I don’t know how to explain my situation. My boyfriend of 5 years left me 1 year back and only mailed me saying I’m going forever. I was totally broken and still having that pain so till May I tried to make him realize through my mails how much I love him. But he told me that he got married in Feb. So after hearing this I stopped mailing him but my heart knows I keep on thinking about him.

He never used me physically but the emotional torture that I’m going through can’t be explained. I had never imagined my life without him. I'm 28 so my parents are forcing to get married. But yesterday I came to know that he got married on 29 Dec 2012 through his Facebook account. I feel sorry and sad that maybe I should have not stopped mailing him since May (as he told me he is married) so there might have been a chance to get him back. Also I can’t understand why he lied to me about his marriage? He still mails me saying I love you and miss you to which I don’t reply as I don’t want to be involved with a married man.

I never imagined my love story to be like this. In mails he constantly tells me to get married to someone else. Which I think I won’t be able to do in this life. His memories haunt me whole day. I’m very sensitive and can’t bear all this. Also when he left me he told me he has heart problem and had two heart attacks so doesn’t want to spoil my life. Then I don’t understand how can he marry someone else?
I asked him he said it doesn’t matter if someone's life is spoiled but he doesn’t want to spoil my life.
I lost my mom 9 years back and my mom and boyfriend were the only two people I loved the most. I feel god doesn’t want to see me happy. I feel like committing suicide or becoming nun as if I live in this world either I have to marry a person whom I may be never able to love and vice versa OR if I stay unmarried whole life and be lonely while he is having a wife and will have children also.

Please help me. What should I do?

He lied about when he married and may be lying about his heart problems too, but none of that matters. You MUST not open any of his emails. He isn't letting go for his own selfish reasons - he likes your unconditional love for him.
Please don't let your family force you to marry. There's no way you can be happy doing that right now. How about working or school (even though I know you are depressed and don't want to do anything)?

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Originally Posted by joypulv

He lied about when he married and may be lying about his heart problems too, but none of that matters. You MUST not open any of his emails. He isn't letting go for his own selfish reasons - he likes your unconditional love for him.
Please don't let your family force you to marry. There's no way you can be happy doing that right now. How about working or school (even though I know you are depressed and don't want to do anything)?

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You are right in judging my condition. As you said I am not replying to his mails since seven months just reading them in the hope that one day may be he will say I am sorry and I haven't married. But I guess that will not happen at all now at least in this life-time. I always wanted him to be my husband but its not in my destiny.
I know this bitter truth but not able to accept it. I am an MBA (marketing) but he never wanted me to work so I gave up my job for his happiness.
Now I am not in the condition to think of anything else so don't know where to begin and what to do?
I have mixed feelings for him. I love him also for being so caring & loving and hate him also simultaneously & pray to God that he should get punishment for what he did.
Is it so easy and comfortable to break someone's heart and live happily? I keep on crying whole day for him knowing he is happily married and he chose that girl over me, may be I lack something...

It is easy to break someone's heart because it is easy to be brokenhearted.
I think most of us have suffered this way, and the pain is indescribable. Some of it never goes away - it just is an undercurrent in your life, no matter how busy and full of other people.
Go back to school or work, perhaps? How about some more MBA courses, in something like running non profits? Less pressure on making money, more on doing good in the world. Unless you can get a job right away using what you have.

I don't know what happened to your other thread. >found it and merged the two threads<
You need to stop reading this guys emails. Block them then pick up your career again. This guy is married, he is not coming back and probably will not apologize to you. It is time to get on with your life.

Where do you live that you have to marry someone else because of your age?

If you aren't ready to marry someone else, don't. In any event, this guy left you and married someone else. Even if he loves you, he doesn't love you enough to take control of his life and marry you so he has nothing to offer you but the heartache you've been feeling.

It's OK to be on your own. You don't have to choose between being a nun and being married. How about getting job and supporting yourself? Take some time, marry later if you fall in love and otherwise, build a single life for yourself.

I know several people in celibate religious life and can tell you that it's not a good life unless you feel called to it as your passion. It is demanding and difficult and can be very lonely, but those who are contented with the life find their happiness in the work they do and the connection they feel with God through that work. They see great value in their solitude - they view it as a necessary gift, not a sacrifice. So to enter such a vocation as a means to get away from getting over a bad relationship sounds to me like a really bad, and very dishonest, thing to do.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Where do you live that you have to marry someone else because of your age?

If you aren't ready to marry someone else, don't. In any event, this guy left you and married someone else. Even if he loves you, he doesn't love you enough to take control of his life and marry you so he has nothing to offer you but the heartache you've been feeling.

It's ok to be on your own. You don't have to choose between being a nun and being married. How about getting job and supporting yourself? Take some time, marry later if you fall in love and otherwise, build a single life for yourself.

I know several people in celibate religious life and can tell you that it's not a good life unless you feel called to it as your passion. It is demanding and difficult and can be very lonely, but those who are contented with the life find their happiness in the work they do and the connection they feel with God through that work. They see great value in their solitude - they view it as a necessary gift, not a sacrifice. So to enter such a vocation as a means to get away from getting over a bad relationship sounds to me like a really bad, and very dishonest, thing to do.

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I am from India and here when a girl crosses 25 years of age or as soon as she finishes her education parents , relatives start pressurising to get married ( which is the thing I hate the most).

When I met this guy I was 23 and he was 28. I had done MBA ( Marketing) and he was in Army. But he was not financially sound so kept on telling me to wait till he gets settled, so somehow I managed to convince my family that I don't want to marry that time. This I did for 5 long years. And also he didn't want me to work at all and wanted a housewife, so I gave up that idea also for his happiness. But all in vain.

And when he left, he told me to get married to someone else (as I am 28 now) otherwise after 30 I won't get a nice life partner. My father is also telling me the same thing. I never want to be in a marriage where I don't love that person truly.
In India if a girl remains unmarried and stays alone then she is looked down upon and considered as bad, so if I don't marry then I'll have to face all this which I don't want. That's why I decided to be a nun.

I know just to escape from this situation it's bad to lie to God, but I think it will be better than to spoil an innocent man's life and deprive him of all the love and care which he deserves and expects from his wife. As I know I won't fall in love again.Also I am not in a position to get hurt again, if he also turns out to be a cheat.

Not only to this guy but also to God I always said that if I don't marry him I'll never marry. He was my first and last love. Wish he could understand and value my love!

Spiritual life is going to be difficult but less painful than a life without him or with someone else whom I don't love.

I never had the courage to tell all this to my father as he is diabetic and I don't want to give him any tension. Only my younger brother knows all this. But he also tells me to get married and forget him.

Before you become a nun why don't you consider moving to the West - Europe or the US or Canada. Perhaps you can leave India and earn a doctoral level degree.

I suggest this because you could do so while also looking into and spending more time discerning the potential for a religious vocation. In the West, it is very common to marry after 30. There is also no stigma attached to being single.

You could still enter a religious life as a nun if you so desired, but instead of rushing such a situation to avoid upsetting your parents, being looked down upon or other external reasons, you could give yourself more choices and determine absent those pressures whether a religious life is really for you.

This is ultimately your life. None of us can please our families all the time. There is no shame in being educated, or marrying for love, or entering a religious vocation for love of God. The shame only comes with living dishonestly, or making bad decisions out of fear. The religious life can be very beautiful but only if it's for you. You can't know that confidently if you are acting from fear and a belief that you have no other options.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Before you become a nun why don't you consider moving to the West - Europe or the US or Canada. Perhaps you can leave India and earn a doctoral level degree.

I suggest this because you could do so while also looking into and spending more time discerning the potential for a religious vocation. In the West, it is very common to marry after 30. There is also no stigma attached to being single.

You could still enter a religous life as a nun if you so desired, but instead of rushing such a situation to avoid upsetting your parents, being looked down upon or other external reasons, you could give yourself more choices and determine absent those pressures whether a religious life is really for you.

This is ultimately your life. None of us can please our families all the time. There is no shame in being educated, or marrying for love, or entering a religious vocation for love of God. The shame only comes with living dishonestly, or making bad decisions out of fear. The religious life can be very beautiful but only if it's for you. You can't know that confidently if you are acting from fear and a belief that you have no other options.

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Its difficult for me to move abroad at present.
I am really confused as to whether I should think of becoming a nun or not.
I feel after many years I should not get the feeling (If I choose to be nun or I don't marry) that I am alone and he is having a family and enjoying.
Also I don't want to marry if there is no love and be in a relationship just for the sake of making parents happy.
So I AM CONFUSED WHAT I SHOULD DO?
WHICH PATH WILL GIVE ME HAPPINESS AND LOVE.. I AM NOT ABLE TO DECIDE ANYTHING. I don't want to regret in later life.

First, please realize that he is selfish and thoughtless, and his emails are just because he wants his cake and his cupcake too! He is a liar and manipulator, regardless of any feelings he still has for you - he chose to marry someone else, whether from family pressure or love or what, you will never know. You MUST be angry at him for your own health. He doesn't care about you enough to LET YOU GO. He's selfish!
Second, there are ways to start meeting other eligible men, in any culture, such as through a matchmaker, or taking more business courses to further your career. Convince your parents that 28 isn't too old for a degreed modern woman. You still have many years to have children, and there are men out there who postponed finding a wife because of school. Would you be receptive to a matchmaker finding several choices to meet, and going back to school for one or two courses?

Yes if he really loved you, he would have married you regardless.

He is wrong to email you and you need to stop talking to him and if he emails again, just delete it , and not read it.

Next I will say while India is not as bad as some of the other nations, a young women risks danger in disobeying her parents and arranged marriages are very common in many parts of the world. Most of the middle east still has it to some level as does Asia.

I see match makers every Saturday in the local park, 100's of people come to find matches for their children,

Please understand just because it is not the way it is done in Western Society, does not make it exactly wrong, marriages from matches in these societies have lower divorce rates than love marriage in Western culture, because they work hard at making it work often.
Plus view points on divorce also.

'I see match makers every Saturday in the local park, 100's of people come to find matches for their children,'

Interesting slice of life in China we don't hear about, or at least I never heard.

Wanting to become a nun because of this guy is just dumb. I don't thunk God wants to be the backup or rebound. Get a job, start socializing with other people. There is a person out there for you.

Perhaps you're stuck because you think this man who is now out of your life, or this man your parents have chosen, or being a nun are all the choices you have in life. Can you go back to your parents and ask for their help meeting other potential spouses so you can choose someone who you are attracted to and could be excited about marrying? It is a myth that we can only fall in love once. And sometimes, when a person is impossible for us to have, they can seem even more appealing - we always seem to want what we cannot have, don't we?

Otherwise, again - seriously consider coming here. I live in the Chicago suburbs and there are many people from India and Pakistan who are extremely successful here, men and women alike. It seems our financial institutions, medical facilities, universities all have not just a few Indian and Pakistani people among their highest ranks, but a great many. Many came here for educational opportunities, did very well and were able to stay and become citizens. Doctors, attorneys, scientists, financial experts. With the high level of trade between our nations, your language skills and formal education would be particularly valued in business and there would be NO racial or cultural bias against you in any profession you might wish to pursue. There are also many people from India and Pakistan (I mention both because the communities seem to coexist quite well), who own small businesses - restaurants and stores.

There are countless universities here, and it is possible to get loans and other assistance for study. Many PhD candidates work in research or for professors as assistants to help pay for school. Your language skills, I believe, are adequate for you to come and do well here. You would have to refine your English some more, but many come and succeed with far less skill in English than you demonstrate.

What's more, many people come from India to here because they want to shrug the very cultural expectations you are describing. Many Indian people marry and maintain most of their culture but also embrace some of the feminist ideals that are prominent in American Culture, such as wives working. Like other Americans, some wives stop working for a period when their children are small, then go back to work when the children are older. If your dream is to both work and marry and have children, that is acceptable here, as is marrying later in life. In fact, I married at 27 and many people thought that was young. Because of the prevalence of divorce here, it is not at all uncommon for people to marry eithe for the first or second time in their forties and fifties and even later.

I don't know if this is an option you would consider, but please consider EVERY option before you make a decision. You could also come here as a candidate for the convent, if you are speaking of being a Catholic nun. There are many orders who would be happy to have you. You take your vows in stages, and could look into a vocation while also experiencing our culture and seeing if life in America, as a nun or not, might be right for you.

Best wishes and God bless you, in whatever life path you choose.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

Perhaps you're stuck because you think this man who is now out of your life, or this man your parents have chosen, or being a nun are all the choices you have in life. Can you go back to your parents and ask for their help meeting other potential spouses so you can choose someone who you are attracted to and could be excited about marrying? It is a myth that we can only fall in love once. And sometimes, when a person is impossible for us to have, they can seem even more appealing - we always seem to want what we cannot have, don't we?

Otherwise, again - seriously consider coming here. I live in the Chicago suburbs and there are many people from India and Pakistan who are extremely successful here, men and women alike. It seems our financial institutions, medical facilities, universities all have not just a few Indian and Pakistani people among their highest ranks, but a great many. Many came here for educational opportunities, did very well and were able to stay and become citizens. Doctors, attorneys, scientists, financial experts. With the high level of trade between our nations, your language skills and formal education would be particularly valued in business and there would be NO racial or cultural bias against you in any profession you might wish to pursue. There are also many people from India and Pakistan (I mention both because the communities seem to coexist quite well), who own small businesses - restaurants and stores.

There are countless universities here, and it is possible to get loans and other assistance for study. Many PhD candidates work in research or for professors as assistants to help pay for school. Your language skills, I believe, are adequate for you to come and do well here. You would have to refine your English some more, but many come and succeed with far less skill in English than you demonstrate.

What's more, many people come from India to here because they want to shrug the very cultural expectations you are describing. Many Indian people marry and maintain most of their culture but also embrace some of the feminist ideals that are prominent in American Culture, such as wives working. Like other Americans, some wives stop working for a period of time when their children are small, then go back to work when the children are older. If your dream is to both work and marry and have children, that is acceptable here, as is marrying later in life. In fact, I married at 27 and many people thought that was young. Because of the prevalence of divorce here, it is not at all uncommon for people to marry eithe for the first or second time in their forties and fifties and even later.

I don't know if this is an option you would consider, but please consider EVERY option before you make a decision. You could also come here as a candidate for the convent, if you are speaking of being a Catholic nun. There are many orders who would be happy to have you. You take your vows in stages, and could look into a vocation while also experiencing our culture and seeing if life in America, as a nun or not, might be right for you.

Best wishes and God bless you, in whatever life path you choose.

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To everyone here who tried helping me specially "dontknownuthin", I am really very thankful to all of you. I feel a bit good and have some hope that I may be able to forget him( partially) n move on in life whether I choose to marry or pursue a religious life.
I never believed in arranged marriages and never wanted to have one, but God has left no option for me.
As I am a Hindu so I want to know the process to become a nun in India, if you can help me? Whom shall I contact and from where can I gather information about a nun's life? Please help me..

I do not know how hindu nuns are organized but I would guess that reaching out to your local temple, they could connect you to someone you could talk to about the life.

And keep in mind, as you will learn as a nun if not before - we have free will for a reason. God enables us to choose our path but it's for us to make the tough choices to do the right thing. You have recognized that it is not right for you to marry someone you do not love. Do not jump from one bad situation to another by becoming a nun to avoid your life circumstances. Maybe God is calling you, not to the convent but rather to swim against the current and do something different than what the culture expects. Maybe you are meant to be an agent of cultural change, a young woman who pursues education and career, and marries only when she is ready to a person she loves. Sometimes doing what is right is not a popular choice, and what God asks of us is to live true and accept the challenge and costs associated with doing the right thing.

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Originally Posted by dontknownuthin

I do not know how hindu nuns are organized but I would guess that reaching out to your local temple, they could connect you to someone you could talk to about the life.

And keep in mind, as you will learn as a nun if not before - we have free will for a reason. God enables us to choose our path but it's for us to make the tough choices to do the right thing. You have recognized that it is not right for you to marry someone you do not love. Do not jump from one bad situation to another by becoming a nun to avoid your life circumstances. Maybe God is calling you, not to the convent but rather to swim against the current and do something different than what the culture expects. Maybe you are meant to be an agent of cultural change, a young woman who pursues education and career, and marries only when she is ready to a person she loves. Sometimes doing what is right is not a popular choice, and what God asks of us is to live true and accept the challenge and costs associated with doing the right thing.

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I totally agree with what you say and I am still undergoing the thought process of what should I do. I am asking you how can a hindu girl convert to Christianity and then become a nun.. Also if possible tell me what life is going to be like? If any of your friends or relatives have followed the path of Jesus... Since my childhood I have been fascinated to the institution of church and wanted to become nun if I don't get my love, because it's a sin if I marry a boy and don't give him that love.