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-   -   Dating more than one (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=724427)

  • Dec 26, 2012, 04:34 PM
    lovetheusa
    Dating more than one
    I have a bit of a problem. I was divorced earlier this year. I found a new job as a cocktail waitress. I am meeting a lot of new people, particularly some interesting men. I have two with whom I am seeing on a regular basis. I am 42 years old. One of the men I am seeing is 34 years old the other is 64 years old. Neither of these men are aware that I am seeing the other, and in fact the reason I have not said anything is because I am not sure I am ready to settle down with either one of them. I am simply enjoying seeing them both. I have had sexual relations with the 34 year old. I have not had sexual relations with the 64 year old, as he is impotent. However, he has expressed to me a willingness to see a doctor to fix the problem. Both of these men have stated they would like to marry me and both have stated they want me to have their children. I have no children of my own, and frankly I am not getting any younger. My biological clock is thumping. I have also been communicating with some very interesting men on an online military singles site although I have not met any of them in person. It is extremely uncommon for me to act like this. I am usually very shy and reserved. I was wondering if it is wrong of me to continue on in this manner? I would welcome any suggestions, questions or opinions.
  • Dec 26, 2012, 05:48 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    The only thing wrong is that they should know you are dating others. Do not have to know details but they need to understand this is still a open relationship and they would also be free to date others.

    They are talking marriage, you are still seeing others, so you need to be clear, that right now, marriage is not a option but may be latter.
  • Dec 26, 2012, 06:17 PM
    Homegirl 50
    You are still pretty fresh out of a marriage. How long ave you been seeing these guys that they are taking marriage and babies?
    They need to know they are not exclusive and you may need to slow down a bit with them, especially if you are talking to other men.
  • Dec 26, 2012, 06:23 PM
    fredg
    I am 70 yrs old, divorced once, married for 30 yrs, and now a widower. You are a waitress? You have the opportunity to meet many, many men. A 64 year old man will be 84 in 20 yrs, and you will be taking care of him as a caregiver possibly, if you both live that long. A 34 yr old is more in line with your age, looking ahead some years.
    I would continue to "play the field" until you meet someone who you really love. Remember, a good relationship depends on trust, faith, respect, and a willingness to talk about anything. Keeping your boyfriends a secret from each other is not a good idea, and not leading to a good relationship with anyone. I do wish you the best, and Happy New Year.
  • Dec 26, 2012, 08:20 PM
    talaniman
    Be honest above all, and enjoy dating them all. Heck just stay single a few years and enjoy exploring and experimenting. Why NOT?

    When you are ready to settle down and take care of that pesky clock thing, you will. Just be careful with sex.
  • Dec 27, 2012, 09:20 PM
    lovetheusa
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    The only thing wrong is that they should know you are dating others. Do not have to know details but they need to understand this is still a open relationship and they would also be free to date others.

    They are talking marriage, you are still seeing others, so you need to be clear, that right now, marriage is not a option but may be latter.
    Well I have told them both they are free to see other people, but I told them this without telling them about the other people in my life. Both state they do not want anyone else but I will do my best to try and start being honest and clear with them about the marriage aspect and my desire to hold off for a while. Thank you for your reply.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Homegirl 50 View Post
    You are still pretty fresh out of a marriage. How long ave you been seeing these guys that they are taking marriage and babies?
    They need to know they are not exclusive and you may need to slow down a bit with them, especially if you are talking to other men.
    Yes, I am still pretty fresh out of my marriage but nonetheless very happy to be out. To answer your question, I have been seeing the 34 year old for just over 3 months and met the 64 year old approximately two weeks later so about 2 ˝ months. I have tried to keep the relationships “light” but no matter how light my feelings have been theirs are incredibly strong. The thing is, I know both of them would cease interest in me if they knew about the other, but I just haven't had the nerve to confess. Thank you for your reply.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by fredg View Post
    I am 70 yrs old, divorced once, married for 30 yrs, and now a widower. You are a waitress? You have the opportunity to meet many, many men. A 64 year old man will be 84 in 20 yrs, and you will be taking care of him as a caregiver possibly, if you both live that long. A 34 yr old is more in line with your age, looking ahead some years.
    I would continue to "play the field" until you meet someone who you really love. Remember, a good relationship depends on trust, faith, respect, and a willingness to talk about anything. Keeping your boyfriends a secret from each other is not a good idea, and not leading to a good relationship with anyone. I do wish you the best, and Happy New Year.
    You're so right. Honesty is always the best policy. The worst part about this is I am usually brutally honest, which is part of the reason why I find my behavior so absurd. I just didn't feel that not telling them was actually lying, but I know it is. One or both of these men is going to get hurt when I finally do make a decision, and rest assured, I will make a decision soon. Thank you for your reply and Happy New Year to you also!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Be honest above all, and enjoy dating them all. Heck just stay single a few years and enjoy exploring and experimenting. Why NOT?

    When you are ready to settle down and take care of that pesky clock thing, you will. Just be careful with sex.

    Again, admittedly I am having trouble with the honesty aspect of this and will do what is necessary to make it right even if that means I lose them both, which is most likely going to be the eventual outcome. However, I like your way of thinking in that I would really like to experiment a little bit more before I settle back down into being a wife and possibly a mother. So if the worst case scenario is I end up by myself, I guess that isn't such a bad thing. That pesky clock is eating away at me though, true true, but I agree it will happen when the time is right. Until then I have been and will continue to be safe in my relations until I have evidence of a clean bill of health. Thank you much for your reply and concern.
  • Dec 27, 2012, 11:30 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    But yes in my dating stages I often dated 2 or 3 women till one seemed to be "right" and they felt the same way. But it was always discussed.

    Remember number one in a relationship is communication. If you can not talk about any and everything, there is something wrong in the relationship

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