Growing up, I was the shy, unathletic, skinny white boy with buck teeth and glasses. I lacked the confidence to do what I wanted to. I took the dive into the deep end and tried sports and music, and found I enjoyed them.

The music faded away, but I continued in sports. I read somewhere that to build confidence, you should reinforce your strengths to yourself and build upon them. Worked like a charm. My confidence and skills exploded. I ended up with a college scholarship. Thing is, the reinforcing my strengths and accomplishments spread to telling other people.

I just broke up with someone who had the grace to kindly tell me she felt I just wanted to tell her about me rather than get to know her. We didn't really click together, but I have never met a woman that impressed me with every aspect of her life. I know she is right about what she said.

At the same time, she said I was one of the best guys she had ever met: kind, considerate, good mannered, funny. We're still friends, and she wanted to introduce me to some of her girl friends because she knows I'm a good person, and will be a good man if it worked out with any of them.

I many to make sure I don't miss out on anything the next time I meet someone like her, so where do I start? I worked hard for my accomplishments, but it's a really big reality deal that something I started so long ago that has helped me become who I am has decayed to something holding me back. I feel lost for the first time in a long time.

Any advice would be highly appreciated. Thank you.

Confidence is not self centered,

But many people often go from one extreme to the other, sinner to extreme saint complex, worker to lazy and so on.

You need to know that it is great that this worked for you, and tell anyone or everyone once, but don't dwell on it. Have pride in yourself, and don't also live in the past, this is what you did before to change,

The sadist thing at a high school reunion is the men who relive their high school or college football or sports, as the high point of their life, So after sports, what have you done with your life?

My first suggestion is to send your ex some flowers, with a thank you letter. Don't lose her friendship, and ask her to tell you more insights about what is self-centered about you (while keeping tabs on how she is doing of course, since that's a good way to begin your new life as a person who cares about others).

There are a lot of pithy sayings about egotism and vanity being covers for insecurity. A lot in psychology literature too. I'm not saying that you are just a step away from that shy awkward kid, just something to think about. It's possible that you are just very proud of yourself and expect a lot from others. But if you want the love and friendship of others, you get outside of yourself. It's actually not difficult to make a conscious effort to not talk about yourself, while asking the other person to talk all about him or herself. Throw in a little agreement with a one liner about yourself once in a while. Think of it as an exercise not unlike the ones you undertook to overcome your childhood.

Sports actually have become my life. I majored in Sport Management and work full time as a Tennis Pro, though tennis is my second sport, competitive rifle shooting is where I really excelled.

I got into coaching so I could give to others what my coaches game to me growing up: discipline, a sense of what hard work is, and I love to put them in a position where they can succeed if they make the right decisions. I mainly teach kids that are 12 or younger so I can instill these traits in them before they get that teenager attitude.

Thing is, I'm not reliving my high school or college days. I've had success in rifle and coaching since then that trump my high school and college experiences.

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Originally Posted by joypulv

My first suggestion is to send your ex some flowers, with a thank you letter. Don't lose her friendship, and ask her to tell you more insights about what is self-centered about you (while keeping tabs on how she is doing of course, since that's a good way to begin your new life as a person who cares about others).

There are a lot of pithy sayings about egotism and vanity being covers for insecurity. A lot in psychology literature too. I'm not saying that you are just a step away from that shy awkward kid, just something to think about. It's possible that you are just very proud of yourself and expect a lot from others. But if you want the love and friendship of others, you get outside of yourself. It's actually not difficult to make a conscious effort to not talk about yourself, while asking the other person to talk all about him or herself. Throw in a little agreement with a one liner about yourself once in a while. Think of it as an exercise not unlike the ones you undertook to overcome your childhood.

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She's gone home for the holidays, but I took her to dinner the night before she left, that's when we talked. We're planning to play some tennis tournaments after the new year. We met about 15 months ago when I started giving her lessons. I didn't ask her out until September this year, and we only dated until November. I'm also teaching her to string and we plan to hit when our scheduled align.

I am closer to the shy kid than I realized before we talked, but I think it's a good thing that I wasn't scared or frightened by that realization. What did kick me in the gut is that I think I have pushed other friends away with my big head. The secondary issue is that she was the most incredible women I have ever had interested in me, and I wonder the possibilities. She said we probably didn't connect because we didn't click. I wonder if we didn't click because I didn't make the effort to connect with her.

Being confident in yourself is one thing, being self centred and arrogant is another. One doesn't necessarily lead to the other.

If your ex perceives that all you want to do is talk about is you, then there may be something in that. Although it is often said that what some people don't like in others is a reflection of themselves.

Don't allow other people's opinions of you hold you back. What other people think of you is none of your business.

Just be your authentic self and you will attract authentic people to you. It may mean that this amazing lady is not the one for you, on the other hand, it may be that she will see a new side of you.

Stop trying to please other people, it doesn't work and you just end up miserable. Be you, that is all you can be.