses them over our family. He says he won't hurt me and he meant it. But all I have to go off is past behavior. And his already going back on his word and not respecting my feelings. He wants all this trust and is not even been home to start gaining trust back. He can't seem to understand that I don't want to be around his ex girls friends period. He says I should get over the past but how can I when you trying to keep reminders (friends) around the past is in my face.

After ten years its like I still am not being put first. Has even talking about using exstacy every now and again. I have no one to talk to about this. Please help.

I would feel bad that your kids have such a poor excuse for a father. And I would know that growing up without him around would be much better for them, than having someone like him in their lifes.

He wanted you back when he went to prison to help send in a little money, most likely he had several girls doing the same thing, for more money on the books.

Time to hit the road and try to salvage what part of your younger life you have left after wasting too much of it on this person

The thing is I never sent him money maybe twice in the whole four years I barely wrote him. His mom sent him 75 dollars a month. He went to jail when I was pregnant with the youngest child so she really doesn't know him I broke it off yesterday. I did get my felony expunged in December so Im not going backwards. I just feel bad because my kids are going to suffer either way and I feel so stupid for believing he would change part of that is because of his mom saying he loves you gI've him a chance but she's hindering him from growing up. I thank you fir your advice Has the only man I've ever fully open up to it just hurts to finally realize the truth.

I think you missed the point. It's not about the money. It's about the role model. This man is a pathetic excuse for a father, unless you want your children following in his footsteps.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I think you missed the point. It's not about the money. It's about the role model. This man is a pathetic excuse for a father, unless you want your children following in his footsteps.

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Maybe you didn't read the part where I said I broke it off already. I never said it was about money I was respo nding to the comment that I was being used for money that as never been the case I think you misunderstood.

If I were you, I would leave the area in which he lives, and get away from him as fast as you can. He lied to you before, then lied again, and what makes you think he is changing.
He is "no good", and you still have time to have a good life, without him, and be happy. You really should get away, make some new friends, and start over. Good luck.

Stay away from him. He is not a good role model for your kids and is just total bad news for you. Get some counseling to help deal with your feelings and issues so you can walk completely away from this.

Are you and he involved in a gang? This sounds like how men in gangs treat their women - like property. They like to get a lot of women pregnant to show how virile they are, but have no qualms about not supporting the children or mothers. This has a lot to do with why most poor neighborhoods consist of mothers with a lot of kids by men who have kids with other mothers. The dads are dead or in jail.

This man is a danger to you and your children. He will never be faithful to you and will never be a proper father. He is going to remain in and out of jail, using and abusing women, not caring who he gets pregnant. This type of man will not change for you.

I agree that you should move out of the area, such as to another state. Do you have a cousin, aunt, friend, anyone who has a more stable life and whom you might move near to in another state? It's important to move far enough that he can't even afford to come visit you.

You also need to reach out to available public resources to turn your own life around. You need counseling - clearly you have been living a really crazy life filled with drugs, violent people, irresponsible people, people in jail. You mention you had a felony yourself, too. Perhaps there is a home available for women with children who need to turn their lives around, where you could get a new lease on life. If you did not graduate high school, you could earn your GED. Then you could get into some job training or a trade school - become a hair dresser, or an accountant or nurse or whatever you might enjoy. There are a lot of programs to help women in your situation to rise above that life.

Getting this man back is the wrong thing to do. The best thing is to leave him behind completely. You have an idea that you want a father for your children, but do you want a father who will get your children shot? Who will continually break their hearts by being aroudn for a week, then going off with another woman, or back to jail? Or who they begin to love and loose to gang violence? Do you want drug dealers or gang bangers coming to your door, threatening you or your kids, demanding money?

Your kids have one reliable parent - you. So, be reliable, get them to safety and sanity. Get yourself out of violence and craziness. When you do, you can look for a solid man - a man with a regular paying job, no criminal record, no drug issues and nobody wanting to kill him or his family.

Thank you all for your advice it feels good to hear people telling me I'm. Making the right decision. Let me in form you a little more no we are not in gangs we never had felonies before this has a loving father to our kids and has always taken care of us financially has always worked and made good money as a roofer. Before all this I also worked as a certified nursing assistant. He began to change after about three years into our relationship shortly after we became homeless because of a house fire. Were 21 and 24 when we met. He had one child from his four year relationship and I had one child from a past relationship and we have two children together. Four total. I used to suspect he was doing things but never had proof. So I stayed because I thought he was changing because of the fire and everything but once we got a new home it got worse then he would do good for along time the relapse in start cheating so I left him. He got with someone else for like nine months we got bk together and it was down hill. He went to jail I got the felony and have been supporting our kids I work two jobs am a good mother stupid woman. I manage to keep my kids in a decent area and good schools. So understand in no I went to a good school Lived in a decent area have a high school diploma. My parents are great but Im afraid to talk to them about. I had never been in love before him and made gloomily of dumb decisions and let people in fluency me he wasn't always like this either he got around these new people and started doing drugs and drinking when before he never drank a lot I drank more than he did. He hasn't come home to live with me but we were trying to work it out. Its been cool since I been visiting him at the halfway house bit he gets out in Feb so last week his friends find out where he is after abandoning him this whole time now he wants me to let him keep these two friends he never slept with them as far as I know but with the history I told him I cannot except female friends we need to work on our family he got angry and didn't agree then apologizes and promises he won't hurt me and will do right but still doesn't want to let them go. To do right. I told him there are to many foul memories with them he needs to be around people that's doing something with their lives. I have changed my life and been struggling here and there but doing OK I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder a few years ago but my jobs stopped me from continuing treatment but I'm going back soon I have made decisions to better our lives Im proud to say as of Dec. 06 2012 I am felony free. I thank you all for taking the time to speak. I needed encouraging and its hard when you have to deal with this alone I walk around with a smile all day every day and people don't know how much I hurt for myself for my kids and eve and him because he is not this person he has a kind heart and has always helped others and been a friendly person but makes bad decisions. I hurt because my kids mostly because they knee the old him to and they love him to death. I don't know what made him change so drastically but I have learned to let go in glad I had the four years he was gone to get him out my system it was easier for me to walk

Sorry for all the typos in on my cel phone were it said stupid woman it should have said in not a stupid woman. I've always be fiesty when it comes to my feelings. Lol

My god what a poor excuse for a man. He chooses other women over his wife, not to mention his own children. I think a clean break would be the best solution. You don't want your children growing up with that kind of father figure around. I don't have any kids so it's probably a lot harder than it sounds to me. I did however have an absentee father and him and my mom had a lot of problems as I was growing up, one day she left him (he'd still visit every once in a while) and I was happy that he wasn't putting my mom under so much stress. Children love their mothers and I'm sure you don't want your children to see you suffer because I think it hurts them more than it hurts you. From what you say if you stood by his side in court hearings till the time he went to jail you must have an enormous heart. You are probably one of those people that take up charity work and volunteering as a hobby. A person like you deserves better than that sorry sorry small man. You sound like a beautiful person who deserves someone as kind to you as you are to others, he is NOT that person. I think sometimes we forget just how deserving we are of wonderful things. It takes an outsiders perspective every once in a while. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better I promise. I just think that kind, big hearted people like you and my mother get taken advantage of far too often. I'm 22 not married no kids and still in college so I'm sorry if I can't give you wiser advice I'm just going from what I've lived personally. It doesn't make you an idiot that you stood by him because you are realizing what a pathetic person he is. I wish you luck.

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Originally Posted by lmpyspaceprnces

My god what a poor excuse for a man. He chooses other women over his wife, not to mention his own children. I think a clean break would be the best solution. You don't want your children growing up with that kind of father figure around. I don't have any kids so it's probably a lot harder than it sounds to me. I did however have an absentee father and him and my mom had a lot of problems as I was growing up, one day she left him (he'd still visit every once in a while) and I was happy that he wasn't putting my mom under so much stress. Children love their mothers and I'm sure you don't want your children to see you suffer because I think it hurts them more than it hurts you. From what you say if you stood by his side in court hearings till the time he went to jail you must have an enormous heart. You are probably one of those people that take up charity work and volunteering as a hobby. A person like you deserves better than that sorry sorry small man. You sound like a beautiful person who deserves someone as kind to you as you are to others, he is NOT that person. I think sometimes we forget just how deserving we are of wonderful things. It takes an outsiders perspective every once in a while. I'm not just saying this to make you feel better I promise. I just think that kind, big hearted people like you and my mother get taken advantage of far too often. I'm 22 not married no kids and still in college so I'm sorry if I can't give you wiser advice I'm just going from what I've lived personally. It doesn't make you an idiot that you stood by him because you are realizing what a pathetic person he is. I wish you luck.

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thank you Im in tears right now. You don't even know me yet hit it right on the nose. My friends and family don't understand my heart. I tried to keep my family together but we do deserve to be happy. God bless you and thanks