I have been married 6 1/2 years. Prior to my marriage I was in a 3 year relationship. I loved this person more than anything. He was my very best friend. I was young and scared of our connection. I wanted to be young, wild, and free. I began a sexual relationship with a guy I dated prior to my ex. My boyfriend and I broke up and 3 months later I was pregnant.

To make a long story short, my life became a world wind. At 21 I was married. This man never even took me on a date before I got pregnant! Our marriage has been difficult. I have dealt with verbal abuse, adultery, even physical abuse once. In 2012, we were separated for 4 months because he had sex with an associate of mine. I took him back because I felt like it was the right thing to do for our kids. I try to accept things and pray constantly about our marriage. But the truth is most days I can't bare the thought of spending the rest of my life with my husband when after all this time I am still in love with my ex.

We have this connection that both he and I constantly battle. I can sense things from him... it's like our soul's are connected.

Please help.

"This man never even took me on a date before I got pregnant!" And then you added a second (or more) child to this?

First of all forgetting the other guy you shouldn't remain in a relationship that is abusive. Period. You shouldn't remain in a relationship with someone that cheats.

Fix what is broken first, forgetting the other guy. You don't need to be raising children in an abusive relationship. If along the way after you have fixed what is broken (meaning gotten out of horribleness) and you want to think about calling the other guy, then do so. But not before.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

"This man never even took me on a date before I got pregnant!" And then you added a second (or more) child to this?

First of all forgetting the other guy you shouldn't remain in a relationship that is abusive. Period. You shouldn't remain in a relationship with someone that cheats.

Fix what is broken first, forgetting the other guy. You don't need to be raising children in an abusive relationship. If along the way after you have fixed what is broken (meaning gotten out of horribleness) and you want to think about calling the other guy, then do so. But not before.

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I agree with Oliver2011.
If you don't feel comortable in your own home.
Take the kids and leave.
The needs of the kids do come 1st..
And yours will follow.


As for the ex!
There are times when we really do find out how much we love them.
Until later.

Sorry, can't quote so I have to cut and paste.

"Mark - I agree with Oliver2011.
If you don't feel comortable in your own home. Take the kids and leave. The needs of the kids do come 1st..
And yours will follow. As for the ex! There are times when we really do find out how much we love them.
Until later."

The OP is foolish to give up all she knows and has by packing up and leaving. She needs to consult with an Attorney. If her husband is abusive she needs to report the abuse to the Police.

And to the OP - how does your "ex" feel about you?

I think it's a mistake to go from one man to another - and I believe you've found that out. Get out of the marriage, get yourself together emotionally. Decide what is best for you and your children. It's not just about you - it's also about your two children.

But please! Don't just pack up and move up. You can/will be charged with desertion. You will also appear somewhat unstable.

I am not an advocate of multi-lovers because the result is always separation and the divorce percentage globally is growing alarmingly and children are the ones who suffer so much.They grow up in an environment never really experiencing biological parental love and in the end grow up full of resentment and aggressive.

I think you had done the right thing by taking husband back for the sake of your children but you have to forget your ex. All of us have this tendencies to think of our ex's when we've secured the love of our life.The very same feelings you had for your husband while you were having relationship with you ex a now vice versa thing which means the mind always have room to accommodate an extra lover in case you felt lonely. Please master the courage and forget your ex.

While you were courageous and able to find a forgiving heart with understanding can your husband do likewise for your sake and children? Do you have counselings available in your area for parents? Can your husband attend with you?

The center of attention should be our children and not us anymore.

I agree that children should be the focus. My child was the very reason I chose to get married. I wanted my child to grow up in a home with both parents. But, as I have reflected over my life and matured, I know that it was the wrong choice. I should have never married someone that I knew was not deserving of me and I should not have married someone when I still loved another man.

We are both Christians and we have done counseling. But even as a Christian, my husband let his fleshly desires control him. If he could cheat on me as a Christian, I can't begin to imagine what took place before that I don't know about.

I am the leader of my home. We both work. But I clean, pay bills, and make every decision pertaining to our marriage and kids. I have to give him things to do if I want help! I even plan vacations. I don't do this because I want to... I HAVE TO.

I am not in danger but then again I have a hard time accepting that this truly is an abusive relationship. I am so used to the disrespect and harshness. He loves me and wants to be married. But, I constantly question what I truly want. I guess I should just suck it up and accept that this is my life.

I appreciate the comments and advice from all of you.

Hmmmm you got a really hard situation in your hand. I realized that you are doing the best you can to save the marriage and wow a kind heart! Your husband needs a kick flat square on the mouth.I need to break some of his teeth... ops sorry he just annoys me!

I assume you had done all you could for your husband and he is not responding to you. I do really adore you strength to hold things together while suffering physically and inwardly.
While I am really worried about your love for your ex that it might dictate your mind to break your family up,I have an idea for it that it may play a part too for you.

I think you should let your husband know about your feelings for your ex that is bothering you but don't say his(ex's) on you.Stay on your side all the time.Tell your husband about the friendship that ended before marriage and tell him every time he abuses you it pushes your heart to a depressing lonely point that begins to ask if the decision you made was the right one to leave ex and marry him(hubby). He must be made to understand that the more the abuse or sadness his causes the urgency for your heart to demand an answer about the choice.And your heart is now seems to be telling you it was the wrong choice to marry him! Your husband is pushing your heart to defy reality and he must be aware of it. With your human effort wearing and tearing by abuse... it is close to its limits.
Your husband should be made to understand that he is responsible for your lost love in the family. This should be a conversation and not yelled out during an argument. He should know that it is your most worrying concern that your own heart is asking this things up.Your concern should serve him as a warning!

Miracles do work and as you said you are both Christians I believe that love can be restored and it can come in abundance if both tuned in to the correct line.

This is only an idea... hope you like it!

You will be much better off, have a happier life, without your husband! Leave now while you can, and take the kids with you. See a lawyer. You don't need all this, and don't have to put up with it. Your love for someone else really doesn't have anything to do with his behavior, which is really bad. He has no respect for you.