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I am 26 me and my boyfriend have been dateing for ! Year and engaged for 6 months so together almost 2 years we had a very active sex life, until about 3 months ago he just stopped trying! He smokes weed a lot and I'm scared this is the reason why? He also just recently started peeing in the bed yes peeing like every day he is only 29 so I don't understand what is going on help!
My boyfriend of almost 2 years is 29 and he pees in the bed! Yes I know what the heck right! Well at first I shruged it off but now its like every night and I even tried seting my alarm for 4am(because he pees in the bed between 4am and 6am) I would wake him up and say go pee but sometimes he don't wake up. I'm tired of washing sheets and blankets every day not to mention it sometimes gets on me and I freck out I don't know what to do its so agravatting!
Has he been to a doctor to rule out a medical problem? He may not be able to do anything about it due to it being something medically wrong.
What he does as far as doctors go is up to him. This is about YOU. I wouldn't put up with it for another night. He knows he's been doing this, so why isn't he doing something about the bed and sheets and blankets? Heck, he could even put on Depends before he goes to sleep. I'd throw him out and tell him to go take care of his own urine soaked bed, and see a doctor, and don't come back until he has it resolved. Love doesn't mean having to take care of someone who can take care of himself.
I wish you would have included all the info that you did in your other thread. It would have helped out.
Sounds like you have choices to make for yourself. Do you want to be in a relationship with no sex and someone who smokes weed and wets the bed?
Have you talked to him about these issues that should be first step. Tell him how you are feeling and what you want from the relationship.
I agree with Joy and am sorry I did not think ahead of my post to realize the choice is yours what you do for your life and the choice is his what he does for his life.
I have talked to him and talked to him about the peeing and the smoking too much before my mother passed away I told her about it and she said she dated a guy when she was a teenager that got stoned and than peed the bed she told me he would grow out of it! I put puppy pads on the bed to give him a hint and it didn't work I've slept on the couch I know this is going to sound bad but one time it got on me and I woke up without thinking I punched him in the face :( I know he gets embarrassed about it I can see it in his face when I wake him up I do love this man he truly saved my life I don't want to be the mean girlfriend!
OK, if you're with a guy who's such a stoner that he's wetting the bed, what is going on with your own self-esteem that you think the solution is to buy puppy pads, wash endless rounds of laundry and sleep on the couch?
Get rid of him - this is ridiculous. And go to counseling. You need to work on your self-esteem and maybe work through the loss of your mother.
Myself esteem is fine I am a college graduate an in the health care field this has nothing to do with the passing of my mother I love this man I have known him my whole life and reasons not being said he has truly saved me from a abusive relationship he is very caring an takes care of me its just this one thing that I can not over come lol
***Threads Merged** Post # 1 to existing thread.
You say he is very caring but to be honest, he doesn't sound like it. If he was, he could see a doctor to find out what is going on. He could wear depends. He could clean his piss soaked sheets and bed. He could stop smoking weed like he does. But no, he doesn't do any of this. Why? Because he doesn't care.
Well, it's not one thing - it's three things. He doesn't have sex with you, he is addicted to drugs and he wets the bed. Well, there is a four and five, too - four is that he lets his bed wetting be your problem - you get the puppy pads, you do the laundry, you sleep on the couch. Five is that you're looking for a solution to all of these things and he's not.
He may have rescued you from an abusive relationship but do not be mistaken - you are in another, perhaps lesser so but still quite abusive relationship.
I am also concerned about this idea that he got you out of an abusive relationship. You don't need a man to get you out of a bad relationship - you can simply leave it.
You can still maintain your care and concern for this man without living with and being engaged to him. If you really think he's "the man", I think the best thing to do for your future would be to move out of his place and tell him that you are calling off the engagement but hope to get engaged to him again in the future. And set some conditions - you do not want to be with a man who uses drugs. You do not want to be with a man who does not want to have sex with you or who says he does but doesn't follow through. You do not want to be with an adult man who wets the bed, and you will not be with a man who has this type of problems and does not put a high premium on seeking help and actively resolving them.
Otherwise, get used to being with a man who doesn't have sex with you, wets the bed and smokes pot. He's made clear he doesn't want to change and you're making clear you don't really hold him accountable to change, so where do you think this is going to go?
I don't say this to be harsh - I just think the guy is treating you terribly and showing zero self-respect. I mention self-esteem because for some reason, you seem to think that this person who's treating you badly is "Mr. Wonderful". A lot of women have self-esteem in one area such as career and school, but somehow sell themselves short in another like relationships. The fact that this is your second abusive relationship is concerning.
^^^ Nice. Well said.
Get him off the weed or end the relationship, and if neither of these is possible, just get the Depends (as has been mentioned) and learn to live with it. And be prepared to endure all the other ramifications of having someone around who has to get stoned frequently. I don't know how it compares to alcohol but usually someone has to be really hammered to wet the bed in the case of overindulging in alcohol. I suspect that it is similar with pot smoking. If he actually did save your life, maybe enduring all of the problems is not too much for you to accept. It's your decision.
Thank you this helped a lot my first abusive relationship I tried to leave and it got me a broken arm black eye and the swat team called in because he held me hostage I tried to get away from that life and when he went to jail I ran I ran far far away back home I am taking all this in and I don't need a man momma raised us girls independent I pay my own way and I have already told him that I was planing on moving out on my ownQuote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
'i pay my own way and I have already told him that I was planing on moving out on my own'
You can still care about him - from a distance. Your integrity is at stake. So is his.
I suspect that it will do him a world of good, because few adults will lie in their own urine. And that will lead to other changes.
It sounds like you are probably a compassionate person who wants to help people in crisis. I would suggest you consider using that attribute in a career - maybe become a nurse or a drug and alcohol counselor or a social service worker so you can keep helping people because it's a great attribute. But you have to take that personality trait out of the mix when you're choosing boyfriends.
If they guy needs fixing or you see things he needs to change, he's not ready to date and not good enough for you.
I am a home health nurse I do therapy for patients that just get out of the hospital.Quote:
Originally Posted by dontknownuthin
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