Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 6 months today and from the start I have known he has Asperger's syndrome. I don't fully understand, he loses his temper really quick and gets mad at me... He has flown off the handle at me because of a facial expression that I wasn't even aware I was pulling and blamed it on Aspergers... Does any of this sound like part of Aspergers? Or do you think he's miserable and just a generally angry bloke?

First, has he been formally diagnosed with Asperger's?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

First, has he been formally diagnosed with Asperger's?

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Yes, he has been diagnosed with Aspergers.

About ten percent of those with Asperger's have an anger management problem, with temper tantrums as children. He should be in an anger management class and learn how to take responsibility for his feelings. Does he have a therapist/counselor or doctor or social worker or some kind of an advocate?

The facial expression thing sounds weird to me because one of the signatures of aspergers is that people with the condition typically miss social cues with facial expressions being a prime example of that.

There are some really great, accomplished people with aspergers but they struggle with social connections, authority, boundaries and picking up on the feelings and needs of others. It can be very challenging for a relationship. If you are serious about dating this individual, I would recommend that you seek some professional advice and insight. Also, though it can relate to aspergers, he cannot be abusive to you verbally or otherwise or frighten you with outbursts and then just make excuses. Aspergers makes self-control more difficult but not impossible and he has to do whatever is needed to manage his impulse issues. If he isn't doing so, you will need to leave the relationship.

I would not tell you as a blanket generalization not to date a man with aspergers. Rather, I would suggest that you not date a man who has a known challenge which impacts his treatment of you unless he is managing that challenge proactively and has it under control. If he can't yet control it, well, he may need more time, help and effort to get there before he enters a relationship.