Ask Me Help Desk - What to do about Big Bobby's OCD and bad behavior??

So all my buds decided we would have a Poker New Year's Eve Party. We have a friend named Big Bobby who is very OCD. I usually say OCQ for Qualities when I talk about my OCD'ness. With him it is very OCD. He probably has some ADD along with some addictive personality too. He is a piece of work but he is a friend who really likes me.

So he ended up getting really upset at our poker game, something that happens too fast and too often. In the course of being upset he knocked me flying into some tables and chairs. He is a big person and towers over me. But honestly my crash probably looked a lot worse than it was. Adam jumped up and made sure I was okay, then I thought he was going to kill BB. I had to get between BB and Adam and calm them both down. Adam wasn’t happy that I wasn’t mad, but that is another chapter. Anyway, I know BB and I understand his issues. It is just getting more and more difficult to deal with his bad behavior.

BB has done this many times before. When he does it and stays at the table, I keep ragging on him until he apologizes, which he always does. I say “They called you Bobby so get out your gun and blow their head off” trying to sound as sarcastic as I can. Stuff like that so that he can see that his behavior is inappropriate and that he needs to apologize to everyone.

Monday night was different. He stormed out and sent me multiple texts about how I always defend Adam and the others and never take his side. I had to rag on him via text message this time. But things are still not right.

What is the appropriate way to deal with someone who is OCD, who has a very short and bad temper, who is addicted to alcohol, eBay, can’t sit still, etc. He usually calms right down and I am able to rag on him. He doesn’t blow up at me ever but still it is getting difficult to make continual excuses for his behavior.

Wow... I have to say this. I usually read your advice and think about how well you hand it out. It's tough though, when it's a situation that you're in, isn't it? For some reason, that makes it more difficult.

Unfortunately, I can't help you with this too much. I used to hang out with a partying crowd when I was younger. I won't lie, I liked alcohol (even with all the trouble it always got me into), I liked partying 6 nights a week. Anyway... one of the people in our crowd was a lunatic. Once he had enough beer (from night to night it was tough to judge what "enough" would be), ANYTHING could set him off. He was a bomb just waiting to go. You could say something as simple as how the weather had been nice and if he didn't agree, that would be his trigger. He would smash things. He would scream. He would want to fight. Sometimes, he would even just shut up and not talk at all. Very weird.

The guy was a really decent guy if you caught him at rare moments of not drinking but once he hit that level, he was impossible to deal with. After talking with him many, many times with no positive results, others in my group started distancing themselves from him but I stuck around because we were like brothers... until I finally had enough one night. We were sitting in our favorite bar and out of nowhere, he just starts screaming about "going to rip their eye out and skull f### them"... over and over. Our bartender (who I was friends with) asked him to stop which only made him louder. She asked me if I could get him to stop, which not only made him louder, but then made him turn on me. Anyway, long story short, he was physically removed from the bar. I took off and left him behind because I was pissed off. Right thing to do? I still don't know for sure.

The short of it is this... there really is nothing you can do. You deal with it or don't. You will not change Bobby as I was not able to change Bill. My final solution was to wipe my hands of the whole thing and just stop hanging out with him. If he was going to be some place, I would be somewhere else. It was difficult at first but that was the only way for me to deal with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by odinn7

Wow...I have to say this. I usually read your advice and think about how well you hand it out. It's tough though, when it's a situation that you're in, isn't it? For some reason, that makes it more difficult.

Unfortunately, I can't help you with this too much. I used to hang out with a partying crowd when I was younger. I won't lie, I liked alcohol (even with all the trouble it always got me into), I liked partying 6 nights a week. Anyway...one of the people in our crowd was a lunatic. Once he had enough beer (from night to night it was tough to judge what "enough" would be), ANYTHING could set him off. He was a bomb just waiting to go. You could say something as simple as how the weather had been nice and if he didn't agree, that would be his trigger. He would smash things. He would scream. He would want to fight. Sometimes, he would even just shut up and not talk at all. Very weird.

The guy was a really decent guy if you caught him at rare moments of not drinking but once he hit that level, he was impossible to deal with. After talking with him many, many times with no positive results, others in my group started distancing themselves from him but I stuck around because we were like brothers...until I finally had enough one night. We were sitting in our favorite bar and out of nowhere, he just starts screaming about "going to rip their eye out and skull f### them"....over and over. Our bartender (who I was friends with) asked him to stop which only made him louder. She asked me if I could get him to stop, which not only made him louder, but then made him turn on me. Anyway, long story short, he was physically removed from the bar. I took off and left him behind because I was pissed off. Right thing to do? I still don't know for sure.

The short of it is this...there really is nothing you can do. You deal with it or don't. You will not change Bobby as I was not able to change Bill. My final solution was to wipe my hands of the whole thing and just stop hanging out with him. If he was going to be some place, I would be somewhere else. It was difficult at first but that was the only way for me to deal with it.

"My final solution was to wipe my hands of the whole thing" - yeah I am too that point and don't want to be at this point.

Adam drinks very little and I don't drink at all. I just bought the bubbly THAT WAS NEVER OPENED. Ugh!

Bobby is a bomb but he has so much more going on too that it makes it difficult to deal with just the bomb part. I know ragging on him is not the best thing but he does love me as a friend and wouldn't hurt me. He felt bad about what he had done. If new people play poker with us he scares them to the point they won't come back. My last text to him was "I am really over making excuses constantly for your behavior" or words to that affect. The others and especially Adam are over him already. Adam doesn't get this at all.

Maybe a timeout chair??