Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend is ignoring me, why?

My boyfriend and I got into a fight. I told him, and a few other friends, that an old friend of mine wanted me to go to NYC with him. My boyfriend totally flipped out and said, "If you go you lose me, I don't do long distant relationships." we got into a huge fight afterwards and after a few names, and a lot of tears, we both apologized to each other and got over it.

A few hours later, I sent him a message on Facebook asking him to call me. This was around noon. It said he saw it, but he didn't respond, nor did he call me. He hasn't responded to any of my texts or anything. I even asked his brother about him. But he said he didn't know.

Is he ignoring me because of our fight before? IF I would have gone to NY, it's not like I would have stayed. It would have been a couple of weeks, maybe even a few days. I wouldn't have stayed for long.

:'( I was depressed all day yesterday, and my brother called him... but nothing... my cousin and a really good friend of mine both threatened the crap out of him. Is he pissed because he thinks I'm telling them stuff?? What the hell is going on??

Can you clarify this? This old friend - girl or guy? How long were you going to go? How old are you?

If you were going to NY for the day or a week with a female friend on a vacation, your boyfriend's reaction is excessive and controlling.

If you were unclear and making it sound like you might go for months, or move there, then the way you presented it to your boyfriend was clumsy and rude, with no regard for his feelings.

If the friend is a guy, and particularly if it's a guy you've had an interest in, your boyfriend is right to break up with you for even considering it.

What were your boyfriend's objections or concerns? Were you going to blow off school or work to go? Were you planning to do something there that he didn't approve of or think was safe or positive for you? Were you cancelling something with him so that you could go? Did he find out about these plans directly from you, or from someone else?

I would be pissed if you bugged me when I was mad, and getting your goons on me. Even though he may have over reacted and jumped to conclusions. Call off your friends and leave him alone to cool off.

Lack of communications is at the heart of this, and only honest communications will rectify it. But first there has to be a cooling off period. Let him be mad by himself for a while, and see what happens.

Quote:

that an old friend of mine wanted me to go to NYC with him.

NO WAY, I would dump you on the spot. Wouldn't you dump him if his long time friend wanted to go to the big city with HER?

Other people getting involved is not going to help the situation at all so I would tell everyone to stay out of it. He probably needs some time to calm down and you have to respect that. Having said that he needs to respect what you want also otherwise the relationship just won't work. Is there a reason he is so against you going away or is he being selfish? The key to any relationship is respecting each others opinions views and choices. I think you need to talk to him when he has calmed down and don't let anyone else get involved.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be pissed if you bugged me when I was mad, and getting your goons on me. Even though he may have over reacted and jumped to conclusions. Call off your friends and leave him alone to cool off.

Lack of communications is at the heart of this, and only honest communications will rectify it. But first there has to be a cooling off period. Let him be mad by himself for a while, and see what happens.

NO WAY, I would dump you on the spot. Wouldn't you dump him if his long time friend wanted to go to the big city with HER?

I didn't catch the "him". Yeah, I think he's right to break up with you. For one thing, you apparently presented it like you were considering it. For another, men don't ask women to move or take a trip with them unless there is an underlying personal relationship already in place.

And I agree that it's immature to start having your cronies call and pester the man. I would be very irritated to find that my boyfriend was discussing our relationship with friends and relatives and asking them to get involved - it would be a deal breaker for me for the relationship.