Ask Me Help Desk - Confussed on what to do

Confussed on what to do

Can someone please help me my boyfriend is telling me he feels bad cause he can't spend heaps of time and he says he feels he is disapointting me cause of that reason I have told him that I don't care too much that he can't spend heaps of time with me cause I know he is very busy with work. And now he is saying he doesn't know what he wants other then us both to be happy. I love him so much and don't want to lose him to this but he just can't seem to see that he means the world to me. I have told him if he needs space I will give it to him so he cn think things through (btw he has depression and I am worried) what should I do? Should I leave him alone so he can sort everything out? Or should I do something to show him that I do truly love him and want to be with him weather he has time or not. Also this is his first realationship he is 27 I am 20

Please help me I don't want to lose him

Is this the same guy you are thinking of giving a commitment ring too?? If so, you say that you told him that if he needs space you will give it to him, then you're going to follow that up with a commitment ring?? Bad timing, sweetie.

I think you need to lay off a bit and let him come to his own conclusions. Perhaps he is finding you a bit immature, so why don't you concentrate on filling the time he can't spend with you on keeping yourself so busy that you don't miss him and he doesn't feel guilty?

It sounds like he has a lot going on with his depression issues. You trying to make him see that he means the world to you might just push him away! Relax a bit, let what happens happen. Stop trying to push things, give him space and fill in your free time so he sees that you are capable of dealing with his absences.

Didi

So your saying sit back and relax and let things happen

I've just read some of your other posts and with this one it just seems to me that he might be interested but not as interested as you are. I sort of get the feeling that your smothering him or maybe because of the excitement of this being your first relationship you might be pushing him further sooner than he wants to go. Just pull back a little and as you state above "let things happen."

Quote:

Originally Posted by dulla_girl

so your saying sit back and relax and let things happen

Yeppers! I also think you need to find other healthier things to fill your time and mind.

Didi

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

I've just read some of your other posts and with this one it just seems to me that he might be interested but not as interested as you are. I sort of get the feeling that your smothering him or maybe because of the excitement of this being your first relationship you might be pushing him further sooner than he wants to go. Just pull back a little and as you state above "let things happen."

This isn't my first realationship its his I just feel if I pull back too much he will think I am not interested in him anymore

I would stick around and show him how you are always there for him. Especially that he is depressed he needs reassurance more than us every now and then, probably even if he denies it.

Love him and cherish him.

Find yourself a happy medium with him.

Thanks... althou I have only had 1 relationship whom I am now married to him, I have been through a lot in 8 years with him as you can imagine :) so where I know I can help... I help.

Thanks heaps people I thought I knew what I needed to do but Krs you have reassures me that I knew what to do all along I am going to be there for him

Thanks heaps again

My pleasure, any time. X

Quote:

Originally Posted by dulla_girl

can someone please help me my boyfriend is telling me he feels bad cause he can't spend heaps of time and he says he feels he is disapointting me cause of that reason i have told him that i dont care too much that he can't spend heaps of time with me cause i know he is very busy with work. And now he is saying he doesnt know what he wants other then us both to be happy. I love him so much and dont want to lose him to this but he just can't seem to see that he means the world to me. I have told him if he needs space i will give it to him so he cn think things through (btw he has depression and iam worried) what should i do?? should i leave him alone so he can sort everything out?? or should i do something to show him that i do truly love him and want to be with him weather he has time or not. also this is his first realationship he is 27 iam 20

please help me i dont want to lose him

Maybe you should show him in some kind of way that you really do love him eg; text him out of the blue (example)" Hey Guess What......... Love You!!!!"

See how that goes I know when my partner sends me them I feel awesome and when I send them to her she tells me she feels awesome too.

Just a thought

Hey that's a good idea he tells me when he gets massages from me it makes his day to know I am thinking of him

Or a little poem on text.. my hubby and I do that (again out of blue) something on the lines of roses are red, violets are blue... (then you can be creative, and be saucy, or romantic etc) ;)

Hehe sounds very sweet I shall try it

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

I've just read some of your other posts and with this one it just seems to me that he might be interested but not as interested as you are. I sort of get the feeling that your smothering him or maybe because of the excitement of this being your first relationship you might be pushing him further sooner than he wants to go. Just pull back a little and as you state above "let things happen."

That's cool cuff I was just trying corest it so that maybe I could get more advise from people and they wouldn't get mixed messages

It sounds like you have a good handle on the situation. Ultimately there's really nothing you can do to "show him that you truly love him and want to be with him." It sounds like you've already communicated your feelings. Ultimately he has to handle his own conflicts regarding the situation, whatever they may be. Others will tell you, and rightfully so, that it's not healthy to be spending too much time together and smothering each other, so really that shouldn't even be an issue.

Yea I have thought about what people have said to me about the situation and I didn't even realise I had the situation in hand already, yea we will never have the problem of smothing each other from spending too much time together but is there such a bad thing about not spending not enough time together? That can be fixed before it came a problem