When I was 16 yrs of age I got accepted into college. My friends threw me a get-together because coming from we grew up it was rare to get that. I had Protective sex with a 27yr old woman and the protection broke. Clearly we both recognize it was a mistake do to poor judgement an a BIG age difference. 10yrs later my wife gets a letter in the mail from the state about being named as her child possible father. The letter states I'm 1 of 4 an so far 2 of them has been cleared. Im happily married for 6yrs been with my wife for 9 with 3 beautiful children and great in laws. I can't put it in my heart to try to love someone I don't know. As a 16yr kid I made a very poor choice and I can not stop hating myself for it. What's even more upsetting is after 10yrs the only reason I was notified is because she gets government assistance for 7 kids and while pregnant with the youngest they cut her off medical. Im not going to risk damaging my family or confusing them for anyone that's a chance I won't take. Im Praying to God that I'm cleared once this test is back and Praying her child that he has to go through this.

And your legal question is..

What you have to do is follow through and get the DNA test that will prove you are or are not the child's father. Not much can be done or said before that has been done.

If this all happened before your wife, then the only problem that I see is that you MAY wind up having to pay child support. Obviously not something you want to get into at this point but if you do, you do. Take the test and move forward. If the kid is yours, pay. Too late to change things now. It doesn't mean you need to end it with your wife. It doesn't mean you need to run to this other woman. If your wife is understanding, she should realize that it was a mistake you made when you were younger. Who knows, you may even be cleared.

I do have to wonder about the legality of it all since it is possible that she could have technically raped you depending on age of consent where you were. I wonder if that even applies now. I would be interested to see someone with real legal knowledge answer this one.

That is one approach.

The other approach is that you accept responsibility and approach this more positively. Your wife already knows so that is a huge hurdle passed. You were 16 years old, you made a mistake, so live with it. Why beat yourself up for it? We all make mistakes and we have to live with those mistakes. So you have another child out there that needs loving and maybe some financial support. It seems to me, and this is only my opinion that the approach you have stated can only due harm to everyone around you including you.

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Originally Posted by odinn7;

I do have to wonder about the legality of it all since it is possible that she could have technically raped you depending on age of consent where you were. I wonder if that even applies now. I would be interested to see someone with real legal knowledge answer this one.

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It is doubtful that statutory rape would be a defense to a child support action. And the age of consent varies from state to state, we cannot tell if this would have been statutory rape without knowing what state in which it happened.

Have you called the agency that is involved in all of this and asked for any kind of proof that you are a potential father? The reason Im asking that is that many times they only go by a name and do a nationwide records search (public records) and send out letters hoping to find potential fathers. They don't look at lives they could ruin doing this in their greedy attempt to collect money.

If it turns out there is a legitimate reason for your name and person to come up then just respond and comply. Do not just sit there. Be proactive. Also if it is found that you have a child its your choice to participate in that child's life. (personal note) I would find a way to integrate the child into the life I already have. There is no shame in having a blended family.

If you're the father, you have responsibility in the situation. Take the paternity test, pay child support if it is owed and try to establish a relationship with the child. Pursue the avenue of statutory rape if you wish to mitigate your responsibility to pay support - it does seem when a grown woman has sex with a teenage boy, she should bear the financial responsibility for her actions. However, as others pointed out, it will depend on the laws in the area where the child resides. All you can do is stay honest with your wife, keep a positive attitude and if the test comes out positive, retain representation from a good attorney so that you know what your rights and responsibilities are in the situation.