Ask Me Help Desk - I shoul do what I fell or what everybody thinks is correct?

I am in love with a married man... everything is special... he is that "something that u wait all your life"... and it was never about sex or having fun with a married man... and I think is the same thing with him... I know in a way that what I am doing is wrong but something is pushing me to continue... I can't stay away from him... this situation is hard for both of us and I try to understand him... I don't want to stop because is against moral rules.. where is pure love it can't be wrong in front of God so I should think about what everybody thinks?. what do you think about him? He will fight for me or he will give up on me because of the pressure of what will be in the future and what harm he will do to all the people in his life, or what the others will say, that he will be judge? I am not sure of nothing in this moment... al I know is that he is "the special one in my life and that i don't nedd nobody else but him"...

Hello

Welli know for a fact that its so important to listen to other peoples views because when we get into relationships we can become so blinded that we can't even see our own hand and we need friends and family to tell us what the score is.. I'm not saying that they are right all the time but they view things in a different way.. which is very important.. as for the married man.. I'm sorry but in my view anyone that does that to his wife.. will do the same thing to you down the road. You may think its pure love and all that.. but I doubt it.. anyway that is your choice in the matter.. we all make our own way.. I think if he really loves you he should leave his wife.. and do right by her.. first then go with you.. I think he is pretty happy having 2 chicks.. in his mind his wife has probable gotten boring for him and you're a bit of fun. But that's in my view :) and I mean no disrespect

We can't trust our feelings all the time.. they will lead us to places where we really shoundt go.. remember that. What feels right at the time can be sooo wrong!. I have stopped myself from doing so many things and in the end I have come out so much better off.

Just thing about his view though.. he can't lose in this he has 2 girls if it does not work out with you he has wifey if it don't work out with her he has you..
Never bet.. unless you know your going to win.

I think you should leave him.. tell him that OK I love you.. but first do what's right by your wife leave her.. stop seeing me and touching me while your with her.. prove yourself to me..

I personaly don't think he is worth it :) but I think that's a good 50 50 line

I hope you find what your looking for

Pure love...

Soul mates...

This is the crap said by those who are doing wrong and trying to justify it.

Look.

He might be a great guy for you, expept for the minor inconvenience of the vows for life thing, but I don't know...

Here is my best case scenario. Best case.

He loves you. His marriage is over. He needs to find a pair and end it. And then, hopefully, you are the love of his life. And he doesn't change his mind. You know, like he did with the other love of his life. His wife.

Sometimes marriages go really, really bad. Sometimes a person needs to get out when the other isn't respecting the marriage and its soured. I get that.

But he is still married. Until he gets the guts to do what is right, either suck it up and honor his vows or leave, he Isn't yours.

And you, in the meantime, are allowing yourself to be the other woman. Feel good? Would you advise your daughter to do the same?

I have NO vendetta against you. Or him. I just think that married people that cheat, and yes... unless they are divorced its cheating in my eyes, are weak. And the people they cheat with are weak as well.

So... maybe you can explain how he is better than all the other men or women who are married and have extramarital affairs. I'm sure, out of hundeds of thousands, you are the unique one.

Yes I'm being an a$$. I don't want to tell you what you want to hear.

You KNOW you are doing something screwed up. Explain if you think you can convince me otherwise. I WILL listen. I may not agree.

Ill also criticise without mercy. Its what good friends do for good friends.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

i am in love with a married man...everything is special...he is that "something that u wait all your life"...and it was never about sex or having fun with a married man...and i think is the same thing with him...i know in a way that what i am doing is wrong but something is pushing me to continue...i can't stay away from him...this situation is hard for both of us and i try to understand him ...i don't wanna stop because is against moral rules..where is pure love it can't be wrong in front of God so i should think about what everybody thinks? ...what do u think about him? he will fight for me or he will give up on me because of the pressure of what will be in the future and what harm he will do to all the people in his life, or what the others will say, that he will be judge? i am not sure of nothing in this moment...al i know is that he is "the special one in my life and that i don't nedd nobody else but him"...

If he was a real man he wouldn't dishonor his wife like that. If he truly wanted you and only you he would get a divorce and be with you. It seems like he is getting the best of both worlds and you are just fun for now. Why would you even get involved with him in the first place, it doesn't say much about your character. You need to leave the situation immediately and find someone who is not already taken. I know it sounds a lot easier said than done, but you don't need that, that must be unbelievably aggravating. Imagine having those feelings for someone else who is available, it can happen, there are millions of people out there. Everyone always feels that "this is the one" in many of their relationships, and a lot of the time it just doesn't work out. Stop sweating him, he's married, translation "off limits". How would you feel if your husband , that you made a sacred oath to, was doing this to you? Or if your father was doing that to your mother? Anyone "man" that is doing what he is doing is not a man at all and obviously has no hold on his desires and will never be satisfied or tamed.

"Pure Love" is a powerful thing.

If it is "pure" he should be divorcing his wife as I write.

That is proof he cannot live one hour without you.

For your sake, I hope that is the case. If not, perhaps it only feels pure because you live in a bubble that is care-free because not his real world or yours.

I hope you all find happiness.

How long has this been going on?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ash123

"Pure Love" is a powerful thing.

If it is "pure" he should be divorcing his wife as i write.

that is proof he cannot live one hour without you.

for your sake, i hope that is the case. if not, perhaps it only feels pure because you live in a bubble that is care-free because not his real world or yours.

I hope you all find happiness.

how long has this been going on?

Has been going for almost 1 year... I don't want to deffend him but he is a wonderful person even if I came in his life and this thing happened.. he has a conscious, we both have and we think about everybody involved in this... but is hard for me to stay away from him and for him to stay away from me... this situation is killing us... who knows what is wright or wrong? If it's meant to be will be... if we won't be together that's life,not everybody can get what he wants... I will be there for him no matter what he decides and I will do anything for him... I will remain with all the beautiful moments we shared...

No.

This is not like that.

There IS control. And ability.

This Isn't fate. This Isn't what "happens to you"...

He can make a choice. You can make a choice.

He can demand more of himself (committed or divorce) and you can demand more of yourself (respect).

And it IS that simple.

I agree a 100% with KP its all down to Choices.. and you seem to justify every action that has gone on.. you don't want this to stop.. no matter how wrong or bad you feel.. you'll keep on doing it..

You will end up getting really hurt..

Good luck though

I am sure it is BEAUTIFUL and TENDER but
If it has lasted a YEAR... I think you are looking at what it is.

My worry:
He may not respect you 100% - enough to meet his family and friends.
Or take a risk on...
But just sleep with and share secrets with... it's fun but is not real.

I can tell you from what my friend went thru: he dated a woman who's husband was a jerk and so he felt justified. She stay married... and he lost a long time of his life. But hey, we are programmed from birth to seek love, but not everyone learns how to do it.

Ask him sometime if he loves you enough to marry you and if so, when will he?
And if you don't care about that , ask what you will do 10 years from now still living in secret, with no public identity.

Do you have kids or family or a best friend?

Can you tell them, what do they say?

Or is living a lie OK?

It may honestly be that he may think you are not in his "league" - and he keeps you secret because you turn him on, but he can't share a life with you.

If this is what you say it is, then after a year of lies and deceit it is time for the both of you to go to his wife and let her know what is going on so that she can get on with her life. Let her be rid of a cheating husband, she may have morals that tell her that she is not suppose to bed down with a man that is using her as a maid while he is sleeping with someone else, so give her a chance to know what is happening.

Now I will make a bet with you Baby, you mention to him the fact that you are going to talk to his wife and I don't think you will ever see him again.

What’s up Ingerasha let me say three things.

1. You will get no sympathy from this board.
2. Wildcat will probably answer this tomorrow and will be both amazed and not amazed that yet another woman has fallen for a married man. It seems like that’s his specialty lately.
3. Your about to get Chuffed. It’s nothing personal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

i am in love with a married man...everything is special...

Except that you’re a home wrecker who thinks only about herself and not the marriage she’s ruining or the fact that if he can cheat on his wife he can….scratch that…WILL cheat on you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

he is that "something that u wait all your life"...

How many women wait all their life for a guy with a wife? When you were 8 and playing dolls did you say to the other girls, “I can’t wait to get older, fall in love and live happily ever after. I, of course, will only see him when he has time for me on the side because my dream man will be married.”

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

and it was never about sex or having fun with a married man...

Was it about getting free gifts, being bought and paid for, some guys side project, knowing you really didn’t have to commit yourself to someone, ease of getting out if something went wrong, hatred for married women, or something else I missed here?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

and i think is the same thing with him...

No. It was about the sex. That was all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

i know in a way that what i am doing is wrong

Well wake up and realize what your doing is not “in a way” wrong, bur rather completely all the way wrong.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

but something is pushing me to continue...i can't stay away from him...

See my list from above.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

this situation is hard for both of us and i try to understand him ...

PA-LEEASE! This is not hard on him. He sees you when he has an opening.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

i don't wanna stop because is against moral rules..

Yeah morals are so overrated.

How about it’s against the law? How about it’s against trust? How about it’s against yourself esteem? How about it’s against you self worth?

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

where is pure love it can't be wrong in front of God so i should think about what everybody thinks?

I can’t believe you brought God into this. Seriously if you were a guy I’d say that took balls. Do you have a F-ing clue what marriage is? Marriage is started at a ceremony called a wedding. At the wedding, friends and family members usually gather and a commitment (a promise if you will of trust) between two people. What’s interesting about these weddings is you make that promise to the on one your going to marry and you also make that commitment to God. So know you think this is pure love and God is siding with you. Okay. I’m not religious but I think I can speak for God here and say get your head out of your and quit making excuses for this ridicules behavior.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

...what do u think about him?

I think he’s a two timing, cheating user jack that should have the balls in this relationship that you seem to have.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ingerasha

he will fight for me or he will give up on me because of the pressure of what will be in the future and what harm he will do to all the people in his life, or what the others will say, that he will be judge? i am not sure of nothing in this moment...al i know is that he is "the special one in my life and that i don't nedd nobody else but him"...

He will never leave his wife. NEVER. You need anybody but him at this point. Anybody that is single I should say. I’d hate for you to ruin another marriage. If you don’t let morals, marriage, or God guide you what do you do? Other than find yourself in this exact situation?

I give up and leave you to your lunacy.

Mom, is that you?!

Sorry, it's just this thing appears well off the tracks, just adding some levity for you hardworking posters...

What's up with this dude. Do you think that he deserves you?? Love, so many people use your name in vain. Love for those who have faith in you things will never change.

First of all, how do you think his wife would feel? How would you feel? If you found out your hubby was cheating? Doesn't matter if the intent wasn't to hurt, it does hurt. So, for you to continue in a relationship with a man who has a wife, a women who loved him before you, is completely wrong. In the end you will do what you will, but honestly how would you feel in this situation? As a fiancé, if my future husband was cheating and I found out, I would be so heartbroken, so sad. I think you need to think about someone besides yourself in this. Your relationship is ruinning other ppl's lives. If he woln't be a man and come clean to his wife and break it off (even though the damage is still there) then you need to be the women and break it off. It's just not right. I feel so sorry that women has to find out her hubby is a cheat. Do the right thing. And in my opinion, you should feel a bit bad. BUT you can try to make a better situation out of it. Oh and no offense but if my hubby did ever cheat that chick has something in store for her let me tell you, lol.

I am appalled that you brought the pure love in front of God into your discussion. God honors a marriage, He has the harshest of words for a harlot defiling a marriage bed. Now Christ did forgive the woman at the well - but He also told her to go and sin no more. Got that? Sin no more. So when you throw God into this, be prepared to defend yourself.

I agree, I may not be a christian, but as a human, as a women, I know what is wrong or right. To knowingly sleep with a married man is the most sorry but $%#^ed up thing ANYONE could do and you need to stop. If you didn't know he was married, then a bit more sympathy, but still when you find out you don't leave?? What is this world coming too... *shakes head*

Agrees, I do not thump Bibles and jump up and down in fervent pitches but I get offended when someone tries to justify an affair by using a religious figure. I would not think even a non Christian religion would condone an illicit affair, but then I am not familiar with them all. In the Middle East, if you did that, expect a stoning.

Yea that is sooo true, lol. I do have a soft spot for those whose men lied and said that he wasn't married until it was too late. The wife get's mad and want's to hurt the chick and the chick really didn't know that he was taken. This rarely happen's but when it does, I can't believe people are that cruel.

Some of you are really sick. You can't get the full understanding of a situation by reading a few lines. You don't really know until you have been in that situatiion. I felt like some of you until I saw myself in the stituation. Our society tells people to follow what is in their heart and when they do you call them a low life. What gives. I'm going to contiue to live my life becsue that that is exactly what it is my gotdamn life. I heard that the man that had the largest amout of criticism for president clinton was having a full fledge affair of his own. I know the hearts of man. I know that you are here telling people how bad they are but probabably sleeping with many married people or little people at the same. I can't judge a man because I'm only a man myself. You can't judge me becaue you too are man. I am what I am and that's all that I am if you don't like me then I really don't give a Damn.