I have been split up with my ex since early October now and I sent her a letter in November with no luck. I was with this girl for 2 years and I loved her very dearly but she split up with me. I don't want to lose her completely from my life and we share some mutual friends and I still feel for her with love which to be honest I think I always will. Now its hit new year I just think to myself that I want to talk to her again, perhaps try and start some sort of friendship slowly but I'm scared as to how she would react to me contacting her.

The break up we had has hit me hard and I have been suffering from depression which I have been to the doctor about and I have had a couple of counselling sessions to help me handle things and sort out my own issues. I miss her a lot and always considered her my soul mate and despite having had a couple of dates I still can't bare the thought of not having my ex in my future in some way whether being my partner or just being friend, this also making me pretty much call off any progress of getting with someone else because I see her as irreplaceable and the whole situation has given me the fear to commit or show emotion to another women.

I am still very much in love with my ex and if she gave me an opportunity I would be straight there and really, I believe she knows this even now but if I had the chance I would still like her to be a good friend as we know each other inside and out and it would be a shame to completely waste what we had. I want to know how is a good way to initiate some sort of communication with her and what would be a good time to do so? As we have mutual friends, at some time or another it is inevitable that we will meet again and there are occasions that I already know it will happen such as at a wedding that is going to take place in May and also a music festival that we both go to and so does our friends. It would be nice to have some sort of communication and even friendship, to be able to sit and talk, have a laugh and drink, if nothing more.

Thank you

Any thoughts anyone?

Your going round, round and round again and not getting yourself out of this mess. You have stated you love her still. So you cannot be friends. You cannot be friends until you can honestly say you do not love her and you wouldn't feel too much of anything if she was with someone else apart from nostalgia.

Continue dating women, keeping busy and meeting new people. Workout, get new hobbies and in time you will find yourself thinking less and less of your ex.

Whatever you do not meet with her, do not look at her social networking websites, do not text her, do not meet her with mutual friends. If you do meet her you will end up back at the beginning of your healing.

As you have mutual friends maybe some tidbits of info about your exciting new life might get back to her. Let it.

Maybe in 3-6 months see how you feel about contacting her and pursueing friends. You obviously both need time apart for a bit. If she gets in touch with you though by all means keep things light and fun. No talk of your relationship. Your busy and your having a good life without her :P

Time will help and never say never to anything in the future as you never know what will happen. Just plan without your ex in mind.

It is really difficult though because I'm always thinking about her. I still wish and hope there was a chance that we could be together again. I feel the time alone I have had to think, contemplate and seeing a professional has helped me with my insecurities and through the process of meeting others while out has greatly boosted my confidence in myself. Id just love the chance to be able to retrieve the good relationship we had or at least be good friends. I worry that the longer time goes on the chances of anything are slipping away. I care for and love this women with all my heart so I'm distraught at the thought of never having anything to do with her which is why I always contemplate in contacting her but the only thing stopping me is fear of her reaction. Despite having a different mind set than I had before in regards to relationships and attitudes within them I still don't want anyone else apart from her. I see it as being near impossible to get over the person you truly love and consider the one and a soul mate. I wonder if she ever thinks similar or thinks about me or even thinks that leaving me was a bad decision.

Ive read so much advice from numerous sources and I'm trying stay occupied and venture new pastures, I'm even currently doing an application to be a special constable in my local police force but she alwa

Continued- always in my mind

Your ex will think about you sure. You can't just forget, its nigh on impossible. You just learn to with it. She or you will need to replace that vacum in your life by doing other things. Whether that is replacing you with someone else or vice versa.

I still think about my first ever girlfriend at 16. We were friends for a while and dated a few weeks. After that I got fed up of her stalky behaviour dumped her and never spoke to her again. I did not particularly fancy her in the first place. A small amount of time we went out but I still think of her on occasion.

We all move on. We can only do that with time and keeping busy. If it takes a year so be it. Do not contact her until you can honestly say you woudlnt really mind if she was with someone else. I would put at least 3 months of no contact maybe even 6 between you and her.

If she gets in touch so be it. If not it does not matter you are leading a happy and fulfilled life. Your changing things in your life to be happier and meeting new people. Keep on dating and meeting new people.

To be honest I want her to be happy, if she didn't want to be with me again then I would just be happy if she found someone who loves and cares for her as much as I do but I would still love to have a chance to even just be friends with her. I want to be able to re-connect with her and do the thing that we loved doing and having a laugh whether just us two or even with our friends. Myself I' am frustrated because I feel so much better in my state of mind regarding insecurities and trust and even self confidence due to getting a bit of help and helping myself which is what she always wanted and I would love a chance to show her that.

I don't thoroughly believe in no contact fully. Where as its good in a sense that it cools things off and gives both parties a chance to miss each other, allow them to wonder what the other is doing and think of the things that they fell in love for in the first place as well as all the good times that they spent together, it can also make them slip away and kill all chances to re-connect and love can be a hard thing to find, nice people who will commit and care can come about once in a blue moon so I'm a strong believer in trying to fight for the person you love and if you mean it to them, show them everything you can that you can make it work.

I would like some more advice on how I should go about re-connecting with her. Perhaps a casual text asking her how she is?

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Originally Posted by snakenath

To be honest i want her to be happy, if she didn't want to be with me again then i would just be happy if she found someone who loves and cares for her as much as i do but i would still love to have a chance to even just be friends with her. I want to be able to re-connect with her and do the thing that we loved doing and having a laugh whether just us two or even with our friends. Myself I' am frustrated because i feel so much better in my state of mind regarding insecurities and trust and even self confidence due to getting a bit of help and helping myself which is what she always wanted and i would love a chance to show her that.

I dont thoroughly believe in no contact fully. Where as its good in a sense that it cools things off and gives both parties a chance to miss each other, allow them to wonder what the other is doing and think of the things that they fell in love for in the first place as well as all the good times that they spent together, it can also make them slip away and kill all chances to re-connect and love can be a hard thing to find, nice people who will commit and care can come about once in a blue moon so im a strong believer in trying to fight for the person you love and if you mean it to them, show them everything you can that you can make it work.

I would like some more advice on how i should go about re-connecting with her. Perhaps a casual text asking her how she is?

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Do not kid yourself. Your not over her. Until you are you cannot be friends. Its hard yeah.. but the best thing to do is completely no contact and deletion from your life. Just drop of the face of the earth and go about creating a new single life for yourself. When you can honestly say you do not care and are indifferent. This is when it is time to reconnect (if you actually care). Maybe then you can try for friendship... this will be a long time away though.