I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half, he was a very jealous guy and he wudnt like it when guys complimented me and the fact that I had many guy friends made him go crazy... I was also a flirty girl but I knew my limits and ever since being with him I never rele flirted around. Buh he is verry obssessive, he would have his friends spying on me all the time and his friends would tell him what I'm doing and who I'm with and so on.. Ive gotten to the point where I wasn't even allowed to talk or hang out with my guy friends and whenever I wanted space he'd think I don't love him or anything.. I ve broken up with him several times and no matter what he'd beg and cry for me to stay, he's given me so many things and so many letters and he'd always talk about the future, how I'm going to marry him and have kids.. :| I'm only 16!. I always tell him to focuse on what we have now, buh then he thinks I don't want to be with him.. I remember he use to check my computer's chat logs where my conversations would be saved and he'd read them, at times he'd want to check my emails too.. and just recently his own mother read my diary that I left there when I went to a trip with them and told my boyfriend that I had written a lot of things about him and so on... the fact that his own mother did that made me feel rele angry because out of all people I didn't expect that.. so now I have lost all my trust in them.. today he's told me that when my birthday comes, he was going to propose to me, and that's also going to be 2 yrs being together.. buh I stopped him after a long talk.. im not very happy being in this relationship.. I want out of it buh he never gets the point and I feel so depressed and as if I'm stuck... I can't even smile anymore... Right now he is currently in europe and he's coming back to canada in June after my exams.. im scared because I prefer he stays with his parents in europe, and when he comes back I won't have any space.. I asked for so many breaks so I can clear my head buh he would always interfere by calling me every 10 minutes that my mom had no choice buh to answer and no excuse would work.. im very frustrated and I wish I was strong enough to tell him I don't want to be in this relationship anymore, he does anything for me to stay, hed buy me clothes, jewelry, flowers, anything... and I feel so guilty that its also keeping me from breaking up... Im young at the moment and I rele don't want him to propose to me when I'm 17... I have so much ahead of me and I had spent a year and half with him without taking one breath, I had done so much for him because I feel obligated to stay with him... I rele need help... :(

Never ever ever stay with somebody because you feel obligated to. You will never ever truly be happy. Your not happy now. You do not have any privacy. All the materlistic objects and gifts that he could give you will never make you as happy as being your own person and having your own privacy.

You should feel happy and excited and the way your feeling now, does happen in relationships. All of them but it is up to you whether it is worth sticking it out for.

You need to let him know that you are not happy anymore. You do not want to see him anymore and that it is over. If you do not you will always be a prisoner. You're to young for any of this worry.

This person is very obsessive and very controlling and for him to get people to follow you around and spy on you and looking through your diary while your away. It is a sick sick situation.

Break from from this maniac and live life to the fullest the way you want. Spend time enjoying your life instead of looking over your shoulder.

Are you ever worried about your safety? Just be careful no matter what happens but this guy has abusive qualities.

Hope this helps you.

Joe

Yes I'm I get rele worried... I'm scared he could even hurt himself because with his last girlfriend she had the same problem and he tried to hurt himself so that she would stay with him.. and now I'm in the same situation except he's told me wudnt do such thing. He's a rele sweet guy and everything buh he manipulates me... Ive tried to break up with him so many times and gave him chances to change and now he says he has buh I don't want to be with him and I have no idea what to tell him... Im just worried and afraid...
And thank you very much for your help, I rele needed advice big time

If your worried about him harming you or himself. Restraining order is important. If your worried about him hurting himself, you need to let him make his own decision. Emotional black mail that is what it is. If you tell him your not happy, you do not want to continue with him. He throws out the idea of him hurting himself to make you feel guilty. You need to understand this is no way to be happy or live life. You need to move on no matter what he threatens to do. Obvously he is still here even after his last girlfriend. Just remember that.

Stop worrying about him. Truth and honesty is most important. You will be happier because of it. If this guy does do anything stupid then you need to realize that it has nothing to do with you but only with his selfiousness.

Good luck with everything.

Fly free like a bird.

Joe

I'd just like to add a sentence to Joe's Answer:

Don't worry about his feelings, because he obviously doesn't care about yours.

I can only re-iterate what the others have said.

This guy is a control freak, he uses emotional blackmail to get what he wants. He uses the threat of physical violence to get what he wants.
This is NO way to make a relationship work.

Relationships are built on honesty, respect, trust & love. He has none of these for you.

You need to be strong in your decisions. Get yourself free of him. Get some help doing this if you need to, from a friend or parent.

Live your life for you. Have fun being young while you can. There's plenty of others out there who will give you the respect you deserve.

I wish you well
Moomin

You don't have to feel obligated to do anything. Your tooooo young to be involved like this - marriage @ 17... what? People like this can turn into abusers. Live your life, meet new guys and tell this one to get a life (strategically) without hurting.

If you want to stay then talk to him about what he is doing and how its harming your relationship. I began to become a bit of smotherer at one point with my ex. The more I did it the more she withdrew and the worse I got. I think Its because her cheating and constant hot and cold with me and the fact she wasn't ready for what I wanted. Yeh so we broke up! But despite all this I never gave up my hobbies etc - rather allot which I do have.

But common, self harm? He needs to get a life, some hobbies etc.

This is an unhealthy situation to be in and if he can't understand what your telling him, then enlist the aid of another friend, adult or parent, to help you breakaway from this control freak.

You've had some great advice. This guy needs to grow up and learn some lessons of life. This is really unhealthy for you.

Find a guy who understands boundries.

Unless and until you figure out what's in this for you and change that, you will be inclined to accept the unacceptable and complain at length to no avail about it. You trap yourself by becoming too weak to leave and don't bother to find sources of strength to help you. That is the classic "victim" part that is played here. I'm sorry to sound harsh but that is really how this works.

The part you are not seeing is he is not going to change. If he was, he would have already done so by now. But the same can be said for you -- which is why I wrote that very first sentence (you might read it again and give it some sincere thought). I hope for your sake you can see how this is all orchestrated. As long as you are willing to stay, the game is on, truly. I hope you find the exit door for yourself. That is the only way out.

No, you guys are right, although it may be harsh its something I need to realize. I am a very weak person and I can give in easily, I got myself into this mess because I was too nice and it took him 3 tries to ask me out until I gave in... Now I have to get out it even if it hurts me or knowing it'll hurt him also. Hes a nice guy and everything buh he does use his emotions against me, and he tells me that if there is ever a problem to tell him buh I have done that and he never takes it good.. he'd end up crying to me or something. I never realized such things can do so much harm to a person, obssessiveness and so on, buh this has taught me a lot. Still I need to be strong and confront him. I made myself stay with him and put lies in my head to rele think I love him buh this wasn't even love. I really appreciate your help and it has made me realize a lot. At the moment I need to find my courage and strength to tell him what's he's doing, buh I'm just scared I'm going to become weak againn

And I have told my sister and close friend about this and they have been very helpful, buh my mom is someone that isn't very understanding so its hard to talk to her, that's y I came here for help...

Its going to hurt him a lot! But this is about you not him, do what is right for yourself and not anyone else. Tell him why you are ending it and be honest with him and say it will be best for him to move on with his life and abide by no contact.

Good luck and let us know what happens

Im the long run it will be good for him as well. He needs to learn how to deal with women. He needs to get a life and not make his gal his life.

Well done on your realisation. Just one thing that will get you a little further in life. Please, PLEASE stop typing buh when you mean but :)

Sorry! It's a habbit lol
BUT I will imform all of you what happens. He recently called me and he seemed very upset because eim so far away and he said I sounded distant. But I need time so I can really tell him what I'm feeling

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Originally Posted by 3xquisiteLat

no, u guys are right, althought it may be harsh its something i need to realize. I am a very weak person and i can give in easily

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No offense here sweetie but weak is often another way of saying "I don't want to take responsibility for who and how I am". I don't know if this is true about you -- only you can be the judge of that. But if its true, this isn't good.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 3xquisiteLat

i got myself into this mess because i was too nice

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Now I see here you are taking responsibility for some of it, which is good but your definition of nice sounds a bit out of whack. Nice doesn't allow for you to be abused or for him to continue in ways that are harmful to you both, does it? Nice people take care of themselves, I thought.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 3xquisiteLat

Now i have to get out it even if it hurts me or knowing itll hurt him also.

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Yes, you do and the sooner you quit fiddling around about it, the better.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 3xquisiteLat

Hes a nice guy and everything buh he does use his emotions against me, and he tells me that if there is ever a problem to tell him buh i have done that and he never takes it good..

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Here again is a screwed up definition of "nice" -- nice guys don't manipulate like this, honey. Abusers do! Get this straightened out in your mind.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 3xquisiteLat

this has taught me alot. Still i need to be strong and confront him.

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Wait, have you really learned here? Haven't you already confronted him and it turns out poorly? Haven't you already said you just need to leave? Are you even listening to YOU?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 3xquisiteLat

i made myself stay with him and put lies in my head to rele think i love him buh this wasnt even love. I really appreciate your help and it has made me realize alot. at the moment i need to find my courage and strength to tell him whats hes doing, buh im just scared im gonna become weak againn

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Don't tell him a thing except goodbye. Then get yourself some help with how much you portray the willing target of an abuser, okay? I am serious.

This is what he says to me.. and it affects me a lot..
-=/MiKe/=-(L) )Loving stefy( (L) - Happy Anniversary babygirl. To a year and a half of love and happyness! (L)93 painful days says:
By the way I know you said people can't change just like that and all buh I promise you right now I'm a really big excepttion to that, I pormise you with everything I have that ill prove it to you baba (L) I don't want to lose you over the past, ill show you how I am now and will be forever
-=/MiKe/=-(L) )Loving stefy( (L) - Happy Anniversary babygirl. To a year and a half of love and happyness! (L)93 painful days says:
Get your head clear and everything I'm all for it, buh don't do anything irrational :( I just need that chance to prove it when I'm with you, let these 3 months be a break from each other buh still showing each other we love each other
-=/MiKe/=-(L) )Loving stefy( (L) - Happy Anniversary babygirl. To a year and a half of love and happyness! (L)93 painful days says:
I know the past effects you and I know I've really screwed up, buh I've really changed and I want to show you it

I'm just showing all of you this to see an example of what he says to me everyday

-=/MiKe/=-(L) )Loving stefy( (L) - Happy Anniversary babygirl. To a year and a half of love and happyness! (L)93 painful days says:
I'm sure you love me, and I'm sure you want to be with me I don't doubt that.. but I also want you to realise that yourself :( because I know its not an obligation and I don't want it to be one, I want it to be from your heart but I know that deep inside you love me to death and feel the same way
-=/MiKe/=-(L) )Loving stefy( (L) - Happy Anniversary babygirl. To a year and a half of love and happyness! (L)93 painful days says:
The past has you really messed up :( and I want you to clear your mind of all the bad things

Mmm? What is he trying to do the guilt trip? 'i know you love be deep down' I kind of feel a bit nauseous reading that.

Don't do a break, do a complete split.

Jiser, you're not nauseous to me :)

Oh, he knows your feelings better than you do now? Nobody can claim that. Your feelings are what they are and what you feel.

I still say you don't need this in your life. Get out of there.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Capuchin

Jiser, you're not nauseous to me :)

Oh, he knows your feelings better than you do now? Nobody can claim that. Your feelings are what they are and what you feel.

I still say you don't need this in your life. Get out of there.

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Get out of there and do not take any guilt trips that is a dirty trick.

Joe