Ok, so I posted a question a while back about being perma-friend zoned because the girl I am/was head over heels for dumped me after 2 years and turned gay few months later. The question was about getting her back, but I haven't made any advances since then, if anything I'm stuck in the same place as her friend and I'm considering breaking off everything, the one problem with that is that I will lose everything when it's done.

I want to break it off because I'm tired of hurting myself watching her move on and because I don't want to hurt her anymore in the future. But I would still like to be able to come back and hang out with her and my friends which are now consequently hers.

By cutting off all contact of course I mean phone number, Facebook, other social contacts.

Do I tell her that I want to break off all contact, just break it off no warning, or do I stay where I am?

To any/all answers, I will most likely counter argue your points. That's just the way I am hope I don't piss you off too much with it.

Breaking off does not leave a place to come back, it ends it.

You may tell them that you are and why, but then do it, don't let them talk you out of it.
If they are a real friend, they would not want you hurting

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Breaking off does not leave a place to come back, it ends it.

You may tell them that you are and why, but then do it, don't let them talk you out of it.
If they are a real friend, they would not want you hurting

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Me being me -_-'

Your last bit there works both ways.

They could see that if I was a real friend I would be there for them no matter what, which I have been doing, I don't think she actually realise how much. I wish I could be friends with her but I've tried several times to move on and keep the friendship but in the end feelings come back and hit like brick walls when I watch her carry on.

Just pull away from her. If she ask what's going on, you tell her it is too hard hanging out because you still have feelings.
You don't just turn gay and then go back. If she is gay she is not going to come back to to you. Let this go.

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Just pull away from her. If she ask what's going on, you tell her it is too hard hanging out because you still have feelings.
You don't just turn gay and then go back. If she is gay she is not going to come back to to you. Let this go.

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Homegirl I believe you were the one answering my question months ago. I know this, I can't stress to you how much I know it. Its now a case of can/do I just give up everything to stop us both getting hurt. Just pulling away would be the easy choice, but I'm beginning to think that it would be an move to do just abandoning her.

Sorry the reply button wasn't properly working.

You can't have it both ways. You either break it off or not.

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Originally Posted by Janon

homegirl i believe you were the one answering my question months ago. i know this, i can't stress to you how much i know it. its now a case of can/do i just give up everything to stop us both getting hurt. just pulling away would be the easy choice, but im beginning to think that it would be an move to do just abandoning her.

sorry the reply button wasnt properly working.

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How do you figure you are abandoning her? She is moving on with her life. She left you remember. You need to move on.

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Originally Posted by odinn7

You can't have it both ways. You either break it off or not.

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I'm not trying to have it both ways. I'm looking for advice on whether to tell her I'm breaking it off and do it, just break it off or stay where I am.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

How do you figure you are abandoning her? She is moving on with her life. She left you remember. You need to move on.

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By not telling her why I'm ignoring her and why I'm not speaking to her. She's had a lot of people jump out of her life without a word and all of them have turned to s. I don't want to be just another that left her.

Then tell her you can't continue to spend time with her. Do you do a lot of things with her? If not, what is the deal? You call every now and then to sat hello and leave it at that. I think your worry is more about you. She ought to be able to understand that it bothers you to hang out with her.You should not be hanging out with her anyway.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then tell her you can't continue to spend time with her. Do you do a lot of things with her? If not, what is the deal? You call every now and then to sat hello and leave it at that. I think your worry is more about you. She ought to be able to understand that it bothers you to hang out with her.You should not be hanging out with her anyway.

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Its more than just spending time with her. I do OK not brilliant but good enough when I don't think of her. But if I get a text, see a status or a photo my stomach goes into a fit. As an example of how bad this is, she got a 'dyke do'(not my words) and it was posted on fb and I just felt ill as a dog. Ill agree with your last sentence but my friends are now hers, so you can see how not hanging out with her was difficult.

Stop looking at her face book status. You can adjust your security to where you don't see it. Then you tell her you just can't deal seeing her as much and you stop. I think this is more about your feelings than hers. If she can't understand this she is dense.
You can control this, you just have to be ready to let this go.
How old are the two of you?

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Stop looking at her face book status. You can adjust your security to where you don't see it. Then you tell her you just can't deal seeing her as much and you stop. I think this is more about your feelings than hers. If she can't understand this she is dense.
You can control this, you just have to be ready to let this go.
How old are the two of you?

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Well be 21 next year. I can't comprehend that its as simple as "i can't deal seeing you so much". We know from the last question that it is more my feelings, she isn't coming back (I still can't get over that)

Still unsure of what to do. My indecisiveness is my major downfall here. I don't want to be hurting myself anymore but I don't want to lose eveything

You have already lost her. Unless she is totally dense and selfish, I think she would understand why you want to stop the friendship.
When you are sick and tired of this, you will walk away. You are not there yet.

Being cool, calm, collected and in control of yourself is the difference in being around her and friends, and doing your own thing. It's the difference in being polite instead of rude, practical instead of emotionally impulsive. Independent instead of dependent of others to be happy yourself and build a life that you enjoy without her.

Make plans instead of excuses why you cannot cut from the pack, and stand on your own. I mean do you have to hang with the same mutual friends all the time? Do you have to torture yourself with old memories instead of making new ones, better ones?

You will be stuck until you do better for yourself.

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You have already lost her. Unless she is totally dense and selfish, I think she would understand why you want to stop the friendship.
When you are sick and tired of this, you will walk away. You are not there yet.

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I know I have lost her. I know she will not be coming back. Its been over two years and there is no sight of this ever going away. She most certainly isn't dense, however she can be selfish at times.

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Being cool, calm, collected and in control of yourself is the difference in being around her and friends, and doing your own thing. It's the difference in being polite instead of rude, practical instead of emotionally impulsive. Independent instead of dependent of others to be happy yourself and build a life that you enjoy without her.

Make plans instead of excuses why you cannot cut from the pack, and stand on your own. I mean do you have to hang with the same mutual friends all the time? Do you have to torture yourself with old memories instead of making new ones, better ones?

You will be stuck until you do better for yourself.

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I act like nothings wrong around all of them apart from when things fall apart. I hang with them because I have known every one all my life. Its more difficult cutting ties from people you have known since you could crawl.

I want to point out to everyone who has replied, I do see what your saying and I do get the point. I just don't want to ruin everything by making the wrong move.

Make the move that works for you and your future because long term friends tend to take different directions in life and its time to find your own direction.That doesn't mean cut them off all at once, but explore on your own sometimes.

What is it you don't want to ruin? The world will not fall apart if you don't hang around the same people all of the time. You just back off.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Make the move that works for you and your future because long term friends tend to take different directions in life and its time to find your own direction.That doesn't mean cut them off all at once, but explore on your own sometimes.

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If I cut her off, I am essentially cutting all my friends off.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

What is it you don't want to ruin? The world will not fall apart if you don't hang around the same people all of the time. You just back off.

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I don't want to ruin the shambles that is my social life right now. Because if cutting away from them doesn't work then ill have nothing.

Get control of yourself. Start by identifying and stopping any bad or counter productive behavior, and make a plan to expand your social circle of friends and activities.