Ask Me Help Desk - Help please? So confused?

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. I am 19 he is 24. We've been through a lot but I do love him and care for him. Only problem is that he is confusing and sends mixed messages so therefore I feel that there is no security in the relationship. He gets so mad over really simple arguments and is just very extreme with his emotions when he is angry. He breaks up with me at least once a week and then later that day or the next day proclaims his love for me and says he wants to marry me and be with me forever.

Here's some history on the relationship: before dating we had both just recently gotten out of long term relationships. He had been with a girl for 3 years, mine was for 2. However they were not good or healthy relationships. Also, in the beginning of the relationship I did make a few mistakes. No I never cheated on him in any way, but I did lie about stupid simple things like going to a party. My intentions were completely innocent, but this was in the beginning stages and we were in a long distance relationship at the time. He lived 3 hours away and we only saw each other on the weekend. He has completely changed... He's showing a new side. In the beginning everything was sweet and perfect but now he's angry and insecure. He doesn't trust me... I know that it's wrong to lie about ANYTHING at all but I feel he is acting like I lied about serious things such as cheating.
Another thing, for the first six months of the relationship his ex girlfriend harassed us both non stop. Every time I was with him he would get a call from her or text. But I trusted that he didn't want to be with her and stuck by him. I feel I should be more appreciated for the things I've stuck by him through. Instead he acts like I'm always the bad one and he's always right.
He's not all bad, he did move to my town for me and he does make me happy, just as long as there are no stupid arguments. I'm just worried I'm wasting my time because he breaks up with me and sends mixed messages. I know I'm young but I am mature, almost done with nursing school and I am really l

First off a long term relationship might be defined as a little longer than your two or his three years.

Second - why would either of you want so much drama in a dating relationship? I said no to drama 40 days and 40 nights ago.

He sounds immature and insecure from the way you have described your relationship. I mean seriously, who breaks up with someone weekly? He also sounds like a control freak too because he plays the breakup card.

I personally would move on. Next time he tries to discuss something, blows up, and breaks up, I would not return his calls or texts for a very long time. Life is too short for that much drama. You're 19 - live a little and find someone who treats you the way you should be treated.

Its been a year and the nice behavior has been replaced by personality issues that you both have always had. The honeymoon is over and you really have to take an honest evaluation on the pattern of this breakup to make up relationship and decide how to move forward, or how to end it.

If you cannot resolve your arguments through honest communications that work for you both, then next time he storms out in anger, don't take him back so fast. If you have to argue with no rules or boundaries of good behavior then you really don't have a healthy relationship, love or NOT.

It's a hard decision, and an even harder one to carry out, but you both have done it before when you were so in love with others. Comes down to how much of this temper crap will you take? How many times will he mistrust without forgiving you? He is insecure and has little control over himself, and when you tire of it, you WILL make a decision as to what you do about it.

Don't be confused just be honest and do what's healthy for you whether he changes or NOT. What's love got to do with it? You know you will survive if this doesn't work, because you have done it before.

No honest communications, no relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

First off a long term relationship might be defined as a little longer than your two or his three years.

Second - why would either of you want so much drama in a dating relationship? I said no to drama 40 days and 40 nights ago.

He sounds immature and insecure from the way you have described your relationship. I mean seriously, who breaks up with someone weekly? He also sounds like a control freak too because he plays the breakup card.

I personally would move on. Next time he tries to discuss something, blows up, and breaks up, I would not return his calls or texts for a very long time. Life is too short for that much drama. You're 19 - live a little and find someone who treats you the way you should be treated.

You're right and I really DON'T want the drama. I guess it's just hard to let go. We've both already made attachments like him moving here for me, and me moving back to my moms house for him. It's a long complicated thing for us to have only been together a year. I think we both just feel attached.

I guess what I really want to know is do people ever change for the better? Do people ever get better? What does it take to fix a relationship that's as messed up as ours? Anyone with experience on these matters?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vannahrosee

I guess what I really want to know is do people ever change for the better? Do people ever get better? What does it take to fix a relationship that's as messed up as ours? Anyone with experience on these matters??

People have patterns of behaviors. You have seen his behaviors. You have seen the pattern. Are you willing to settle for this pattern? Sorry to be a negative Nancy on this one, but I wouldn't settle for drama.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Oliver2011

People have patterns of behaviors. You have seen his behaviors. You have seen the pattern. Are you willing to settle for this pattern? Sorry to be a negative Nancy on this one, but I wouldn't settle for drama.

No I don't want or like this pattern, but is there anything I could do as his girlfriend who he's supposed to care about to make him realize he's wrong and it needs to stop?

Trust is everything. Communicate with him, tell him what you have said here.

Or

Sit in your current state and go round and round...

If the above does not work out then be realistic and make a clean cut, go no contact and wish him well.