Ask Me Help Desk - What does he want?

Ok so I've been with my boyfriend since Aug 2011. We split last year just before Halloween so was together around 14 months. At first I wasn't too bothered about him and he fell madly in love with me, he moved into my home in Feb 2012 so like 6 months into the relationship. Things were good, we NEVER argued. I fell madly in love and I actually thought he was the one. Then in Aug last year the day before we had been together a year bearing in mind, he walked out. Took his stuff and ignored me for a week solid. He gave me no explanation. I was heartbroken,depressed and it made me ill. He came back after a week saying he realized he loves me it won't happen again and silly me took him back.

We went on holiday to Spain 3 weeks later, had a fantastic time then in October he walked out again, disappeared, ignored his phone, all my texts etc. for two weeks this time! He came back we got drunk, one thing led to another, he cried, told me he loved me and left the following morning. That day he text me all day saying he loved me missed me blah blah. Then I heard nothing again for 3 weeks! He came to get the rest of his stuff told me he had met someone else and would like a relationship with her. I was heartbroken, I cried, I begged.. he left.

A few more weeks went by and I heard nothing till 30th Dec, when he text me saying have a lovely New Year. I said why are you doing this to me now. I said don't bring your girlfriend out tomorrow it will just cause trouble. He said I won't its over. He ended up coming up. We slept together he told me he loved me and we carried on seeing each other for a week. I ended it last Wednesday because it was messing up my head and now I've found out he cheated on me. He's been texting his ex's and telling me lies and other people lies! I'm distraught I love him so much and I can't just forget him, we work together! When we split he was off sick a lot. I don't know whether its because he was upset or out partying or what. I don't know what to do or think anymore. One minute he wants me the next he doesn't. Help!

Oh please! You know what the right answer is. Why would you put yourself through not only the drama but put yourself through his selfishness?

Much of the pain you are feeling is because you keep taking him back. Don't you think you deserve better than him? Who walks out of a relationship repeatedly without explanation? Also if he cheated once he will cheat again.

Bottom line is you can do better.

He is treating you like a doormat... independently from how he feels he for sure isn't caring much about your feelings or having any respect for you as a person, and if he is that kind of person then he will keep doing it because he knows you let him.
Do yourself a favour and cut all the bridges with him, yes you two worked well together but ehy... all its nice and well if we close the eyes to the bad stuff...
And don't hope for a change, otherwise you will have to be ready to put up with his games until he matures, which could be never

I know.. I feel like such a mug. But why would he tell my boss we need new year off to propose to me? Why tell my grandma he's going to ask me to marry him? This was only September! By October he was gone! How can he love me then treat me this way? He's text me today like I'm the bad one! I try to ignore him I really do but I'm back at work on Wednesday and it makes me I'll even seeing him there!

He's 21 and I'm 26 but even I wasn't immature at 21! Its not like he's a teenager. Since splitting with me he's been kicked out of uni,nearly got sacked from work,he's smoking more.. I don't get it?

You have two options, there is no grey area here. You either keep being his door mat and just take it or you decide you have had enough and want some self respect and tell him NO MORE and mean it. It is not what he wants, because he has what he wants all ready, His cake and he is eating it too. It is what you want. Do you want to be his spare tire? Or do you have any self respect left? You need to decide. If you do not and you continue on then you do not deserve anyone's sympathy Im afraid. If you do not care about yourself then why should anyone else feel bad for you. This is the cold hard truth so toughen up and do what you need to do. You will look back at all this one day (hopefully from the cuddley warmth of a relationship worth having) and think "Geez what was I thinking bothering with a jerk like that". Hopefully we will hear from you soon telling us that you have left him in dirt where he belongs.

You need to get a clue. This guy is a player a liar and a cheat. Leave him alone. He keeps you around as back up and he does so because you let him. He's a charmer and will say anything to keep you on his string. Don't listen to anymore of his nonsense and stay out of bed with him. Use you head and leave him alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You need to get a clue. This guy is a player a liar and a cheat. Leave him alone. He keeps you around as back up and he does so because you let him. He's a charmer and will say anything to keep you on his string. Don't listen to anymore of his nonsense and stay out of bed with him. Use you head and leave him alone.

Hi
Its taken me a while to find this post again.
I know this was written in January and I should have left well alone but since I last wrote all this so much more has happened.
I carried on seeing him,found out I was pregnant! He was over the moon about being a dad,I wasn't so sure about being a mum but we said we would give it a go anyway.
Within a few days I told my boss and a few trustworthy work colleagues,my close family and a couple of close friends.
My boyfriend told nobody not even his parents and when I kept saying don't you think they should know,he just kept making an excuse.
I said what about your friends? He said nah they don't klneed to know.
The following week I was so ill.. ive seriously never been that ill in my life. Thought it was all part of the pregnancy but turns out I had a horrible bug that lasted almost two weeks!
I was that sick I couldn't eat or drink and even sickness medication didn't work.
I had to get a sick note for the week and my boyfriend was very good he went to get my prescription and did anything I needed. It felt like he cared again.. it was nice but in the back of my mind I knew this was all just a big mistake and things were going really wrong.
After a week I still wasn't any better,I was getting worried about me,the baby,not being able to pay my rent.
I had a weeks holiday so I stayed in the bed the majority of it with the bin next to me,I was a mess.
Every night when my boyfriend kept coming home from work he was telling me who he had told I was pregnant and every day it got more and more people! This started really worrying me but I didn't say anything because I thought he was just happy. I just couldn't understand why he didn't want his parents or friends knowing!!
Anyway another week went by (the holiday week) and I just couldn't take anymore sickness,I couldn't even leave the house so I made doctor appointments over the phone and kept sending my boyfriend for my prescriptions.
The bug went then I got told I had hyperemesis. I became depressed by this point,I hadn't left the house in weeks! I didn't know what was being said at work,I didn't trust him! I knew people were asking about me but he just kept saying "I've told them you're really poorly"
6 weeks this has gone on for now and I just couldn't take anymore feeling poorly and my boyfriend was becoming less supportive everyday. He didn't want to talk about the baby and then when I said this he got mad and said "we've talked about it!"
I said I'm worried about my rent! He said "ill sort it out dont worry"
But I was worried.. I was really worried. I was laid in bed one night and he came and got in bed after work and just turned over. I felt so upset.. tears were just rolling down my cheek. All I could think is I'm going to end up a single mum and my lifes going to be ruined. I was poorly,depressed,hadn't seen my friends or family properly for days and my brother and sister in law had just had a baby who I couldn't go see because of how poorly I was.
I told my boyfriend how I felt and he just kept saying "you'll be ok..this won't last forever" then he would go to work and id be in the house all day by myself.
Id had enough by week 4. I felt so alone so I got dressed and dragged myself to the doctors. As I was losing weight and by this point getting pains,he asked me to consider abortion. I was mortified.. I didn't want that but at the same time I knew I was going to end up alone.
I knew my boyfriend would never understand and I realised I just didn't want him anymore,didn't love him and he didn't love me,I could feel it. I felt used,felt so hurt.. I had to get out.
He came round,I ended it,didn't go well he slammed my door and went.
I broke down and went to my parents.
They advised me to keep away from my boyfriend and said an abortion would be best but they'd support me either way.
Heard nothing off him for three days.. I went to stay with my gran then got a text "hi its me my phones been cut off. What are we doing about the scan tomorrow? Shall I just meet you there? Hope you're ok."
I was disgusted. I just ignored it. I got a new phone and number and stayed away.
When I came back home a week later I started getting pains,went to hospital and unfortunately things went wrong.
I felt relieved in a way but so upset that two weekshad gone by and he had made no effort to contact! Could have got in touch.. he knows all my family!
The next thing I heat he's met someone else and been seen with her. The girl in question we also work with and she's meant to be my friend!! In anger is messaged him on Facebook and he did not give a crap! All I got was "listen,can't be bothered arguing,what we doing about the baby?"
I went mental! I said there is no baby!
He replied "oh god im sorry"
Not Im gutted.. I love you I miss you.
I felt crushed. All these traumatic weeks and he did not have a single care!not paid me anything,just disappeared out of my life.
The next thing he's left work nobody knows why.
What a mess! Now I'm left to deal with all the questions when I go back to work,all the upset while he's out partying and sleeping with girls.
Why? Why me? What is wrong with him? Or me?

Sorry about the baby. I know how hard miscarriage is.

He is doing what he has always done. That's who he is. I hope you have truly learned your lesson and are done with him.

Not bothered about him.. dont love him I've realised that now and I dislike everything about him. He's so fake.
I just wanted an apology or for him to at least ask idle I'm OK.
I can't let this drop because I don't have any answers as to why he's put me through all this. How he doesn't care at all makes no sense.

You may have loved him but he was a lying cheater, and it makes perfect sense. That's what lying cheater do... they lie, and they cheat... and hurt people. I doubt you are his only victim.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

You may have loved him but he was a lying cheater, and it makes perfect sense. That's what lying cheater do.....................they lie, and they cheat.....................and hurt people. I doubt you are his only victim.

I've spent all night researching this and I think I know what is wrong with him.. I think he's a compulsive liar and a sociopath.

A sociopath is often well liked because of their charm and high charisma, but they do not usually care about other people. They think mainly of themselves and often blame others for the things that they do. They have a complete disregard for rules and lie constantly. They seldom feel guilt or learn from punishments

You may not get an apology from him. People like him don't do that. You may as well take this as a lesson learned and move on.