Ask Me Help Desk - How to convince my parents about my love?

Hi. I am a non Brahmin gal in love with a Brahmin guy. We are family friends since 2004. We are of the same age and love each other so much for the past 3 years. My parents are looking out for a guy for the past 2 years. I'm being pushed for a marriage because I have a younger sis.

My man is not as bold as me. I'm living with just my prayers and hopes. I quit my job a few months ago to look for a change and still am jobless. Staying at home and listening to everyone's words, I feel so stressed and makes me pull out my heart myself. I sometimes feel there is no point in living a life. My heart cannot be given to any other man.

This caste and stuffs are killing me every day. For god's sake! We are Indians.

It's exactly a year since we told his elder sister's family (who is much closer friends to us than his parents) and my mother. They all disagreed. They gave me reasons such as

- He is not a good guy
- He already had a girlfriend before
- His mother will be rude to you after marriage and get you divorced
Etc.

My dad does not know about yet. I'm so sure and stubborn that I won't give up. But how do I convince our family members?

Why have you not talked to dad?

Why has boyfriend not come and talk to dad ?
If he is not willing to go and talk for you, does he really love you ?

Is your boyfriend ready and willing to do whatever it takes for you to be with him? Are you? If yes, then no convincing is needed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Why have you not talked to dad?

Why has boyfriend not come and talk to dad ?
If he is not willing to go and talk for you, does he really love you ?

Hey Chuck.. the reason we din tell my dad nor his parents is that he is doing his final year MBA.. N if they get to know tis then his education would be nil.. he has no job in hand.. I am taking things slowly... my boyfriend loves me so much that he is afraid I might be unhappy with his family after marriage..

Yes, I am but my boyfriend is quite scared and I am giving him boosts for his lack of confidence.

Does anyone know where I could get the complete horoscope with only Name, Rasi and Nakshtra?? Or a trustable naadi joshiyar?

So you both are so dependent on parents you can do nothing on your own and have no path forward. You with no job or even a sniff of one and him with potential but unproven.

Slow down kids, there is much to be done before you convince any one that this is a good idea, and a marriage will work. You have more obstacles than just parents to overcome and maybe you just want a way out of the house, and reality is you are changing your house for HIS house. Still dependent despite being hopeful for working.

The first obstacle you ignore is you both must be on a solid path to independence, and accomplishment. Its pretty desperate to think a horoscope will help you when the real solution is to grow up and be able to make and carry out your own decisions. Sorry, neither of you are ready to do that.

You want to convince your parents? He better have a job to began with, and not just potential. And he must be a man and present himself and intentions to your family, and his himself, and not be pushed and propped up by YOU.

You need a job. Focus on that.

The only good news is you don't have to marry anyone your parents choose for you. Just say NO! And as unhappy as you are at home, I doubt you would be happy in his home with strangers, and dependent on them. NO doubt they would expect you to pull your own weight, and help out while your love is in school, or at work.

You still would be a dependent, only more so. High hopes and good intentions do not translate into accomplishment. Your horoscope says this path you try to walk, leads to misery. So get a better plan. A more thoughtful one that you both work together, or you accomplish apart. You are not bolder than he is, just more aggressive because he has other priorities at this time, and knows you both need to grow and develop.

You better slow down, and get your own plan of accomplishment. That should be YOUR number one priority.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

So you both are so dependent on parents you can do nothing on your own and have no path forward. You with no job or even a sniff of one and him with potential but unproven.

Slow down kids, there is much to be done before you convince any one that this is a good idea, and a marriage will work. You have more obstacles than just parents to overcome and maybe you just want a way out of the house, and reality is you are changing your house for HIS house. Still dependent despite being hopeful for working.

The first obstacle you ignore is you both must be on a solid path to independence, and accomplishment. Its pretty desperate to think a horoscope will help you when the real solution is to grow up and be able to make and carry out your own decisions. Sorry, neither of you are ready to do that.

You want to convince your parents? He better have a job to began with, and not just potential. And he must be a man and present himself and intentions to your family, and his himself, and not be pushed and propped up by YOU.

You need a job. Focus on that.

The only good news is you don't have to marry anyone your parents choose for you. Just say NO!! And as unhappy as you are at home, I doubt you would be happy in his home with strangers, and dependent on them. NO doubt they would expect you to pull your own weight, and help out while your love is in school, or at work.

You still would be a dependent, only more so. High hopes and good intentions do not translate into accomplishment. Your horoscope says this path you try to walk, leads to misery. So get a better plan. A more thoughtful one that you both work together, or you accomplish apart. You are not bolder than he is, just more aggressive because he has other priorities at this time, and knows you both need to grow and develop.

You better slow down, and get your own plan of accomplishment. That should be YOUR number one priority.

Thank you.. Your right.. we need to slow down and that is why we told some of our family members, who are involved in taking the decision.. I would be more than happy to wait for him till he gets a job..

I don't discuss about these to any of my friends.. I am very selective with regards to that.. thats why started seeking for advises on forums.. I gain confidence by reading horoscopes and half the time talk to myself and crying..

As I told you my parents are on a look out of a guy, they try to convince me every time someone comes to see me.. when its extreme, what do I do? Luckily I hv been rejected so far wit all such consequences..

I am seriously on a search for a job.. we are patient as much as possible now.. we are not in a hurry.. we are stressed out so much that it affects both of us at our homes...

Deal with the stress by working for your goals of independence, and good jobs. Especially YOU! Even if it means furthering your education to that end. Your leverage is better if you can at least feed and support yourself without your parents, his parents, or HIM.

With independence and accomplishment comes confidence and strength. Beats crying and being stressed, and needing the escape of horoscopes.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Deal with the stress by working for your goals of independence, and good jobs. Especially YOU! Even if it means furthering your education to that end. Your leverage is better if you can at least feed and support yourself without your parents, his parents, or HIM.

With independence and accomplishment comes confidence and strength. Beats crying and being stressed, and needing the escape of horoscopes.

Will definitely work on it..! Thank you..

How do I get my boyfriend to listen to me and do what I tell him..?

It does not work like that, you do not make him do what you want, he does things for you if he wants to.

You do this by finding the right boyfriend, If he is not listening to you, there is communication issues, if he is not obeying you, it is because you have the wrong idea about the relationship.

What do you expect of this relationship. It is in hiding, and you can't even be honest about having one

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

In your newest post, you ask how to get boyfriend to listen to you? And to do what you say ?

relationship. It is in hiding, and you can't even be honest about having
one

He is short tempered.. n has a waving mind.. not stable with his decisions... I want him to be patient enuf to listen to me so that I can help him...

I am a Brahmin. Sounth Indian. I fell in love while in College and married him right after college. We both are from the same caste but different sub-caste,, my mother-in-law created a huuuuuuuuuge drama for this reason only. She even tried to sabotage our relation by saying I had many other relations and that she got this info from one of my friend. I had to make her talk to my lecturers to ensure I was not as bad as she heard. Been married for more than 6 years now. It took me almost 5 years to win her confidence. We still have a lot of distance, but working on it.

Having said this, I want you to picture your future, what you can expect etc. You need to be strong. Now tell me,
Does your boyfriend really want to marry u? Has he proposed or is he taking any initiative to make sure you marry each other? Does he at-least talk about marrying u?
If the answer is YES, both of you talk to your dad and explain the situation. If u think his education will be tampered, talk to your dad ONLY. Convince him and earn his confidence.
As for matching horoscopes, are you a south indian or North?

Note To your mother: If u feel the boy has had a girlfriend before, then your daughter will be no different if she marries any guy other than him.

Tell your mother what I said above. I don't mean to be rude, but it's the fact. If u marry someone else, it is simply the same...

He is not your poppet... u have no right to boss over him. Unless you are asking him to do something for his good (like quitting drugs/smoking etc), u have no right to expect anything from him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silver Lining

I am a Brahmin. Sounth Indian. I fell in love while in College and married him right after college. We both are from the same caste but different sub-caste,,, my mother-in-law created a huuuuuuuuuge drama for this reason only. She even tried to sabotage our relation by saying I had many other relations and that she got this info from one of my friend. I had to make her talk to my lecturers to ensure i was not as bad as she heard. Been married for more than 6 years now. It took me almost 5 years to win her confidence. We still have a lot of distance, but working on it.

Having said this, i want u to picture ur future, what u can expect etc. U need to be strong. Now tell me,
Does ur bf really wanna marry u? Has he proposed or is he taking any initiative to make sure u marry eachother? Does he at-least talk about marrying u?
If the answer is YES, both of u talk to ur dad and explain the situation. If u think his education wil be tampered, talk to ur dad ONLY. convince him and earn his confidence.
As for matching horoscopes, are u a south indian or North?

Note To ur mother: If u feel the boy has had a gf before, then ur daughter will be no different if she marries any guy other than him.

tell ur mother what i said above. i dont mean to be rude, but it's the fact. If u marry someone else, it is simply the same....

I am a south indian too.. I am very much prepared to deal with my in laws.. his second elder sister has got married to an iyengar for the past 7 years... my bf's family is an iyer.. no couple is 100% happy.. life is a combination of roses and thorns...

I have seen many couples who are facing many problems with their in laws even if its an arranged marriage.. for a gal, I could see that life after marriage is going to be the same with her in laws..

I agree with you.. men are men who ever they are.. I just have to tell my parents in a soft way which is nothg to be rude..

I have been facing the same issues (indirectly) you had been handling.. rumors about many ex relationships.. I trust him and so does he trust me..

U didn't answer my main questions,,
Does your boyfriend really want to marry u? Has he proposed or is he taking any initiative to make sure you marry each other? Does he at-least talk about marrying u?
Dealing with in-laws comes later,,
Also, check ut mail on AMHD,, sent you a private message...