I have been in a relationship with a single mum for 6 months. Things have not been so easy as she is quite insecure because of her son -7 year old. In the last 2-3 months we took some space and met once a week just to talk and catch up as she said that things won't work.

Last week after a coffee, she had to pick her son from school and offered to drop me where I had to go.

She picked her son from school first. Then left both of us alone for 10 minutes as she had to take something from home.
Also she mentioned something about her dog to me, that gave her son a clue that I have been at her place before.

I might be over-analyzing here.
She could have dropped me off first as it is only 5 minutes away, then pick her son.

It was the first time that I saw her son. I did not get in touch with her neither did she, in any way since. As we are meant to be separated.

I am not sure if I am over-analyzing, but as I said nothing happens for no reason.
Should I act upon this?
Thanks for your insight .

I doubt she is your girlfriend, just a casual dating partners unless you both agreed to some kind of exclusive commitment. I don't think she is insecure either having read your previous thread, just going slowly and cautiously, not quite ready to get to deeply involved after only 6 months.

Since you are still seeing each other, enjoy the getting to know each other, without analyzing why she doesn't give you everything you want, the way you want. You should be as cautious as she is as you develop communications and undertanding on a deeper level. If you get that far. Pay attention as more will be revealed and realize much has been revealed already about yourself, and your own fears, and insecurities.

I am very well educated, I've read this three times, and my head hurts. I am so conflustered (confused + flustered = conflustered).

I don't get what you are trying to analyze. Why not just let things happen naturally and get to know each other. At some point you were going to meet the son and possibly the dog. Knowing me, I would analyze her on just what kind of dog she has - but that's me.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

I am very well educated, I've read this three times, and my head hurts. I am so conflustered (confused + flustered = conflustered).

I don't get what you are trying to analyze. Why not just let things happen naturally and get to know each other. At some point you were going to meet the son and quite possibly the dog. Knowing me, I would analyze her on just what kind of dog she has - but that's me.

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I am on your page, or with you on this, oliver, whatever comes first. I also said WHAT ! What kind of dog does she
Have and what did she have to get at home?

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Originally Posted by tickle

I am on your page, or with you on this, oliver, whatever comes first. I also said WHAT ! What kind of dog does she
have and what did she have to get at home?

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So if I come home to the person I am seeing and she - scratch that - he has a poodle, I am running the other way. But say it is a German Shepherd, well then we might have a keeper.

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

So if I come home to the person I am seeing and she - scratch that - he has a poodle, I am running the other way. But say it is a German Shepherd, well then we might have a keeper.

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Ok I'm with you on this

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I doubt she is your girlfriend, just a casual dating partners unless you both agreed to some kind of exclusive commitment. I don't think she is insecure either having read your previous thread, just going slowly and cautiously, not quite ready to get to deeply involved after only 6 months.

Since you are still seeing each other, enjoy the getting to know each other, without analyzing why she doesn't give you everything you want, the way you want. You should be as cautious as she is as you develop communications and undertanding on a deeper level. If you get that far. Pay attention as more will be revealed and realize much has been revealed already about yourself, and your own fears, and insecurities.

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I do realize my fears and expectations.

I told her that we have to move on and take different directions and lets have a last meet-up ( that was the last time).
Reason she went home: I mentioned a book and she said has a copy of it and will lend it to me and I can give it back to her next year. She even mentioned to catch up again.

I don't think that when you say to somebody that's it. They will normally introduce you to their child or give you a book.

Mind games or she does not want to let go.

I do realize my fears and expectations.

'Mind games or she does not want to let go.'

We aren't there of course, and aren't even hearing from her, but I'll hazard a guess that if games are on the far left and not letting go is on the far right, she was about 1/3 of the way over from the right. That realm isn't so much not wanting to let go as it is wanting to stay friends and keep in touch. Which many, many people manage to do, when breakups are pretty mutual. I've done it. Sometimes you break up not because you don't like someone, but because they just don't fit your needs and wishes. She may be looking for a solid supporter for herself and her child, someone who gives off vibes of being marriage material fairly quickly. But she still likes you just fine.
In short, both of your either-or views are negative. Not necessarily so.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

'Mind games or she does not want to let go.'

We aren't there of course, and aren't even hearing from her, but I'll hazard a guess that if games are on the far left and not letting go is on the far right, she was about 1/3 of the way over from the right. That realm isn't so much not wanting to let go as it is wanting to stay friends and keep in touch. Which many, many people manage to do, when breakups are pretty mutual. I've done it. Sometimes you break up not because you don't like someone, but because they just don't fit your needs and wishes. She may be looking for a solid supporter for herself and her child, someone who gives off vibes of being marriage material fairly quickly. But she still likes you just fine.
In short, both of your either-or views are negative. Not necessarily so.

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The reason I am on the forum is for the first time in my life, I am not able to forget somebody/move on easily. I have good and bad experiences in the past but they don't seem to help at all. I find it hard to get her out of my head!

On the other side, She invited me to her place and gave me hints that she desires me, verbally and body language. My gut feelings say no even for casual sex ( there is something not right having sex with her) but something else says yes.
Am I emotionally affected by some primal psychology or what?

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Originally Posted by Jason53

The reason I am on the forum is for the first time in my life, I am not able to forget somebody/move on easily. I have good and bad experiences in the past but they don't seem to help at all. I find it hard to get her out of my head!

On the other side, She invited me to her place and gave me hints that she desires me, verbally and body language. My gut feelings say no even for casual sex ( there is something not right having sex with her) but something else says yes.
Am I emotionally affected by some primal psychology or what?

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Oh come on, you are kidding right! She is desiring you, if you read that right, and you rebuffed her!

You my dear should not even be considering a relationship.

Primal psychology??

Oh, Jason, Jason, Jason... I don't even know where to start!

This sounds more like a casual friendship between a man and a woman than a relationship. I think you are reading WAY too much into this and over reacting.

Primal psychology? Are you a psych major?

You seem to be wasting your time and not dealing with your own baggage while she has her own that you don't seem to understand. You simply have not had the honest talking and listening required to work together.

Neither of you is ready for a long term commitment at this stage so stop focusing your romantic needs on her and seek other options or opportunities of which it seems you have NONE.

When you have gone six months and have made no resolutions then you either are not ready or you have simply chosen the wrong partner. Since you don't understand each other then you simply stop chasing her. End of discussion.

Take what she gives you with no strings attached or leave her alone. Make a decision and follow through, one way or another. Just me,I would be having fun getting to know her with no strings attached, but I am not one who has a problem moving on when things ain't fun, or working out. I am also willing to take a chance on failing completely, and coping with the emotional fall out that follows.

You don't seem to have these skills, because of your inability to deal with YOURSELF and your personal conflicts, so have no way to deal with HER conflicts. Now you may want love, but fact is, you are not ready for the work that's required and she is making you work for it.

I mean consider she is as afraid as you are of failing at another relationship and wants to go very slow, to see what you do about and handle your own business. So stop reading words, and body language and fretting over every single situation and lighten up on yourself, and enjoy it or let it go.

Above all stop playing mind and heart games with yourself. Doesn't matter what her game is. All that matters is what YOU do about it. Make a decision. Learn to talk and LISTEN.

You need to stop trying to figure everything out and psychoanalyzing every move from which errand she runs first to whatever. Rather, just talk to the woman and tell her, "I'm confused about what we're doing - can you help me out with this? This is where I stand..." Don't beat around the bush then. Be clear, such as, "I enjoy dating you and would like to continue dating you but also believe in going slowly when a child is involved." Or, "I'd like for us to be clear whether we're friends, or dating, or whether you've decided to move on and stop hanging out with me. I'm hoping for a dating relationship with you."

If she's not clear on the kind of relationship she wants, follow up with a question of what she wants you to do. "Do you want me to disappear and leave the ball in your court? Should I invite you on dates? Should I call once in a while?" This is just to find out what she wants. Then the second part is determining if you are OK with what she wants, and whether it's what you want.

I think OP is a very insecure person.

I would not say I rebuffed her, I stayed quiet and ignore her invitation.
In the past 2 years, women who like me only want to sleep with me, no one wants any relationship ( I have everything I need as a man - resources etc). I feel that they will just used me. So sleeping will not make me feel better, I feel empty and unhappy instead.

Maybe you have not found the one for you yet, and should be not trying to make the wrong ones into the right ones. That does mean learning the very valuable skill of letting go, and moving on and coping with your own emotional fall out.

Many times we make ourselves unhappy by looking for love in the wrong place. Or following our lust that we think is love. LOL, we often learn after a few months of dating that the lust can fade quickly and there is nothing left to build on.

At that point, we stop dating. Move on. If we are lucky, we make friends. Maybe not the next day, but down the road a ways. If not, we keep it moving.

Why are you making things so hard on yourself.

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Originally Posted by Jason53

I would not say I rebuffed her, I stayed quiet and ignore her invitation.
In the past 2 years, women who like me only want to sleep with me, no one wants any relationship ( I have everything I need as a man - resources etc). I feel that they will just used me. So sleeping will not make me feel better, I feel empty and unhappy instead.

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If I were dating a guy I really liked, and he wanted to hold back for a while before making it a sexual relationship because he was looking for a relationship rather than a one-night stand, I would be very pleased to hear it. I'd need to hear it though or I might be confused by his reaction and feel rejected. I think a hug on the first date, maybe a kiss on the cheek, is really nice. By the second date, if we're connecting, I would hope the man would go for the good night kiss. By a third date, if he didn't try to kiss me I'd wonder why. If you wait too long to make some kind of move, you can end up in that "friend zone" that's hard to get out of.

I would especially be confused if I thought that the guy was too shy or lacking in confidence to make the move, but then rejected me when I made the move. I would think that either he was gay, or found me unattractive. Neither would lead me to want another date and if I liked the guy he's quickly be in that "friend zone".

There's nothing wrong with telling a girl, "I really see long-term relationship potential with you - that's what I'm hoping for and I'd like to take things slowly. I want to treat you with the respect you deserve." That will tell her, "Oh - he's not rejecting me and he's not gay - he's a gentleman! Wow! Lucky me!"