I had been with my boyfriend for 3 years before I had to end it one and a half months ago. Since that time, I have kept busy working my two jobs, I have read self-help books, gotten together with friends on a weekly basis, journaled my daily experiences, signed up for classes and joined a club all in the hopes that I will forget about him or at least put an end to my sadness. None of it has worked.

I know they say time will help one heal, but even by applying the no-contact rule, nothing is working. Should I just give it more time, or is this something that will continue to plague me if I don't seek professional help?

Thanks!

Maybe tell us why you had to end it. Might be a clue there.
I'm no fan of self-help books when grieving, but at least it filled some time.
Do you have a best friend on whom you can really unload, crying, stomping, running the gamut of emotions, or are you all so together-acting that you didn't get to do that?

I am someone who doesn't even try to 'get over' something. I don't like the word closure. I believe more in a theory that we incorporate our losses into who we are, for the future. The enormity of the loss actually lessens when it isn't so vital to surgically remove it and toss it off a cliff a million miles away.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

Maybe tell us why you had to end it. Might be a clue there.
I'm no fan of self-help books when grieving, but at least it filled some time.
Do you have a best friend on whom you can really unload, crying, stomping, running the gamut of emotions, or are you all so together-acting that you didn't get to do that?

I am someone who doesn't even try to 'get over' something. I don't like the word closure. I believe more in a theory that we incorporate our losses into who we are, for the future. The enormity of the loss actually lessens when it isn't so vital to surgically remove it and toss it off a cliff a million miles away.

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Thanks for your response. I really appreciate the feedback! I basically ended it because I was noticing a lot of inconsistencies in his stories which led me to believe he had been lying to me since the beginning of the relationship. The interesting thing is, I feel although my trust will never be restored with him I will trust someone else someday and that part is not so hard. I have already vented my dilemma with my best friend but I am not sure if her feedback has really helped me. Maybe you're right... I could just be rushing the healing process and not allowing myself the time to grieve properly.

How old are you? Are you in that age bracket that expected to have a husband, kids, and house by now? I went through that. (Probably longer ago than you are old.) Not sure how many women have that as strongly as my generation did.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

How old are you? Are you in that age bracket that expected to have a husband, kids, and house by now? I went through that. (Probably longer ago than you are old.) Not sure how many women have that as strongly as my generation did.

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I'm 26. Sadly, I did see myself marrying this person but in that time we were together he never mentioned the topic of marriage until I brought it up which is another reason I ended it. I figured it's better to be alone for now then to waste what could be potentially 2-3 more years of my life without a proposal. I have an education and an established career. I own my own car and will be putting a down payment on my own house soon so I definitely see myself settling down soon. The question is, will I meet that person who is as ambitious as I am? The man I was with wasn't driven enough. He had a degree in kinesiology but in the entire time we were together, he never got one job offer, nor did he make many efforts to pave a successful future for himself.

'... will I meet that person who is as ambitious as I am?'

If I could answer that...
I think you will, of course.
You may have to put out the word among friends, family, and coworkers.