Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend and I have great sex but..

Me and my boyfriend have been having sex for about two months now. He was my first. Since the first time sex has been awesome, and as I get more and more comfortable with him it just seems to get better. I honestly have nothing to complain about, every time we have sex we go 3-4 times, and every time he lasts 25-45 minutes. I truly enjoy it. The only problem is that I haven't had an orgasm.

As I'm new to this sex topic, I don't know if maybe it's too early to have one? Since I've been sexually active for only two months and we have done it about 8 times only. I really don't know what to do, and I don't want to talk to him about it without informing myself first.

Is it normal that even though I really enjoy it, I never have an orgasm? Thanks a lot! Any advice appreciated!

Yes its normal and often expected to enjoy sex without orgasms. Thaey may come later, as you get more familiar with your body and your likes from exploring and experimenting. Then you will know better what to do for yourself, and your partner.

Enjoy the learning.

No, this is not normal. It simply means he doesn't really know what he is doing! He is out for himself. If you think it's so great, just imagine what it would be like if you did have climax!
Any good relationship is based on trust, faith, respect, and a willingness to talk about anything. I am 70 yrs old, married 30 years. Please ask him to talk about this.
If you can't ask him, then PLEASE go looking for someone else. You are missing out on one of the best pleasures in life. He is having all the pleasure, and you none so far. I do wish you the best. If he really cared for you, he would be trying to please you in every way he can. If he can't tell you aren't having an orgasm, then he really is either dumb, or just doesn't care.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredg

No, this is not normal. It simply means he doesn't really know what he is doing! He is out for himself. If you think it's so great, just imagine what it would be like if you did have climax!
Any good relationship is based on trust, faith, respect, and a willingness to talk about anything. I am 70 yrs old, married 30 years. Please ask him to talk about this.
If you can't ask him, then PLEASE go looking for someone else. You are missing out on one of the best pleasures in life. He is having all the pleasure, and you none so far. I do wish you the best. If he really cared for you, he would be trying to please you in every way he can. If he can't tell you aren't having an orgasm, then he really is either dumb, or just doesn't care.

Are you saying that orgasm through penetration is the norm? If so, I've been sexually active for more than half my life, far more than half. I'm not a prude, I know my body, I have a husband (married for 17 years) and we have a very open honest relationship, but I can honestly say, not in all the years I've had sex, have I ever had an orgasm through penetration alone.

Your post is so wrong it's sad.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

Are you saying that orgasm through penetration is the norm? Your post is so wrong it's sad.

Where did he say that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Where did he say that?

He didn't actually say that. But he did say that a couple that's only been sexually active for 2 months, have had sex 8 times total, should split up because the male can't bring her to orgasm.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

He didn't actually say that. But he did say that a couple that's only been sexually active for 2 months, have had sex 8 times total, should split up because the male can't bring her to orgasm.

Then please don't accuse him of saying that. Yes, he was a bit extreme and impatient. Let's hope his thoughts will give them food for thought to find ways to explore. Others will zoom in to give her specific how-to tips.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Then please don't accuse him of saying that. Yes, he was a bit extreme and impatient. Let's hope his thoughts will give them food for thought to find ways to explore. Others will zoom in to give her specific how-to tips.

Food for thought?

What food? Split up because you've only had sex 8 times and the inexperienced young boy can't get you to orgasm? That food?

I'm unsubscribing, You and Fred seem to think you have this thread under control. So be it.

Good luck OP, you'll need it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by fredg

No, this is not normal. It simply means he doesn't really know what he is doing! He is out for himself. If you think it's so great, just imagine what it would be like if you did have climax!
Any good relationship is based on trust, faith, respect, and a willingness to talk about anything. I am 70 yrs old, married 30 years. Please ask him to talk about this.
If you can't ask him, then PLEASE go looking for someone else. You are missing out on one of the best pleasures in life. He is having all the pleasure, and you none so far. I do wish you the best. If he really cared for you, he would be trying to please you in every way he can. If he can't tell you aren't having an orgasm, then he really is either dumb, or just doesn't care.

Well I don't really care what anyone else says, but your advice is wrong.

It IS normal to not climax. It has nothing at all to do with him not caring. He most likey does care. If anything, he may care so much that he could be feeling discouraged or inadequate. So don't be so quick to answer or so quick to judge. Just because YOU can hit your wife's G spot, doesn't mean that all women can have orgasms.

OP, it is normal and it is common. Perhaps you should, if you haven't already, explore yout own body. Find out what you like, then guide him.

You are very normal for a woman of any age and experience. Frankly, our bodies aren't exactly built to get maximum pleasure from penetration. Different angles, positions, etc. can help but what helps most is being extremely mentally stimulated. Even then, toys, fingers, oral, etc. may be needed before you climax with your partner.

Keep in mind that the female orgasm begins in the brain. As our brains get aroused it stimulates our bodies. When our bodies respond to the mental stimulation it sets up a feedback loop that builds on itself until we climax.

As you become more experienced and comfortable with sex, it can become easier for your brain and body to get in sync. Experimentation and not putting pressure on yourself to climax will also help.

You are in a very new relationship and sex may be fairly frequent right now. Don't be upset or surprised if it tapers off or if he doesn't last as long. It is quite common and usually only means that you both have lives outside the bedroom.

I hope that you are knowledgeable enough about sex that you are using as effective a birth control method as you can. I also hope you do understand that no form of birth control is 100% effective.

Be careful and have fun experimenting.

It's perfectly fine to not orgasm, as long as you're not letting that get in the way of enjoying yourself.

The female body is complicated, and female arousal and orgasm is even more complicated. Not all women orgasm from penetration. Not all orgasm from oral. Not all orgasm from clitoral stimulation. Not all orgasm, at all. It's ALL normal.

You are probably part of the VAST majority of women unable to orgasm from just penetration. That doesn't mean either of you is doing anything wrong. It doesn't mean he doesn't care about your pleasure, since some men have never experienced a woman orgasming during sex, and therefore have NO idea what it feels/looks like. It doesn't mean your relationship is in trouble. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

It means you don't orgasm from penetration. So what? Neither do a LOT of other women, who still have perfectly enjoyable sex lives. If you can orgasm during masturbation, then take the time to analyze what causes it. If you can't, then keep trying. Either way, tell him what you like. Give him directions and feedback when he does something right, so he'll do it again.

In the end, what matters is that you enjoy yourself. It's possible to have a fully enjoyable sex life without ever having an orgasm. Instead of seeing orgasm as the goal of sex, see it as a bonus. Just have fun.

Sex is about enjoying yourself with another person. It shouldn't be about feeling pressured to do anything the 'right' way. There IS no right way, because ever person, relationship, and encounter is different. What works for you, may not work for me. What works today, may not work tomorrow. What works with your current partner may not work with future partners. There is no wrong way to have sex, as long as everyone is legal, consenting, and enjoying themselves.

Don't panic if your sex life changes. It probably will. When the shiny newness wears off, things will probably calm down and level off a bit. That just means your relationship has gotten to a level of comfort where outside concerns will sometimes take precedence, without worrying about it damaging your relationship. Life happens, and it can and will impact your sex life.

All I can say, and I do agree with Alty, but also enjoying sex is not just about having an orgasm. Enjoying sex is also about sharing the ultimate intimacy with your partner and even if not having an orgasm yourself, enjoying the experience by making sure your partner is satisfied.

fredg, what planet do you live on ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by tickle

All I can say, and I do agree with Alty, but also enjoying sex is not just about having an orgasm. Enjoying sex is also about sharing the ultimate intimacy with your partner and even if not having an orgasm yourself, enjoying the experience by making sure your partner is satisfied.

fredg, what planet do you live on ?

I was only able to give you one greenie for this. I wish I could give you unlimited greenies. Well said. :)