I have no idea what to do so if anyone can help please do. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and half now. Two years before we met he started dating his best friends girl, which resulted in him losing his best friend and the whole group of guy friends stopped talking to him as well. I'm not too sure how long they dated maybe half a year max then she went back to her ex (the now ex bestfriend) after all this settled he lost everyone. No one wanted to be his friend because his ex best friend was still so mad with him but yet they all welcomed the girl back :/...

Anyway when we met he was still in contact with this girl ( text messages here and there but some were saying they missed each other, that there new profile picture is sexy and what not. I was really upset over all this and my boyfriend reassured me its OK he doesn't have feelings for her and completely cut contact with her. That was last spring. We moved in together in the summer and everything's been bliss.

However he ran into one of his old friends the other day and now there all hanging out again. Plus he's going to meet up with his old best friend to apologize. So my problem is that he wants me to come along when they all go out. Which means I'm going to be hangingout with his ex which I have no desire to do, given the stress she's caused on our relationship and I have better people to be with than her. I told him he can go out with his guy friends and I don't care but I don't want to tag along and be stuck making small talk with his ex the whole time. He doesn't understand why this upsets me. Ive even told him it gives me anxiety and upsets me. I haven't made eye contact with him in two days and I've been crying so much. I have no idea if I should just suck it up and go out with them and feel completely awkward or just leave him.

He's made it clear he's missed all his friends and wants them back in his life. So here I am totally mind blown at everything that's happened and no idea what to do.

Please help.

Hmmmm. Well BOOOOO on him for ruining friendships. Best friends are hard to find.

Anyway, from where I sit on this I don't see it as that big a deal, sorry. I mean we all do things we don't want to do. You could ask him to make sure you are included in the conversations. I just don't see this issue as big enough to not speak to him and have it ruining many days for you. But I am a guy and what do guys know?

:)

I don't think you understood my problem correctly. If I would to go out with them I'd be stuck with his exgirlfriend because culturally when they get together the girls group up and the guys do for most of the night. Which I have no desire to spend time with her a few days a week. My boyfriend wants me to come every time and be a part of these reborn friendships. Which I have no desire to do. I already have girlfriends that haven't had sex with my boyfriend that I'd rather spend my time with.

Well of course he sees no problem with this. He cheated with his best friends girl friend and he still texts her?
I'd tell him you will go once, but you will not hang out with them on a regular basis. Do you trust him? Maybe that is why you are so angry.

I do trust him so much, I've never trusted anyone as much as I trust him. Its just he wants me to be a part of these hangouts every time because obviously itd be weird if everyone's girl is there except me every time. :S I feel like he's making me give him an ultimatum. But even if he'd choose me over these friends, I'd feel so guilty and I can't handle that either so I'm really stuck now. :(

I think he is being selfish and childish. I would not want to hang around his ex and the group all the time either. You have told him you don't care if he hangs out, him expecting you to all the time is just selfish.
I can't imagine his best friend wanting you around his girlfriend every week either.
How old are you guys?

I'm 23 and he's 24. He doesn't really have any other friends at all. So I know he's lonely in that sense but like I've told him there's lots of people in this world to be friends with but he wants these people because they were friends since high school. Seems immature to me too.

Maybe he wants you around to prove to his friend that he has a girlfriend and does not want his, again. This is all very childish.
Just tell him you don't want to be hanging out with them all of the time. He'll either deal with it or he won't.

You trust him now but that trust will only fade if you give in and hang out with his group of friends. It seems like a simple lose-lose scenario to me. I mean, let's say you hang out with his friends he wants to reconnect with. You think it will stop at one social gathering? No. Of course not. Once you say yes the first time, your boyfriend will come to expect it the second time, third, fourth, etc. You will begin to feel like he undervalues your opinion and doesn't respect your feelings towards the awkwardness of the situation. Then let's say you stick to your guns and don't go to these social gatherings. He will resent the fact that you don't want to go and perhaps make it out to be your fault that you won't be part of his old life. In turn, you will resent him for resenting you!

Secondly, he cheated with his best friend's girlfriend so there's a justified reason why the friendship with this circle of friends was cut off to begin with. Of course, the girl is just as wrong as he is so for them to still be friends with her and not with him is just strange. If he had the capability of cheating with someone else's girlfriend, I'm sorry but he has the capability of doing it to you too. I think you should consider leaving him if he continues to disregard your feelings. You have solid reason to wave your red flag!

Sure enough friends are important at any age, and some of us still keep in contact with those from our high school days… Although, this will eventually fade as we all go our separate ways in life.

It is also commendable that he wants to apologize to his former best mate… Yet, I sense the awkwardness it presents to you and agree; there are “better people to be with than her”

However, if you look at this hanging out as something temporary and face it with 100% confidence; that he no longer has any interest in her; you will come out of this smiling! Eventually, you and he will develop your own group of friends through mutual interest and these former High School friends will disappear from the picture; including her!

I suggest you brave up this once and go along to see what's happening first hand. I'm pleased that; “he wants you to come along when they all go out…” for whatever the reason is; otherwise you'd be writing something totally different here, if he had excluded you altogether!

So I guess the question is, if you think you can go in there confidently with your head held high and no suspicions the outing will be awkward with her being there, then do you think you'll still be mad at your boyfriend for insisting you go? If the answer is no, then you should give it a try. The outing may not be as bad as it seems. On the other hand, if it's exactly what you expected then stick to your guns and don't let him make you feel guilty about your decision.

AS I said before, you can go once, but if he is expecting you to hang out with them on a regular basis, that is a bit much.

After all this time he has not made new friends,
If he gets back with them, he will be hanging with them all the time, so this is a choice you are going to have to get used to. If he goes to be with them every weekend, you will soon be an EX if you don't go.
So his ex is there ? What is the deal, the deal to me is that you have allowed him to keep texting and talking with her

While I can see you not wanting to be stuck with an ex of your boyfriend, divorced people go through this often, as they date and remarry others. Its really no big deal, even though our feelings make us reluctant. I say go once just to support your boyfriend, then decide whether its something you can deal with again.

Have fun whether she is a witch, or a cool person. Never know for sure until you check it out for yourelf.

Thank you everyone for all the feedback, it has all been very helpful. I will be seeing him tomorrow night to talk. So well see what happens...

I went through the same thing. I hung around some female friends of my bfs ex just to be around him and show him I trusted him and It was the worse mistake I ever made. You will never be comfortable and my boyfriend was the type to sleep with friends girls. He went to jail for a while 4 yrs and promises me has changed of course and would not be friends with them. Has been in a halfway house for 4 months. They pop up one time and he expects me to just change my mind with no concideration to my feelings. The story is deep. But to make it short do what's best for you cause end the end you will be left with the scars. I know if my fiancé doesn't make the right choice and put me first Im done. Don't end up like me 10 yrs later three kids later and nothings changed are you willing to put your heart in the hands of someone whose not even willing to make a sacrifice for you. All things are not to be compromised. If it doesn't bother you do it but if it does don't compromise yourself. With love comes sacrifice. Hope this helps. In going through this as we speak hope it works out for the best for you. God bless!! :)