Ask Me Help Desk - "It's All About Sex With You!"

"It's All About Sex With You!"

My boyfriend doesn't make moves, give me compliments, or initiate sex.

He says I want it too much and everything leads to it. He says he doesn't kiss me because it'll eventually lead to sex.

Yeah, I have a high sex drive. That shouldn't warrant such a bad attitude from a man, should it?

I've been laying off for a long time for his sake, to hold off arguments, but I'm extremely frustrated.

Why do you stay with him?
How old are the two of you?

This is a simple case of the two of you clashing. He apparently doesn't enjoy sex, doesn't want sex, and you do. Neither one of you are wrong, and neither one of you are right. You're just incompatible.

So it comes down to talking about it with him, and seeing if you two can meet in the middle, where you're both happy. If you can't do that, then you need to find someone that will, or that has the same goals and desires you do.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Why do you stay with him?
How old are the two of you?

I'm 18, he's 24. I stay because I'm confused and lonely.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

This is a simple case of the two of you clashing. He apparently doesn't enjoy sex, doesn't want sex, and you do. Neither one of you are wrong, and neither one of you are right. You're just incompatible.

So it comes down to talking about it with him, and seeing if you two can meet in the middle, where you're both happy. If you can't do that, then you need to find someone that will, or that has the same goals and desires you do.

I'm afraid that if I bring it up, he'll use it against me or claim that I take for granted the other things he does for me.

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Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx

I'm afraid that if I bring it up, he'll use it against me or claim that I take for granted the other things he does for me.

Why are you acting like you have no power? C'mon, girl!

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why are you acting like you have no power? C'mon, girl!

You know what? You're absolutely right. Why am I still here? I should be taking the advice I ask for.

Well if you are confused and lonely, you need to get out of this confusing and lonely relationship.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx

I'm afraid that if I bring it up, he'll use it against me or claim that I take for granted the other things he does for me.

And if he does, than so what? If you're not happy, and you can't talk to him about it, then why are you with him?

Communication is the most important part of any relationship. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend. If you can't talk to your best friend for fear of him using what you say against you, or making you feel guilt, then you really have to ask yourself why you're with him.

You have options. If you're not happy in this relationship, and you can't talk to him about what makes you unhappy, then leave. Find someone that's better suited for you, someone that you can talk to.

I agree with WG, take back control of your life. Use the power you have to make your life what you choose to make it. You're giving him all the power. You know it's bad when you're afraid to even talk to him about your relationship with him.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well if you are confused and lonely, you need to get out of this confusing and lonely relationship.

Indeed I do. It's easier said than done, but nothing worth doing is ever "easy".

Thank you for the advice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

And if he does, than so what? If you're not happy, and you can't talk to him about it, then why are you with him?

Communication is the most important part of any relationship. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend. If you can't talk to your best friend for fear of him using what you say against you, or making you feel guilt, then you really have to ask yourself why you're with him.

You have options. If you're not happy in this relationship, and you can't talk to him about what makes you unhappy, then leave. Find someone that's better suited for you, someone that you can talk to.

I agree with WG, take back control of your life. Use the power you have to make your life what you choose to make it. You're giving him all the power. You know it's bad when you're afraid to even talk to him about your relationship with him.

I never noticed I was giving him so much power, but now that I see it, it's both frightening and embarrassing. There's a lot I need to correct.

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx

Indeed I do. It's easier said than done, but nothing worth doing is ever "easy".

Thank you for the advice.

It won't be easy, not at all, and every person answering knows that. There isn't a person on this Earth that hasn't had to make a tough decision, or that hasn't had a broken heart.

But you will survive, and frankly, I think that years from now you'll look back, and you'll turn to the guy you're with (who is compatible, your best friend, lover, and everything) and you'll thank your lucky stars that you had the guts to walk away from this.

I'd bet on it. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx

I never noticed I was giving him so much power, but now that I see it, it's both frightening and embarrassing. There's a lot I need to correct.

Don't be embarrassed. Every thing we do in life teaches us, and leads us to where we're supposed to be. Live and learn.

You're young, you'll make mistakes, and you'll learn from them. Every experience, good or bad, will get you to where you're supposed to be. Of course, you do have a say in your future, and only you can take control of that.

So take that control, learn from this, and move on to bigger and better things. Take your power back, it's yours, and no one has the right to take it from you. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

It won't be easy, not at all, and each and every person answering knows that. There isn't a person on this Earth that hasn't had to make a tough decision, or that hasn't had a broken heart.

But you will survive, and frankly, I think that years from now you'll look back, and you'll turn to the guy you're with (who is compatible, your best friend, lover, and everything) and you'll thank your lucky stars that you had the guts to walk away from this.

I'd bet on it. :)

This gives me a lot of hope and a lot of encouragement and I thank you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alty

Don't be embarrassed. Every thing we do in life teaches us, and leads us to where we're supposed to be. Live and learn.

You're young, you'll make mistakes, and you'll learn from them. Every experience, good or bad, will get you to where you're supposed to be. Of course, you do have a say in your future, and only you can take control of that.

So take that control, learn from this, and move on to bigger and better things. Take your power back, it's yours, and no one has the right to take it from you. :)

:) I am feeling very empowered by all of this positivity. I appreciate your help dearly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx

This gives me a lot of hope and a lot of encouragement and I thank you.

You're more than welcome. I hope it works out, and we'll be here for any support you need. Stay strong. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by xIrishGirlx

This gives me a lot of hope and a lot of encouragement and I thank you.

And I know from reading your other posts that you can be strong enough to deal with this and to stick up for yourself and to head toward a better and more fulfilling life. This one is not fulfilling. Let us know how we can help. We are here for you.