Me and her dated almost 3 years , we had our issues like every couple, but this last year, I lost my dog that has always been there with me , and my mother got cancer, and after that I lost my job, I was becoming a little anxious , even with her and with everyone else, she still stuck with me trying to help , but during this phase I wasn’t the best boyfriend to her, lack of attention, not saying I love you too often like before, during all of this time she never asked me to live with her, because I hadn’t a safe job and couldn’t provide properly as she had/ has a good job but now she’s facing a change and might get fired.

Then on 23th December, one night I was sleeping and she went to my cell phone and saw a lot of text messages from my internet female friends, that she always knew because I’ve told her once , showed them on Facebook, she got so anger , that she woke me up, called me son of a whore and kicked me from her apartment, I did try to convince her to stop, that was a nonsense, she said " delete my contacts , forget me , you will never see me again " then she went to her room , I waited 2 hours, went there to say goodbye and she hugged me crying and I was crying too. After a week I went to see her, and she was cold as a " " and said to me live is going to move on, I will get someone that I really love bla bla, then she said " you can call me once per month if you need, but I won’t contact you “, then I said I accept her decision but I would fight for the one I love.

We have a female friend in common, and they changed messages on Facebook, and my friend showed me, she said “she still loves me, but we aren’t compatible etc. That I will get a woman that loves me and she will too... I confess that hurt me a lot.

It’s been almost 3 weeks and I didn’t contact her yet, I’m feeling anxious and a bit depressed, and don’t know if I should tell her something or not...

Do you guys think that it’s really over, or do I still have a chance? My friends say to not contact her, because if she really loves me she will make the first step...

Thank you for your patience

Sounds like it is over.

But regardless of that, you have some work you need to do on you first before you can be something to anyone. You have a lot of life issues going on, lost your dog (truly tragic I know), mom with cancer, lost your job, etc. What have you done to deal with those things first? A few years ago I was dealing with all those things and wasn't ready to get into a relationship. Maybe you should take some time away from relationships to make you a better person.

Dogs just don't live long enough. I cried and cried when I lost my two.

Im seeing a Psychologist for the moment, I know I have to think for myself and so on, that's what I'm trying to do.

My ex also said " you need to fix yourself " Maybe if I get a job and fix myself we can try again a new relation, her female friends told me that I will have to fight for her really hard if I want her back, that gives me hope, even my ex, when I asked her ( shouldn't have done that ) if we will never get back together, she said " the future belongs to God , nothing is impossible "

I know she really loves me , but she's facing her own problems too, but I need to try to get her back , she's the one I love

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Originally Posted by Vorea1979

Im seeing a Psychologist for the moment, i know i have to think for myself and so on, thats what im trying to do.

My ex also said " you need to fix yourself " Maybe if i get a job and fix myself we can try again a new relation, her female friends told me that i will have to fight for her really hard if i want her back, that gives me hope, even my ex, when i asked her ( shouldnt have done that ) if we will never get back together, she said " the future belongs to God , nothing is impossible "

I know she really loves me , but shes facing her own problems too, but i need to try to get her back , shes the one i love

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Exactly. And I agree with her - you do need to fix yourself first. If you don't, then you won't be any good to anyone. Take a deep breath and look at the whole picture. Then start doing things to move your life forward. Find a job, do some fun things that you have been wanting to do, go out with friends, etc. You will get there I am sure.

Thank you for your advice !

Cheers

Hello again,

After 3 weeks of our break up, I've sent her a letter , a touchy one , but not talking about what happened or nothing like I miss you , love and so on, a simply letter where I've accepted her decision, that I'm moving on my life, but still with her in my thougths , like an open door. One week later , she called me this Saturday, seemed like the first time we ever spoken, she was extremely excited , she kept talking and talking , she told me a lot what she had been doing , I saw clearly that she missed me , she even said she had already missing my voice etc. We laughed a lot by phone , and I knew that I had to keep a short conversation , but our joyness was so great that we kept talking about one hour... we didn't arranged any date or any next phone call, after that she sent me photos by email of her changes in her apartment...

My question is, what should I do next ? Did I did something wrong ? Is it possible to recover her back ?

Thank You

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Vorea1979

Hello again,

After 3 weeks of our break up, ive sent her a letter , a touchy one , but not talking about what happened or nothing like i miss you , love and so on, a simply letter where ive accepted her decision, that im moving on my life, but still with her in my thougths , like an open door. One week later , she called me this saturday, seemed like the first time we ever spoken, she was extremely excited , she kept talking and talking , she told me alot what she had been doing , i saw clearly that she missed me , she even said she had already missing my voice etc. We laughed alot by phone , and i knew that i had to keep a short conversation , but our joyness was so great that we kept talking about one hour... we didnt arranged any date or any next phone call, after that she sent me photos by email of her changes in her apartment....

My question is, what should i do next ? did i did something wrong ? is it possible to recover her back ?

Thank You

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Oy vey!

There are probably three or more things that can happen:

1) You guys repair things and live happily ever after. Doubtful, but I guess it could happen.

2) She continues to dangle you along anytime she needs you and you continue waiting for the dangle while not moving your life forward.

3) You move your life forward. Doubtful since you sent the letter and accepted the call.

The problem as I see it is that if she comes back to you, once she is there she is going to focus on what made her leave you in the first place. Even though advice was offered on here you are not to the point where you are willing to move your life forward. That is going to continue causing you pain.

What are you going to do next if she doesn't commit to starting the relationship again? What are you going to do if she decides to start the relationship again, remembers why she left you, and leaves you again. Because you have encouraged her, you have to be prepared for what happens next.

I know what have caused the break up... and I'm trying to change something's on myself, before getting back to her or even with other person so I be a better man, that's what I want. But of course I do love her, and I know her , and that voice on last call said that she is missing me, but she's facing the problem of text messages that she saw on my phone making a lack of trust, that imo can be fixed, bue only if both of us want the same...

The problem here is, should I call her and ask for a afternoon coffee, should I keep sending letters ,( she's a very sensitive person ) or should I act in a manner of friendship until atraction for each other do the rest ?

Thank you for answer mate

Regardless of what you do, ask her for coffee, ask her to continue the relationship, or whatever you have to be ready if she says no or doesn't want to continue the relationship. If that happens then what will your reaction be? It doesn't sound like you are prepared for that possibility.

You said you needed to change something about you which sounds like once you do that, you will be a better person. And by better person I mean a better relationship person for whatever relationship you are in.

I am concerned that if she rejects you then you will spiral downward again and you aren't prepared for that. In the end it is your decision to make.

Lets see what time can bring us, I'm not a person that gives up, but of course for a relation to work needs two persons...

I will try something about friendship and let attraction do the rest... if nothing happens life goes on...

Thank for all mate

Hello again, I've decided to call her this time and date a coffee, she accepted, but same as the last call she kept talking happily like nothing happened between us, we spent more then 1 hour at phone ( bad mistake I know ) but as the conversation was going she kept talking about how she was sure about the end of relation , even thou I didn't pull that theme and kept saying or indicating that we will remain friends , like she was trying to convence herself of that... we are going to have that coffee this week , but I want to ask you again, what is going on ? How can she be my friend 1 month after breaking up after 3 years of love , it's a bit strange for me... whats your opinion ?

Thank you

Any help please ?

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Originally Posted by Vorea1979

any help plz ?

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Help? Really?

What have you done to fix the things in you that have contributed to this? Nothing is my guess. You aren’t going to move that relationship forward or any relationship forward unless you work on you first. The path you choose to go is certainly your choice. But hanging on for little tidbits of communication is not going to do you any good in the long run. In remaining friends you will keep wishing and wishing for a relationship and hopefully she will move her life forward. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy.

Im working on myself of course, I'm doing sports almost everyday , I've been on my pshycologist , found job , but only going to start on march and I love the woman that break up with me, if I fall I will do it with the conscienceness clean, if I get back to her I will try to not commit the same mistakes, because I want a better me , and a better boyfriend, ate least I'm seeing this this way. If she doesn't want life goes on... I just sought opinion about what she said on last call... nothing more

Thank you

You're in the friend zone, no more, no less. She keeps a safe emotional distance with boundaries, and you keep trying to get her back. A disaster waiting to happen because you cannot JUST be friends, and carry false hope of more with every FRIENDLY sign YOU perceive from her.

It could well take years to get your personal issues together and be ready to move ahead with your life, but be honest with yourself because you still want her back and will until you accept JUST friends, because she is weaning herself from you and has already progressed to JUST friends, and will be open to other options beside JUST being your friend.

But of course you refuse to acknowledge that's what she told you. Just as you refused to realize it was a combination of many things that broke you up before. The promise to be better is a LONG way off from being better. You are in the process and have a ways to go, so all you will get is friendship and as you are rebuilding without her, she is doing the same.

Ok , I might accept that , after that coffee I'm going to see how she reacts , and on a second coffee or other thing I will say to her that I can't be friends , so that friend zone ends up now.

Still find weird how can anyone lose LOVE for other after 3 weeks... strange thing

Not really, feelings can change long before you find out that they have. Often its too late to do anything about it. I strongly advise you get a better plan than a few coffees to see if she changes her mind. A much better tactic I feel is canceling the coffee talk and leaving it alone. "something came up, sorry" is sufficient.

Your plan merely confirms what she already knows, you are a selfish immature boyfriend who's past behavior will never change.

Walk away without burning your bridges and focus on being a better YOU. That I think is a more mature way of handling your friend zone problem. You might not be friends now, but who knows down the road after you have handled your business correctly.

Sounds like the feelings are still there and that with all the life changes and stress that you just need a break from each other. I'm not an expert but start putting your life back together and eliminate some of the holes in it and she will hear from your mutual friend how you're doing. I know I'd ask if I was her and still interested in you. Once things are more stable try going out with mutual friends as a group which includes her and start spending time together again. Good Luck to you.

Feelings are still there , I noticed when we spoke on the phone , since one of the issues was my lack of job( got a new one starting from march ) the other issue was that I was facing my mothers cancer a depression that lead to texting other friends girls that I knew from long time from internet ( she knew 90 % of them ), Im now medicated and doing pshychotherapy, after this pause , we can see what will happen , anyway I can tell you guys that the first time we break up she did something equal, starting with friends conversation... and it took me 2 moths to kiss her again