Hi there all!

My first comment on this site so bear with me lol right I will explain the whole story could be a long one so here it goes a lot has happened! Right 2 months ago broke up with my girlfriend of almost a year, was the hardest thing I have ever had to do! At the time it seemed the best thing to do, as if there was no other option.. She was suggesting going on a break and stuff, I was like ooook then.

I then asked her so what does that mean are there not going to be any rules, like for instance does that allow you to go off with other guys and stuff. She was like yer I guess so. My instant reaction was like I really don't want that knwing that I am sort of with sum1 but she can go off and do that I know I couldn't do that to her even when I am single in a way but I still majorly love her!

Ok well I ended it that night, I really didn't want to I was so upset at the time and hurt that she didn't know what she wanted.. she's at university with exams at the time maybe it was becos of that and the stresses with the distance. Apparently she found the distance thing reli reli hard because all she wanted was to spend every evening with me and she knew she couldn't.. Same for me though it was tough because all I could ver think about was when I was next going to see her. This is what made this whole break thing extremely hard to cope with.

The next day, I knew I regretted what I had done, rang her the next day to say I still love her no matter what it just seemed like she wasn't giving me any option but to end it like that which she knew I didn't want to do. She declined my offer and said it was too late, but I was like it's the next morning what you playing at!

I think at this point I should have left it, but my emotions and feeling for her took over because I didn't want to lose her, I had made a mistake.. on the night she was trying to call me but I reli didn't want to speak to after I had obv broke up with her I was reli upset!
Apparently her ringing up was my last chance.. how was I supposed toknw that I am not mystic meg am I? By now I should have realised if she reli loved me she would have taken me back there and then but she didn't, I was too upset at the time to realise this.

Those few days after I was so upset you wudnt believe, sat at work it was on my mind all the time! 3 days after the break up she went to a Union party, I kind of knew in the back of my mind this would be doomed from the start, I had a vibe!

No doubt I was right, found out the morning after she had slept with a guy, but she obv didn't admit this at the time she said she hd pulled sum1.. later that day she confessed to me but she didn't want to say who it was becos I didn't know who he was, I knew she was lying I knew her all too well to fall for that I wasn't born yesterday!

In my mind I had an idea who it was, a guy that I hated becos he was pestering her when we were going out ringing her and stuff.. was a bit suspicious that it was only 3 days after the break.. She wouldn't tell me for ages like a few weeks.

Then one time a few weeks later after thing kind of died down, she was texting and calling me saying how sorry she was and how it was a drunken mistake and how she wanted to see me again becos she was missing me loads.. Honestly I was missing her loads too regardless of what she had done I still loved her, its weird I can't explain it!
I foolishly decided to go to her uni one evening to go and see her what a mug. We decided to go out for a meal and a drink just chilled to chat. She was in the shower and her fone went off, I said this to her and she was like can you see it and check its not rom her friend amy or anything, it wasn't it was from a guy called toni the guy I hated and it said something along the lines of 'hey babe where are you tonight you want to come over mine?'

I was fuming I said to her and I was like so was he the guy you slept with and she was like yeah it was I am reli sorry it was a mistake he used me for only one thing. I love you! I left that nyt so upset yet again that was the bottom line of it.

This is where I went wrong though, I sumhow wanted to forgive her for that hope of getting back with her. She started texting me again saying how sorry she was and how much she loved me this is what messed with my head, I should have blocked her there and then! Eventually we sumhow started talking again just before valentines day she was on about sending me a card which I thought was a bit weird after what she did to me..

Reading back on all thi I can see where I went wong, but when your hearts set on something everything else seems irrelivant even what stuff your close friends say, when maybe you shd have listended to them, like that valentines day I shudnt have taken a card up to her and have seen her, becos that night she hurt me again by going off with yet another guy but she didn't sleep with him, apparently this didn't mean anything either, said to her you have messed me around after everything I had done for her and she can still do all this to me!

I didntnt contact her for a little while but she kept pestering me still saying how she was sorry yet again and how much she misses me arghh heard all this before..

Since then she has been begging to see me, instead I have been going out with my mates a fair bit clubbing, she has a thing about me hanging around with girls. Like for instance last nyt, maybe I shudnt have lied to her I don't know but I just said I was going with a mate down the pub.. when actually I was going clubbing with a big group and a girl, a girl that she is jealous of but there isn't any need she has a boyfriend lol

That night she rang me 3 times checking up on me but I ignored 2, and one I accidentally answered as it knocked in my pocket.. she obv heard the music and she knew I was clubbing.. she is so angry with me becos I lied to her but I knew she would be angry with me because I was out with a girl hense why I didn't tell her, I didn't want to hurt her like she obv has me! Big mistake I wish I had been straight and told her now, she now hates me becos I lied to her, but I look back on what's happened and she's so hypocritical becos she lied to me about the guy she slept with when I knew who it was..

She just can't control me after everything she has done though and how she hurt me I lost a lot of respect for her maybe if she hadn't I would have been a bit more understanding but she's hurt me proper and I don't think she deserves the right to be angry anymore with me becos I haven't even considered doing anything with anyone since we broke up..

I think from this I have learnt so much now she's the one mad at me and doesn't want to speak to me, yer I lied to her but it was only in her best interest in a way I wouldn't ever want to hurt her like she hurt me..

My advice don't be taken for a ride, its tough to move on but I think it has to be done that's what I have learnt. This being my first real proper relationship its tough but the experience has made me realise don't rely on someone else to make you happy.
I would have done anything for her, and I think she knew that and she exploited my good will in a way again and again. Most of the time it made me feel good doing stuff for her it was a good feeling but I didn't need to do that.

Anyway leave your comments people, would be good to have feedback because I haven't reli spoken to anyone this much in depth about it maybe I should of!

Why did u break up in the first place?

There seems to be a lot of baggage in this relationship!
She slept with someone whilst on a break! There were lies from both parties!

All I can suggest is you sit down like adults and talk talk talk.
COMMUNICATION is the KEY!

I think cooldude is just sharing his story and the moral...

There were too many games played by both of you... hurting each other back and forth. You kept taking her back even though she wasn't being honest or committed to you. That was the first mistake. It took a while but in your own words, you've learned "its tough to move on but i think it has to be done thats what i have learnt." There is too much hurt, lies, and deceit here. So, let it go and move on. Good luck.

Too many games, so much deceit and confusion between the two parties. Its time you both allows yourselves time to heal and become yourselves without the obsession and hurt guiding the direction of your lives.

The fact that she slept with someone else and then realized perhaps the grass is not greener? She is clearly confused and needs time mate. To say you won't meet again in the future is a lie. Who knows what the future holds, but change is the only constant and you must accept this for your own benefit and healing. After a few months you will both be able to see clearly.

Your ex is not mature enough or able to think clearly and is obviously having problems with her self as a person. So space will allow her to get her head around things.

1) Abide by no contact
2) Get a new direction in your life and improve yourself
3) Good luck alan mate :p

You can do this :) and were all here for u. See you tnght buddy.

I like your approach to this problem and think your on the right path by not letting her have total control. The only thing I would add is no phone or texting and be unavailable to her contacting you. It is time to move on to a healthier life without the drama and games.