My girlfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago. We had 11 months together. I love this girl so much, and I found happiness with this girl. I know that she loved me with her whole heart, and she was extremely happy with me. Her parents and her entire family love me. Everything started during the month of December, we were arguing a lot. Fighting for dumb stuff, at some point she felt ignored by me. We talk every single day, and I want her back, but she doesn't want to. She told me that she loves, appreciates and adores me, but she feels confused and she isn't in love with me anymore. She doesn't want to lose me at all. She wants my frienship for now while she finds herself and learns to fix her problems by herself. She says that I changed her life so much, and she loves it because she is more mature. She has so many problems, she feels like she can't accomplish anything for her life. I gave her all the support and the confidence she needed to feel better, and thanks me for that every single day. I don't know what to do to gain her back, I miss her so much and I can't be without her. She wants to do herself, and she doesn't want a relationship right now. She told me not to wait for her. I feel like crap because she was my world, and we had so many plans for our future. She always said that she never felt so happy when we were together.

She isn't being fair! She's pushing you away while trying to keep you too. You have no choice of course - when someone leaves, you let them leave, or you just drive them further away. Tell her that much as it hurts, you can't 'just be friends' while she works out her personal problems, and to please stop reeling you back in like a lovesick puppydog. If she won't stop, you are the one who has to break all contact for your own sake. If you don't, you will lose all sense of integrity, never mind just perpetuate the pain.
She might want you back, she might not. And you will have to be very hesitant if she does, or it will get easier and easier for her to leave you and come back over and over, just because you make it so easy.

Oh, and I don't know how old you are, but one little stereotype about men and women is that women feel ignored easily all through the months and years, while men settle in to a nice comfortable relationship thinking everything is OK and needs no assurances of love and attraction and warmth and appreciation. Then the man is all puzzled by her feeling 'ignored' and taken for granted. The other side of the coin is that women can be overly needy about affection and appreciation and expressions of love. Only you and she know where you each fit into this classic scenario.

"and I found happiness with this girl." This is just my issue, but I don't appreciate that statement at all. People should find happiness with themselves and share it with other people. People, including girlfriends and boyfriends, come and go. But your happiness shouldn't.

"I can't be without her." - You can and you probably will have to be because you don't have control over her actions, thoughts, and emotions. The sooner you come to terms with that, the sooner you will be able to move your life forward.

People break up, even the best of relationships. I know in my current situation if my partner left I would be very upset. But I have developed the skills that would allow me to move forward. I control my happiness and I don't allow people to control it. You should really work to get to that point. It does work - I promise.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for your response. Well, I'll try to break all relations with her is very hard for I love her so much. If I don't have any other options; I think I have to be strong and break any communication with her. This is so painful. Now, because of this situation, I may leave the country because this too much for me; I just won't be able to handle this. I have never done any bad to anyone, and I was so good with her. Right now I don't have anyone in my life, I am all by myself. I'm 26 years old, and I know this sounds like a "puppy love" but I learned how to love because of her. I don't know what to say to her now, or should I just not speak to her at all? I would love to be back with her, but I just don't know what to do now. I'm very desperate.

Just disappear and leave her alone and be busy and unavailable to spend time or even talk to her. Then you will have time to build a life that a 26 year old guy can be happy with and learn to make himself happy.

Break ups suck, so accept them and find your own thing to do without her, with friends and family and activities. I mean why mope over what you lost when in time you will find better things to do.

Being dumped is like a junkie that gets his dope taken away, and withdrawal pains are painful, but we can kick the old habits, and make better ones.

It sucks yes! The solution now is to act indifferent, think indifferently, believe yourself as being nochlent. It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, it does not matter!

Stop communication with her as every time it will hurt. Sooner or later she will be with someone new. Imagine that in your head now, embrace it. Accept its happened and start preparing for yourself for a hard slog.

Change is hard in life, specially wirthdrawing from the 'love drug'. Those happy feelings, those long discussions, that empty space where they were. All that time alone! Well, you now have to fill this space with the new single you.

I have attempted to fill the space by doing the following:

1) Filling my diary with social engagements
2) Making every effort to say yes to getting out the house
3) Contacting old friends and arranging to meet and reconnect
4) Improving my social circle and networking. This in turns meeting new women and having lots more opportunities for enjoying life
5) Filling your time with hobbies and gym! Get yourself a nice body so you feel good and the opposite sex can see that
6) Read about relationships, read about co depedency, read the get back together stories and then realise its not such a good idea after all.
7) Listen to some good music, watch some good movies and TV and realise you are comfortable with your own company
8) Date other women, meet more women, maybe even try speed dating. Have fun! It does not nessarily mean you have to jump into things. This will get your confidence back up until you are ready to start a new relationship.
9) Book some fun things to do in the future. I have recently booked a short break away to amsterdam (iam from england) so flying over just after my birthday. Things like this give you dates and events to look forward to in the future, instead of a dull drugery of months with nothing to look towards.
10) Get some goals in your life. e.g. Studying to improve your career, saving for a new place to live, learning an instrument, travelling etc..

Things will suck but embrace no contact. If you need to let her know this do and be honest - at the end of the day you should know her a fair amount: "I am sorry but I cannot be friends right now. I think it would be best to have some space and time away from each other. If we can be friends when we have both moved on after a significant amount of time, then we will be in touch then but untill then, stay safe :)."

That's been said so now, block all contact, remove social networking, remove pictures, hide your 'couple' things away in a box and embrace this change.

Give her enough time to calm dowm. And you can grasp the right opportunity to get her back. Good luck.

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Her parents and her entire family love me.

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Leave them alone TOO! Absolute NO CONTACT. Give yourself time to heal from the emotional roller coaster you are on.

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Originally Posted by Chetes

Thank you so much for your response. Well, i'll try to break all relations with her is very hard for I love her so much. If I don't have any other options; I think I have to be strong and break any communication with her. This is so painful. Now, because of this situation, I may leave the country because this too much for me; I just won't be able to handle this. I have never done any bad to anyone, and I was so good with her. Right now I don't have anyone in my life, I am all by myself. I'm 26 years old, and I know this sounds like a "puppy love" but I learned how to love because of her. I don't know what to say to her now, or should I just not speak to her at all? I would love to be back with her, but I just don't know what to do now. I'm very desperate.

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"Right now I don't have anyone in my life, I am all by myself." Being alone is not a death sentence. It isn't even one night in jail. It is okay to be alone.

Be honest with yourself. Getting dumped hurts like hell. But be honest also in the fact that many people have been dumped and all have survived. Appreciate the things you got during the 11 months. You learned how to love. That can only make your next relationship stronger.

I totally agree that you shouldn't continue speaking to her. That will only prolong your healing. But is leaving the country the right solution? You don't want to add more badness to this situation.

Keep your mind active and you won't concentrate on this situation nonstop. Go for a run, ride a bike, do something that will use up some energy. I think exercise is the cure to all mental struggles. That may be why I exercise all the time. Sitting around thinking about this will only lead to you feeling bad. So don't do it. You are a young man so live your life as a young man. Each day will feel better.