I am 24 years old I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years at first we had great sex then slowed down like any couple after a year but we still had great sex. But then I moved to another city because I found a job. And 3 months later I started dating another guy but we only lasted 8 months at the most. And when I came home, me and my boyfriend still had good sex and the spark didn't vanish but now I broke it off with the other guy and haven't been sexually active for 7 months before coming home to my boyfriend.

Now I have a problem I can't seem to enjoy sex at all and when I try to think of the good times I just go blank. When he tries to get me interested by giving me oral activity I just freeze or when he tries anything to get me in the mood I just can't relax. I've talked to him about it he seems understanding but I'm scared I will lose him or worse just lose interest in sex forever. I've gained some weight could this be playing a part? What's more I don't want him to kiss me I feel like his breath stinks am I crazy? I love this man what's happening to me? PLEASE HELP!

So you were with your boyfriend when you had this second relationship? Had you broken it off with him yet?

Seems a little confusing.

It really sounds like the relationship is in its death throws. You want to have sex with him intellectually, but on an instinctual level you don't. You are trying to force one level over the other, and that doesn't work.

End it with him. It will won't ever really work again.

To answer your question, no I had not broken it off we were still in a long distance relationship when I got involved with another guy which did not work out. I really do want it to work out maybe it's a mind over matter kind of thing, but I'm beginning to think you're right maybe it is time we broke up.

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Originally Posted by maplayi

To answer your question, no I had not broken it off we were still in a long distance relationship when I got involved with another guy which did not work out. I really do want it to work out maybe its a mind over matter kind of thing, but I'm beginning to think you're right maybe it is time we broke up.

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Well - YEAH since you have cheated on him apparently. He deserves to either know about that or be free from you.

Long distance relationships are very difficult and many do not succeed. Assuming that "I got involved with another guy..." means you were not faithful, this adds a whole new layer of making it really difficult for a relationship to succeed. Why not take a break for a while and then re-evaluate in a few months.

Like was said.. You can rarely have your cake and eat it too.

Show him some respect and tell him... because the longer you hide it the worse its going to be when he does eventually find out. And it always does eventually.

In relationships!
When 1 is seeing someone else.
While still being wing with the other.

Havingg an affair/cheating!
Can be used as a arometer to find/figure out what is missing in the relationship.
It is not so much the act itself!
As it is the reason behind it!

We all do things for a reason!!
Hardly a spur of the moment!!

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Originally Posted by mark25624

In relationships!
When 1 is seeing someone else.
While still being wing with the other.

Havingg an affair/cheating!
Can be used as a arometer to find/figure out what is missing in the relationship.
It is not so much the act itself!
As it is the reason behind it!

We all do things for a reason!!!!
Hardly a spur of the moment!!!!!!

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Well I did it because I was lonely I had no frineds in a new place very far from home and the people I love, then a few months in this guy started giving me attention and I felt better about myself and I had someone to talk to but little did I know I was naïve cause he was just a user... But anyway now it doesn't matter why I did it, all that matters is that I've ruined my relationship with the one person who actually loves me with all my imperfection, his not perfect he also cheated and I found out but its not affecting him as it is affecting me... I just want to know how I can fix it cause I'm not willing to just give up on my relationship with him we've talked about a break up and he doesn't want it niether do I.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maplayi

Well I did it because I was lonely I had no frineds in a new place very far from home and the people I love, then a few months in this guy started giving me attention and I felt better about myself and I had someone to talk to but little did I know I was naïve cause he was just a user..... But anyway now it doesn't matter why I did it, all that matters is that I've ruined my relationship with the one person who actually loves me with all my imperfection, his not perfect he also cheated and I found out but its not affecting him as it is affecting me..... I just want to know how I can fix it cause I'm not willing to just give up on my relationship with him we've talked about a break up and he doesn't want it niether do I.

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"I felt better about myself" - Maybe you should learn ways to feel better about yourself that doesn't involve cheating.

I am not a big fan cheating and after reading your post it is almost like you two accept cheating as a part of an everyday relationship. I will never understand that. I don't know how you can save this relationship or ever trust each other again.

But I do know that I would never be involved with someone that cheated on me because I already feel good about myself.

Until you've walked a mile in my shoes then you won't fully understand. It may not have been the best decision I've made but sometimes we learn the hard way and no I do not condone or accept cheating as part of the everyday occurrence but I'm not about to be hypocrite and not admit I was wrong and he was too but that doesn't mean a person shouldn't be given a second chance, I've learnt my lesson and I'm not the kind who doesn't learn from past mistakes I did it, not proud of it and I wouldn't do it again but if you believe in something you fight for it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by maplayi

Until you've walked a mile in my shoes then you won't fully understand. It may not have been the best decision I've made but sometimes we learn the hard way and no I do not condone or accept cheating as part of the everyday occurance but I'm not about to be hypocrite and not admit I was wrong and he was too but that doesn't mean a person shouldn't be given a second chance, I've learnt my lesson and I'm not the kind who doesn't learn from past mistakes I did it, not proud of it and I wouldn't do it again but if you believe in something you fight for it.

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"Until you've walked a mile in my shoes" - Oh please. Where ever your shoes have been isn't a reason to cheat.

It would be difficult for me to trust again. But you two have apparently admitted it to each other so I guess that is the first step. Someone smarter than me should tell you what the next steps are but I would think you need to deal with what it was that made you cheat in the first place.