I go to Catholic high school and I'm really unhappy there. Even though I have "friends", I feel so excluded and ignored all the time and I hang out by myself in the toilets and library almost every lunch. I've had this problem for more than a year where I break down and cry and resort to self-harm (I'm not sure if it's depression - I've taken online tests and the results show a high possibility of being diagnosed with it but I'm too scared to go to the doctor about it. And my family doesn't know). I've known most of the people in my school for over 7 years as we attended primary school together but I was ditched and I just really want change. I want a new fresh start and going to this school isn't helping. I'm so unhappy there I can barely concentrate on my schoolwork without wishing I was somewhere else and I dropped from 90-100 to 70-80. This sounds incredibly dramatic and stupid but I'm so unhappy and I want to move.

I have 2 public schools in mind that I want to move to and they're both all girls schools (that will hopefully keep me less distracted as I grow older) and ranked one of the best in the region. But the thing is, they are not local (about 40 minutes away by car) so I will most likely need to catch a train to attend. How will I convince my parents to transfer schools? I'm in Year 8 and I live in Sydney, Australia if that's helpful.

I made a list of pros and cons. Suggestions to add are appreciated!

PROS

• No boys, no distractions
• Public school, less fees than Catholic school
• Ranked one of best in region, quality education
• Maximise academic potential

CONS

• Not in local area
• Use of train as transport
• No parental supervision when travelling to and from school

What is your plan to be accepted by and to make friends with girls at the new school?

I hope you don't think Public school is going to be any different... if anything it will be worse...

YOU have to make yourself fit in... if you insist on being the square peg in a land of round holes, you are never going to fit in.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What is your plan to be accepted by and to make friends with girls at the new school?

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Not quite. At my current school, I'm accepted but I don't exactly fit in with the students anywhere, if you understand that. I have a personality where I don't need friends and I can deal with being alone but I'm extremely unhappy so I think moving schools will help me have a fresh start and help me overall as a person, and making new friends and increasing my grades is a benefit that comes with it. Reading over this, it does sound silly and confusing but that's my situation.

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Originally Posted by lilyyvu

Not quite. At my current school, I'm accepted but I don't exactly fit in with the students anywhere, if you understand that. I have a personality where I don't need friends and I can deal with being alone but I'm extremely unhappy so I think moving schools will help me have a fresh start and help me overall as a person, and making new friends and increasing my grades is a benefit that comes with it. Reading over this, it does sound silly and confusing but that's my situation.

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That's not how life works... best to learn it now... because you can't run away from every situation that doesn't work how you want. Or that you screw up... in the real world you have to fix what you broke... running away is rarely an option.

First.. your quality of education will most likely be worse at a public school... and you are going to be subjected to far worse because Public schools are full of poorer kids, many times from families of welfare recipients where respect isn't taught in the home... and they are in the school because the law makes them attend.

If you think you have it hard now... just wait.

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Originally Posted by lilyyvu

Not quite. At my current school, I'm accepted but I don't exactly fit in with the students anywhere, if you understand that. I have a personality where I don't need friends and I can deal with being alone but I'm extremely unhappy so I think moving schools will help me have a fresh start and help me overall as a person, and making new friends and increasing my grades is a benefit that comes with it. Reading over this, it does sound silly and confusing but that's my situation.

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And what if the same things happen at your new school? Every school has new students each year. Have you tried making friends? Are you in any clubs or groups?

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Originally Posted by smoothy

I hope you don't think Public school is going to be any different...if anything it will be worse....

YOU have to make yourself fit in....if you insist on being the square peg in a land of round holes, you are never going to fit in.

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I think the misunderstanding here is that fitting in is the main problem (it only plays a small role) but it's really my unhappiness caused by my desire for change. Anyhow, I've been trying for a year to fit in but it's never worked. I moved groups countless times but I feel so alien compared to them. But that's a good quote, thank you haha :-)

No, I don't think a public school is going to be majorly different. I didn't mention this before, since I didn't think it was relevant, but being in a Catholic school, you obviously have to study religion. But I honestly don't see Catholicism as a religion anymore; I still believe in god since I was brought up like that, but as a religionand dedicating my life to god... for me, that's too far-fetched. And Catholic schools are incredibly strict with things that don't even affect your education e.g. you can't wear jewellery except for two stud earrings for girls, no nail polish or makeup, no shorts higher than your knees for free dress days, etc.

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Originally Posted by teacherjenn4

And what if the same things happen at your new school? Every school has new students each year. Have you tried making friends? Are you in any clubs or groups?

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My current school doesn't accept any new students unless another student leaves. And there are only approximately two or three clubs or groups or extra curricular activities that can be joined without being having to be studied as electives and subjects.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

That's not how life works....best to learn it now...because you can't run away from every situation that doesn't work how you want. Or that you screw up....in the real world you have to fix what you broke....running away is rarely an option.

First..your quality of education will most likely be worse at a public school....and you are going to be subjected to far worse because Public schools are full of poorer kids, many times from families of welfare recipients where respect isn't taught in the home...and they are in the school because the law makes them attend.

If you think you have it hard now....just wait.

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The two schools I have in mind are comprehensive schools and they are actually ranked higher than my current school across the state.

I still haven't heard a plan about how you will fit in, especially with kids who are already divided up into cliques and their own groups of friends. How are you going to break in?

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Originally Posted by lilyyvu

My current school doesn't accept any new students unless another student leaves. And there are only approximately two or three clubs or groups or extra curricular activities that can be joined without being having to be studied as electives and subjects.

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So, have you joined any of these clubs? And, there are some new students... so, have you welcomed them?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I still haven't heard a plan about how you will fit in, especially with kids who are already divided up into cliques and their own groups of friends. How are you going to break in?

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I don't have a plan on fitting in, since that isn't my priority (my concern is being happier at a different school with a different environment). But if I do move, I'll just do what comes naturally I guess. Cliques and groups don't need "breaking in" as you described; they're not closed off and, I suppose, unwelcoming to newcomers as assumed or portrayed.

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Originally Posted by lilyyvu

I don't have a plan on fitting in, since that isn't my priority (my concern is being happier at a different school with a different environment). But if I do move, I'll just do what comes naturally I guess. Cliques and groups don't need "breaking in" as you described; they're not closed off and, I suppose, unwelcoming to newcomers as assumed or portrayed.

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I've changed schools from public to parochial, and yes, established groups have to be "broken in to." What is your priority? I'm still not sure what it is. Being "happier in a different environment" is just so much verbiage that means nothing. What will make you happy? Why aren't you happy now?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

I've changed schools from public to parochial, and yes, established groups have to be "broken in to." What is your priority? I'm still not sure what it is. Being "happier in a different environment" is just so much verbiage that means nothing. What will make you happy? Why aren't you happy now?

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Why I'm not happy

• The school is too strict
• I don't want to study a subject I really don't care about
• Being surrounded by the same people I've known for years
• I just don't like the people there
• I never wanted to go to the school in the first place

What would make me happy

• A less strict school
• More study options and extra curricular activities
• A new start
• Change

My plan is to stay at my school for the next year and see if things will change and if they don't, I'll ask my parents during Term 3 to move.

This isn't a spur of the moment thing; I've been thinking about this for almost a year now.

Based on my own experience and the experience of people I've known, you will be going from the frying pan into the fire. In your first post you mentioned depression, crying episodes, and cutting. These will only get worse and more frequent if you change schools and add more stress to your life.

Not to mention.. the Catholic school can toss kids out for minor things... Public schools have a far harder time expelling kids... so you have lots more kids the Catholic schools would never put up with.

Wondergirls analogy of jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire is really an understatement.

I went though public schools being neither catholic nor wealthy enough for Catholic school as a protestant... and it was unmerciful... and it was in a peaceful rural area.

Based on what you have described they will chew you up and spit you out... you have no idea how much worse it can get... and that is still easy compared to life after you graduate... that is truly unmerciful and unforgiving. You have nothing to worry about or stress over in High School compared to the real world.

I'm not trying to be mean... I'm trying to get you to see that the world is a very harsh place... and its best to learn to deal with it now before you have to go out into the real jungle.

The first survival skill is learning how to fit in with others... and high school is where you learn that if you haven't before then. And trust me... if you expect to have a good job.. and plan to keep it... you better know that lesson well before the first interview of you won't get past that point. No matter how smart you might be, companies want and need team players... not loners..