Ask Me Help Desk - Here we go! Round two!

Well for those of you who are familiar. The ex, whom I want back and told that I could not have any contact with has again tried to get in touch with me. It was three text messages two days ago and a phone call today. None of which I answered by the way. Its so hard though! I'm not going to lie to any of you, I really want her back and she says she's enjoying her freedom right now. Her message today said, " hi, I just really wanted to ask you something but I know you don't want to talk, bye." My worry is maybe one of these times, she may say she's changed her mind and wants to try things again, and I won't answer. My sister brought up a good point though. My sister said," if its that important, if she wants to get back together she'll let you know. She has your e-mail, if you don't answer your phone, she'll e-mail you and tell you. Otherwise, she's just playing with you." I just want to know some opinions here. If what she has to say is so important, she'll find a way to convey what she needs too, right?? I'm so pathetic, sorry guys, I'm just being honest here.

Your sister is right.

What could it be that she must need to know so badly? If it was that important she would have asked you in the message.

She would have said "oh ace i just wanted to ask you where my watch is that i left at you house, its important to me and i kow you said you didnt want to talk but i need it back. Let me know. Thanks". But she didn't. She left a lame message so you would call her back. Seeing if she can still control you!!

Sister is right. She is playing games and if it is that important she will get hold of you.

She doesn't want you back. She wants to know she has you where she wants you. And that's firmly under her tight control. Well your not, and don't slip back into it.

She is being completely disrespectful and starting to show some true colours. She wants to have the single life and play up to all the other boys out there but she also wants to have control over you. Not the type of girl id want to be involved with! They have a name for her type where I'm from...

Yes your sister is so right. If there is really something that she wants to tell you she will. She is trying to make sure you are right where she wants you. You are doing the right thing by not returning her calls. Hang in there. I have been in your situation before and it pays to stay away for a while. She is still trying to control you. Keep the ball in your court.

If she needs to talk to you... as in soul-searching-NEEDS to talk to you, she'll work hard.

She might even work hard just to make sure she still has you hooked. Just because she pesters you until you cave doesn't mean she really NEEDS you.

So... the problem is when do you know she wants you and when is she just playing you?

That is the million dollar question. Half the problem is that she probably doesn't even know herself. She might miss you when she really just misses the convenience of your attention.

So... you just have to play it by ear, coupled with some self respect. Is absolutely no contact need all the time? no.

Is it needed more often than not? Yes.

Usually when it a break, its broken.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ace1978

The ex, whom I want back and told that I could not have any contact with has again tried to get in touch with me. It was three text messages two days ago and a phone call today. None of which I answered by the way.

Good job. Your doing the right thing and the truth is your winning her game. She thinks she can control you because your emotional and you driving her absolutely nuts when you don’t respond.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ace1978

Its so hard though!

It’s hard yes, but your succeeding and she’s not. So as hard as it is on you, it’s even harder on her because she loves to play emotional games, she loves to control you and she’s losing at both.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ace1978

I'm not going to lie to any of you, I really want her back and she says she's enjoying her freedom right now.

She truly might enjoy her freedom but the only reason she’s telling you that is to make you want her even more. Ace, you ex is a great emotional game player. She controls people through emotions and she knows you want her back so she likes to keep you hanging on by telling that she’s enjoying her freedom.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ace1978

Her message today said, " hi, I just really wanted to ask you something but I know you don't want to talk, bye."

Do you see all that she did in that one sentence? She said she wanted to ask you something but didn’t say what so that she could be mysterious and make you wonder and also to make you call her back. She then said she knew you didn’t want to talk as though she was smarter then you or was winning her own game.

Here’s what that says to me. She knows she’s playing games, and she knows she losing. Now she grasping at straws.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ace1978

My worry is maybe one of these times, she may say she's changed her mind and wants to try things again, and I won't answer.

If she wants to get together she’ll make obvious and not hide behind some vague statement like the one above.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ace1978

My sister brought up a good point though. My sister said," if its that important, if she wants to get back together she'll let you know. She has your e-mail, if you don't answer your phone, she'll e-mail you and tell you. Otherwise, she's just playing with you."

Your sister is dead on correct.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ace1978

I just want to know some opinions here. If what she has to say is so important, she'll find a way to convey what she needs too, right???

Yes. Absolutely she will.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ace1978

I'm so pathetic, sorry guys, I'm just being honest here.

You are not pathetic. The one that is pathetic is your ex and her emotional game playing. You are an honest, caring, wanting to do the right thing kind of man that is probably too advanced for your ex. The fact that your up front with who are should be appreciated by her and many other women, yet is somehow lost on many of them.

Now if you excuse me, I’m going to answer a post from an emotional game playing woman who wants to know why her relationship with a lying, uncaring, could care less about her married man isn’t working out. Hey that’s the exact opposite of you and that’s the kind of men women like you ex wind up with. Go figure.

Your sister gave you some excellent relationship advice. As has everyone here, I hope you take it to heart.

2 choices:

1) Return calls about "nothing" so you MAY get some A-- in the future.

2) Ignore her, so your karma and cred rise, and you may get her A-- OR something
Even better inside of 3 months.

As simple as I can make it. We are wired over thousands of years to want to slay and conquest the opposite sex. But women and men have evolved - and you have to evolve too...

The game is the same: Alpha male gets alpha female. But, the tactics are different:

*Indifference is the new aggression.(especially where immature girls and break-ups are concerned)