Ask Me Help Desk - I need help please?

I need help please?

All right so I am 17, gay and a junior in high school (got behind a year). So there’s this guy I really like. He’s cute, funny, and smart and I used to be best friends with his brother. Ever since this school year started I seem to like him more and more every day, but the problem is I don’t know if he’s gay or straight. I asked a friend to find out for me but she didn’t get any answer. He doesn’t really show any signs of straight or gayness.

Pretty much what I’m asking is what do I do if I like him but I don’t know if he’s straight or gay?

Oh and I don’t know if this helps or not but he’s Romanian

Help please :(

There's no easy way to find out other than asking him, and that's a huge risk. If he's not, he may be offended. If he is, he may not be ready to tell anyone about it.

The only advice I can give is to hang out with him as a friend. If things are meant to be, they'll be.

Are you comfortable telling him that you're gay?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

There's no easy way to find out other than asking him, and that's a huge risk. If he's not, he may be offended. If he is, he may not be ready to tell anyone about it.

The only advice I can give is to hang out with him as a friend. If things are meant to be, they'll be.

Are you comfortable telling him that you're gay?

I think he alteady knows that I'm gay,I've said multiple things about it and get called faggot all day :|

Quote:

Originally Posted by DominoTheory

I think he alteady knows that im gay,ive said multiple things about it and get called faggot all day :|

Does he call you names?

Nope he's the only one besides my brother that doesn't

OK, he knows you are gay... then any step toward 'liking' you more than just friends is up to him. Value him as just a friend, unless you are so hung up on him that you can't do that. I'll bet you can - we all need a close friend more than a lover.

As one gay person to another...

Are you prepared to be rejected if he isn't gay or doesn't like gay people? Remember any time you make a decision like this you have to be ready for any outcome.

And I really agree with joypulv in that you should appreciate having a close friend and maybe wait on taking it to the next level. If he knows you are gay and hasn't expressed the least bit of interest in having more than a friendship with you, that may be a signal that he isn't gay.

And remember something very important. Being gay is a small part of you. It isn't the only part of you. So don't define yourself as gay and gay only. You are a son, a student, a friend, a nice person, etc, etc, etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

As one gay person to another...

Are you prepared to be rejected if he isn't gay or doesn't like gay people? Remember any time you make a decision like this you have to be ready for any outcome.

And I really agree with joypulv in that you should appreciate having a close friend and maybe wait on taking it to the next level. If he knows you are gay and hasn't expressed the least bit of interest in having more than a friendship with you, that may be a signal that he isn't gay.

And remember something very important. Being gay is a small part of you. It isn't the only part of you. So don't define yourself as gay and gay only. You are a son, a student, a friend, a nice person, etc, etc, etc.

I think that's my problem ._. The fear of rejection I've had only one previous relationship. The guy didn't want to be seen with me or I don't even think he liked me for me.

If he says no I could just remain his friend.I don't want to make things awkward

Thanks all you guys this has helped a lot ^_^

Quote:

Originally Posted by DominoTheory

I think thats my problem ._. The fear of rejection ive had only one previous relationship. The guy didnt wanna be seen with me or i dont even think he liked me for me.

If he says no i could just remain his friend.i dont wanna make things awkward

Thanks all you guys this has helped a lot ^_^

"If he says no i could just remain his friend." Realize you may not have that option. That is his decision too.

And you're 17 - you don't need to rush a relationship and you don't need to be in a relationship all the time. So be selective and choose wisely. Plus go to college because colleges always have a nice selection of gay boys!

My boyfriend and I are not "out" at all. We work and live together. I selected the right one and it is amazing. So remember that!

Oliver has given you some great advice from a gay perspective.

I'm going to give you some advice based on a straight perspective, and sadly a female one, because I'm not male. ;)

This boy accepts you, knows you're gay, and is your friend. Now, I don't understand why some people flee when they find out a friend is gay, but sadly, it does happen. This boy isn't doing that. But, he also hasn't indicated that he's interested in you. He may just be a great guy that realizes that you being gay, doesn't matter when it comes to you being a friend.

The risk you run by asking him out, is that you go from being a friend, to someone that is interested in him. From a heterosexual point of view, and a female one at that, I can tell you, I had many guy friends in school that wanted to be more than friends, and it almost always ruined the friendship, because afterwards I felt uncomfortable, and so did they.

Now, if you add the gay twist, I had that happen too. I had a few gay friends, both male and female, in high school and college, and to this day. In high school one of my gay female friends made a pass at me. Now, she knew full well that I wasn't gay, not even bi-curious, but she went for it anyway. I have to say, it made me very uncomfortable, mainly because I felt that she didn't value me. She knew that I wouldn't be interested, she knew I was heterosexual, but she went for it anyway, because she wanted to. It made me feel like she had a complete disrespect for who I was, something I would never do to her.

If you ask him out, and he's not interested, or not gay or bi, then you run the risk of losing his friendship. At 17 it's unlikely that any relationship you have will be the one you end up with forever. Sometimes it's a good thing to wait, see what happens.

Remember, high school is not easy. He may not be ready to come out. He may not be gay at all! Do you really want to risk losing him altogether? Why not wait? There's no hurry, you have the rest of your life. :)

I agree that you shouldn't lay everything out in the open at the risk you could ruin a potentially rewarding friendship with him and make things very awkward for both of you. Maybe there's an indirect way finding out if he's straight without coming out and being too obvious of your intentions. Maybe if the two of you hang out as friends more you can innocently ask if there's a particular girl he's interested in at school or make a joke about him liking someone. Chances are if he's not a private person he will explain who he likes, if he doesn't like anyone, who he dates, etc. to get a sense of what he's into. If he doesn't open up right away or you're too shy about approaching him in this manner not knowing how to act naturally, then I would suggest to let the friendship go in the direction it's intended to go. Eventually you will find out the truth either through him or someone who is associated with him. Good luck!

I do agree with FightingBlues, I just want to add one thing. Even if he is gay, or bi, that doesn't mean that he'll be interested in you. Homosexual relationships are just like straight relationships. If someone isn't interested, it really doesn't matter if their sexual orientation is the same as yours. It really could be that he's just not that into you. Remember that when you go forward.

My advise is to get over it.

Wow this is all great advice ._.

Im going to try to get over him,I value him mostly as a good friend and I really don't want anything to ruin our friendship.

And yea you guys(and girl) are right.I am just 17 :P got a lot ahead of me ^_^

I fell for a friend and feelings were not mutual. I was obsessed with this person! It was not healthy. I tried once but was pushed away.

Eventually as the person gradually withdrew and out friendship grew apart, I pushed more until I left the situation behind.

I moved on only through no contact.

So turns out he wasn't gay,but he still wanted to remain friends after the 5 minutes of awkward silence.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DominoTheory

So turns out he wasnt gay,but he still wanted to remain friends after the 5 minutes of awkward silence.

Good. You get to keep a good friends. Be careful with this in the future because it may not turn out that way. And always remember friends are just the best thing to have.