I've been with my ex on and off for almost 3 years. We have lived together before but I moved out. I haven't lived with him in over a year and a half. He’s selfish and can’t seem to appreciate me at all. Right now we are finished and are not speaking to one another (this nonsense always happens, almost like in high school) but sometimes I miss him. I really miss us but I have this funny feeling that there is another girl in the picture and he won't tell me. I love him and I do want us, but I can't be with someone who doesn't appreciate me and speaks to girls behind my back, and then he will accuse me of being with other guys when I have been working.

I'm stuck and I wondering if maybe I should just cut my losses? What do I do? He can go out and drink and do whatever he wants, but when I'm having casual dinner with my girlfriends, he gets mad and practically goes out of his way to be hateful and ruins my night with my friends! It’s humiliating and his excuse is "I'm sorry, I was just worried about you" I need help, I need some sort if guidance. Is it time go?

So many things have this relationship unhealthy. I tried talking to him and we almost got back together. But now he acts like he doesn't like me, and he even said “if you're here or not, I don't care, cause I'm ok" I do everything for him. I even run out in the middle of the night in case he needs help. He won’t even have a decent chat with me. When we go to dinner, we have to sit at the bar so he can watch football or anything on the TV. (His life right now has been revolving around football, 24/7) we even have to watch when I'm off work and I'm visiting him for the weekend. We watch it when we wake up and when we go to bed. I don’t get a say in anything, not even a movie together... help?

Men!!
Are like SHEEP!!
Where one goes!!
The rest will follow!!

Men are not anywhere like women!
They are not all if not the least!!
Into relationships!

Plus!! Given the fact that they have seen their dad and how he treated his mom and may have thought: "If that is the way of the world!!!!"
"Then!!! So be it!!!!"

Then!! There are the guys he hangs with!!
He!! Nor they!!
Well!! I'm sure you know the old saying(s) for that!!

Into love??
A little!!
Intimacy??
Your kidding!!

Sports are to some men!
A way to avoid those things if not then some!!

You don't need an on/off relationship!!
It does you no good at all!
He is messing with you and your thoughs, feelings, emotions!!

It's time to let it be known!!
You have tried to meet him on "HIS" terms!!
NOW!! MY dear woman!!
For him to meet you on YOUR terms!!
Share and share alike!!
You did!!
NOW!! It's his turn to be there for you!!

If! He does not!!
You know where the city dump is don't you??

To the OP - are you better with or without him?

Sorry to say that it sounds like you have wasted 3 years on a guy who is not only controlling, but a complete disrespectful loser as well. You don't deserve someone like this. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

Leave him. Forget about him. Someone will come along soon enough that will treat you right and make you forget about this worthless sack. Do it for you. Do it for your self-respect. You will see.

I appreciate the answers, but to the guy who was rambling about sheeps, I don't quite understand what your talking about.. sorry

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Originally Posted by lovely love

I appreciate the answers, but to the guy who was rambling about sheeps, i dont quite understand what your talking about..sorry

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Women know what they know and want in life.
Men on the other.
Do not have a clear understaning of what women are looking for, need, wants, desires, so on.
And there are men (granted! Not that many!) who are still living in the past or man cave.
And there arw some as well (again not that many!)
Who subscribe to what their friends think, say about anything and everything.

Thereby! Sheep.

Lovely, sorry the way this has turned. I'm not sure the explanation clarifies anything. I don't see your boyfriend following anyone else's lead. I do see problems in the relationship (as do you) for whatever reason.

Have you ever sat down and made a list - are you better with him or without him? What do you want or need from this relationship? Is it ever possible from what you've experienced so far?

Perhaps a self imposed "exile" of 30 days or 60 days would help you clear your head, make up your mind.

I've been in relationships where I now think I stayed too long. I've been in relationships where I think I left too soon. It's hard to know what to do, particularly when you have invested time and your heart is in the relationship.

What does your gut say?

I actually have sat down and made a list of things that he did to me. One of them was, lack of regard for my feelings. The list was just endless. Once I started writing I couldn't stop. So finally I read what I wrote and I was shocked! I let the half sided relationship go on for long, but my question is, why did I care so much and he didn't care at all?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lovely love

I actually have sat down and made a list of things that he did to me. One of them was, lack of regard for my feelings. The list was just endless. Once i started writing i couldn't stop. so finally i read what i wrote and i was shocked! I let the half sided relationship go on for long, but my question is, why did i care so much and he didn't care at all?

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You can't beat yourself up over this. Many people fall into such a trap and then look back and wonder why they put up with it for so long. It just happens... to men and women both. You get blinded by what you think is love. You get confused. You get worried about being alone. There are many reasons and that's just the way it goes.

After making this list and looking at it, you do see that you would be better off without him, correct? Gain some inner strength and do it. You will be better off in the long run. Nobody deserves such treatment and disrespect. Believe in yourself.

I've been divorced, I've been widowed. I would think I would have some understanding of how the heart works - but I don't. I have found in my life that sometimes I've had to say "this will never work and I'd rather be unhappy now than unhappy later" and walk away.

My marriage was a disaster, I filed for divorce - and I grieved because, believe it or not, I missed him. A very smart woman told me that I was grieving and mourning the death of a dream, a future I thought we would have, the person I thought he was, not the "loss" of him.

Does that make sense?

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

A very smart woman told me that I was grieving and mourning the death of a dream, a future I thought we would have, the person I thought he was, not the "loss" of him.

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That is excellent. And really, if you think about it, that is very true.

Thanks - you know I value your posts and coming from you this means a lot to me.

Stop it... you're making me all teary eyed.

Really, that does fit though. I got divorced years ago and it bothered me and I missed her but then I woke up and realized I was better off without her. But that statement I quoted from you does say it best I think. It turned out that I wasn't really missing her at all but more of what I had wanted us to be.

I think that's why I'm upset, you worded that perfectly "i really wasnt missing her at all, but more of what i wanted us to be" I think that's where the problem is. Im still in love with what used to be. Im not in love with who he is today, I don't even know who he is anymore. And it deeply saddens me

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lovely love

I think thats why im upset, you worded that perfectly "i really wasnt missing her at all, but more of what i wanted us to be" I think thats where the problem is. Im still in love with what used to be. Im not in love with who he is today, i dont even know who he is anymore. And it deeply saddens me

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Do you ink it's time to move on with your life?
If so! Do it!
Don't waste another day on what was vs. What will be.

3 years of off and on, time to leave it off.