My boyfriend of 1 and a half years doesn't want to have sex with me. He always seems to have an excuse for the last 6 months. Unlike other posts I've read they are complaining about having sex only 3 times a month, my partner and I only had sex 3 times in 5 months.

I've tried everything. We've talked about it and he says I make it awkward or make it feel like a chore and he feels guilty. He's also said I shouldn't make it a big thing because its just sex and that hurts my feelings.

I used to be a stripper and that's how he met me so our sex was wild in the beginning but now he says he sees me differently and wants to eventually get married. He doesn't know how to make love to me just, I am a very sexual person and I try hard not to spring it on him or bring it up because it will delay sex another month.

I'm going crazy and I'm so hurt. I I know he loves me and only wants to be with me but I don't know what to do anymore. He says to be patient but its getting ridiculous. Our relationship is perfect other than this. Help me please!

How old are you too?

What is his work life like? How is he physically? Does he abuse alcohol, pot, or other drugs? Is he stressed or tired? How do your work lives line up?

Each of those questions point to a reason that his libido could be low. The next problem is that this could be his libido or at least his libido as it relates to you and him.

In the beginning of a relationship there is a lot of sex. It is the 'honeymoon' phase and you're just exploring a little bit of everything in each other. As things get more familiar sex usually drops off. A few times a week to a few times a month. It is sadly average to have sex that often.

There is a possibility that this is his natural libido. If that is the case than this is what you can look forward to for the rest of your relationship with him. So can you deal with this? Is everything else that perfect?

Frequency and quality of sex is a reason to break up with a person. Still a little taboo for current society, but valid none the less. It is a intimacy dipstick if you would, and if it isn't really there than intimacy isn't really there and that's a problem. Lack of sex does affect the perception and quality of life in the relationship. More than we are led to believe.

The other possibility is that he's fallen out of love with you and isn't quite sure how to end things. I see a lot of patience and some days. There doesn't really seem to be a right now but more of a soon and it will get better. Chances are it won't and he's trying ot find a way to get you to get rid of him.

Regardless of what I have said you need to talk to him to air this out. This can't be accusatory. IE, you're lack of libido is driving me to leave. You need to use I statements. "I am feeling unloved." You can figure out what is going on. Then you can figure out what you should do. This isn't as... bright as animal chick has said.

Could it be a moral or religious issue, as a stripper you were OK for fun sex and a quick lay, but now he is wanting marriage he has a new set of rules.

Moral and childhood religious training can make one behave very strange sometimes.

You need to get him to talk and be honest, if not, it may be time to move down the road for a new boyfriend,

I, too, think it's time to find another boyfriend. If sex is really important in your life, this man is not for you. There are many, many nice men out there who I am sure would love to meet you. Look around, and make some new friends. All it takes is one thing in a marriage that is really, really important to make it a bad relationship. Good luck.

Thank you so much for your answers. I can't break up with him no way I want to marry him one day so I guess I just have to ignore the problem and get a vibrator. I can't talk about with him because he gets angry and says I make him feel guilty and awkward and it prolongs sex another month or 3. So just waiting for him to feel like it is all I've got. When we did talk about it last time he said its just sex and although that hurts my feelings I said I'd stay with him even if we never did it. Then he said if I act like that's true then it might fix the problem.
If I read this I would say to find a new guy too but I really love him.
To answer your questions he's 33 and I'm 26. We both don't take drugs or drink but he is often very tired from work he's a fitness trainer and ownes his own business but he's always done that. We used to have sex 2/3 times a day and nowits 3 times in 5 months. When we do it I think he thinks he's off the hook for another month or 2. He has a very bad temper and gets angry easily so its impossible to talk about it. I've tried dressing up and touching him but he pushes me away. I'm really hurt but I know he's trying to get be a better man in a serious relationship. We both used to play the field so I guess he doesn't know how to make love. I just have to wait. It sux but its all I can do now

That isn't "All I can do now." That is what you're choosing to do. You're choosing to live this life with him. You're accepting the problems that are present, and thought they're causing you grief, you are choosing to stay and live in it.

It isn't the only option, but it is the only option you see as valid and thus are choosing it. It is your life and you're living it the way you want.

Punctuation would have been great on that first sentence, but I think I get the gist of it. Just to make sure that you're with this fellow because you want to be and not because you're afraid to be alone, right? It sounds like you're settling. He has almost all of what you're looking for and the sex thing isn't important.

I had a couple red flags pop up when I was reading this as well, "I can't talk about it(sic) him coz(sic) he gets angry and says I make him feel guilty, awkward, and it prolongs sex anther month or three". There is an old saying. If you can't talk about sex, than you shouldn't be having it. The fact that he gets angry and than manipulates you to drop the subject and punishes you for bringing it up is borderline mental abuse. You're also bowing to his wishes as well, "... I said I'd stay with him even if we never did it." Which is a half truth. If it was true than we wouldn't be having this conversation.

I have been in your shoes in two relationships. It got to a point where I stopped asking and then the relationship just slowly dies. A harsh truth is that Love isn't enough.

You chose this. You're not resigned to this fate, you chose it. Be clear on this. This isn't the unstoppable march of fate that is keeping you here but your choice to stay.

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Originally Posted by sydneysales

Thankyou so much for ur answers. I can't break up with him no way I want to marry him one day so I guess I just have to ignore the problem and get a vibrator. I can't talk about with him coz he gets angry and says I make him feel guilty and awkward and it prolongs sex another month or 3. So just waiting for him to feel like it is all I've got. When we did talk about it last time he said its just sex and although that hurts my feelings I said I'd stay with him even if we never did it. Then he said if I act like that's true then it might fix the problem.
If I read this I would say to find a new guy too but I really love him.
To answer ur questions he's 33 and I'm 26. We both don't take drugs or drink but he is often very tired from work he's a fitness trainer and ownes his own business but he's always done that. We used to have sex 2/3 times a day and nowits 3 times in 5 months. When we do it I think he thinks he's off the hook for another month or 2. He has a very bad temper and gets angry easily so its impossible to talk about it. I've tried dressing up and touching him but he pushes me away. I'm really hurt but I know he's trying to get be a better man in a serious relationship. We both used to play the field so I guess he doesn't know how to make love. I just have to wait. It sux but its all I can do now

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Sydney, take a step back and pay attention to the warning signs. You have flashing red lights, waving red flags and sirens blaring. Stop ignoring them.

Sign #1: Lack of communication.

Sign #2: Anger issues.

Both signs are interconnected and I highly doubt limited to the bedroom and sex. He is making his issues your problem and that needs to stop. He may be stressed and tired, but he is still in a relationship and should be communicating with you to find a compromise instead of pushing his problems off on to you.

Getting angry and using his temper to get his way is a form of emotional abuse. If you stay with him it will get worse. Today it stops you from asking about sexual matters, tomorrow it stops you from discussing any subjects he finds uncomfortable or doing anything that might he may not like. Do you want to spend the rest of your life worrying about upsetting him?

There is hope if he is willing to try couple's counseling or even a marriage class where he can learn better ways of handling his anger, stress and communicating. If he won't, then you have to decide if he loves you as a person or wants to keep you as a live-in maid.

Thank you I know your right its just so hard I hate walking around heartbroken but I don't want to lose him. Ur absolutely right that I'm bowing to his wishes and I choose to. He will always have anger issues and I accept it because no one is perfect. He said I have to stop making it a big deal and because I love him so much I'm going to hang in there as long as my heart will let me. Thank you for your advice or means so much to me

One thing it could be is hypogonadism, which basically means he has low testosterone, which can indeed make his sex drive low. I know this because I actually have this and with me and my girl friend in the first few months we were having sex 5 times a day every day, but then I just wasn't in the mood ever. Ask him about it or have him get tested for it, maybe he already knows and is too embarrassed about it.

Marry him, he is under pressure from his familey to get married, he is trying to save up money for a wedding ring. He is extremely in love with you and feels ashamend when he has sex with you because he loves you so much. If you promise him a long term proposal, then he will feel more comfortable and will have more sex with you, or he might be cheating you but by the way you say he loves you I seriously doubt it.

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Originally Posted by fatty1901

Marry him, he is under pressure from his familey to get married, he is trying to save up money for a wedding ring. He is extremly in love with you and feels ashamend when he has sex with you becuase he loves you so much. If you promise him a long term proposal, then he will feel more comfortable and will have more sex with you, or he might be cheating you but by the way you say he loves you I seriously doubt it.

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Marry someone who uses anger as a means of communicating? If this is how he handles stress and pressure she should not marry him until he realises he needs help and gets it.

sydney, has he ever gotten physical when angry? Even if the anger is directed toward an object? Be honest with yourself.

Allowing his needs to come first is one thing, putting your safety second is another.

Love is not turning yourself into a doormat for him to wipe his feet on. Love is working together to fix issues and build a strong relationship. You are supposed to be partners and equals. At this point in time, I don't think he sees you as an equal. But then you don't see yourself as his equal, so why should he?

If you don't feel ready to leave or insist on getting help for the relationship, will you at least build up your relationship with yourself. Go out with friends. Work on hobbies, volunteering, continuing education, exercise, what ever helps you feel more confident and care about yourself.

Please take care of yourself whatever decision you make.

Yes I absolutely have to do something I can't live a life being scared of upsetting him this is 2013 not 1920 and I should geteveruthing I want. I will talk to him or have the fight that will most likely come right after and say I know sex is not important to you but it is too me and I don't think I can live without out I'm only 26 not 96. I am scared though and I'd be giving up my pride because he would get another girl straight away and when she asks what happened he would say I didn't want to have sex with her. Haha to me :( I love him so much and I know he loves me equally we are just in a rut. He's sick at the moment so ill have to wait till he's better before talking to him. I'll let you know how it goes. Thank you everyone

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Originally Posted by sydneysales

Yes I absolutely have to do something I can't live a life being scared of upsetting him this is 2013 not 1920 and I should geteveruthing I want. I will talk to him or have the fight that will most likely come right after and say I know sex is not important to you but it is too me and I don't think I can live without out I'm only 26 not 96. I am scared tho and I'd be giving up my pride coz he would get another girl straight away and when she asks what happened he would say I didn't want to have sex with her. Haha to me :( I love him so much and I know he loves me equally we are just in a rut. He's sick at the moment so ill have to wait till he's better before talking to him. I'll let u know how it goes. Thankyou everyone

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Why don't you call it "making love" instead of just sex. Great it as an act of love. That instead of doing it because it's fun, tell him it is because you love him and want to show him in the most personal way... love making. Maybe he feels it's a chore because he doesn't feel the way he did at the beginning of your relationship

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Originally Posted by sydneysales

Yes I absolutely have to do something I can't live a life being scared of upsetting him this is 2013 not 1920 and I should geteveruthing I want. I will talk to him or have the fight that will most likely come right after and say I know sex is not important to you but it is too me and I don't think I can live without out I'm only 26 not 96. I am scared tho and I'd be giving up my pride coz he would get another girl straight away and when she asks what happened he would say I didn't want to have sex with her. Haha to me :( I love him so much and I know he loves me equally we are just in a rut. He's sick at the moment so ill have to wait till he's better before talking to him. I'll let u know how it goes. Thankyou everyone

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That's some crazy thinking because you could probably get a better guy who actually is willing to talk and love you. No he doesn't love you equally. You are willing to please him, but is he as willing to please you? Why hasn't he? Keep living in fear of losing him, or him getting mad, or not communicating to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both.

If this love is so equal why do you think he can do better and you can't? That's crazy.

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Originally Posted by sydneysales

Yes I absolutely have to do something I can't live a life being scared of upsetting him this is 2013 not 1920 and I should geteveruthing I want. I will talk to him or have the fight that will most likely come right after and say I know sex is not important to you but it is too me and I don't think I can live without out I'm only 26 not 96. I am scared tho and I'd be giving up my pride coz he would get another girl straight away and when she asks what happened he would say I didn't want to have sex with her. Haha to me :( I love him so much and I know he loves me equally we are just in a rut. He's sick at the moment so ill have to wait till he's better before talking to him. I'll let u know how it goes. Thankyou everyone

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... wow. Pride comes before the fall. He might get a girl straight away, but the chances are that it will only last as long as they get tired of his inattention. The other thought is, who cares? Once you cut him lose he can do whatever he wants.

All the "He will get another girl quickly" and caring what he says about you is just giving him real estate in your head. You'll be out of his but he'll still be in yours. Remember that you have an equal stake and a equal right to be happy.