I recently found a friend that I had not seen for several years due to a misunderstanding plus age difference, currently late 20’s and 30’s. At one time we were alumni’s together. Didn’t realized how much I missed and cared about him till I saw him again. I inquired if he was married or had a relationship with anyone in which he stated he was single as was I. I found it ironic that either of us after all this time had actually found someone special in our lives yet.

Started to hang out with him things then things went rather quickly and in a short period I slept with him. Something inside told me to slow down , that I couldn’t expect this person to feel the same way after all these years, things changed, both had changed but I figured since neither of us had a commitment with anyone there was nothing wrong with it.

Soon after I started to suspect that he was not thinking the same way about our friendship. I noticed his eyes looking at other people while in my company. Then finally one time, I found a love tag on his neck and this is when I decided it was time to come clean and lay the cards on the table.

He confessed that he had been screwed over by other relationships and friends in the monetary sense. He felt he had to start over and as a male, felt incompetent because he was unable to offer anyone anything at this point and therefore was incapable of giving love to anyone. However, he did express that he valued our friendship very much and was also happy that he had found me too.

Meanwhile, I must confess, it hurt , and although I wished he would feel like I do, I value our friendship more than anything in this world! He is kind and gentle and so sweet. We still hang out and have lots of fun when we are together. But I can’t help to still hope that this friendship could develop into something more meaningful. I would like to continue and find out but I do not want to set myself up for a disappointment, get hurt nor want to be disrespected by Mr. wondering eye. I find it to be a sign of disrespect when you are spending time with the opposite sex whether it is a friend or especially a loved one and that type of behavior is going on. Is there potential or am I kidding myself?

All of your advice will be greatly appreciated and taken into consideration. I'd especially like to know what a male point of view is since this usually happens the other way around.

Sincerely,

Don’t want to lose hope

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FTP

I find it to be a sign of disrespect when you are spending time with the opposite sex whether it is a friend or especially a loved one and that type of behavior is going on. Is there potential or am I kidding myself?

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Your kidding yourself.

I’m also going to disagree with you. If you were truly just friends it wouldn’t be disrespectful for him to look a pretty woman. When your with girlfriends do you occasionally look at good looking guys? If the answer is yes then the same rules should apply to your friendship with him.

But what’s happened is you’ve crossed that friendship line, you can’t really go back now even though you say you want to. Your still emotionally attached and that’s clouding your judgment. I think he’s made it clear he’s not interested in a relationship so now it’s up to you as far as how you want to proceed. But I think if you continue like this you are only holding on to hope and it will lead to bigger heartbreak down the road when he hooks up with or starts a relationship with someone else.

Quit fooling yourself! Mr. Wonderful isn't in a relationship because he is bitter and disrespectful! He doesn't value your friendship!! If he did he would have been up front with you in the beginning, wouldn't have slept with you, and certainly wouldn't be playing with other women while playing with you. He's kind, gentle and sweet?? I think your judgement might be a bit cloudy right now as Chuff indicated above. It's difficult for me to think that those words represent him if he didn't tell you until AFTER you slept with him that he is unable to offer anything at this point and incapable of love. Well, maybe he's a bit kind... he did tell you eventually.

I think you need to let go of this 'friendship', especially if you continue to hold out hopes for a rekindled flame despite the original breakup and now his admission that he doesn't want a relationship at this point in time. Why would you continue to see him when your interest is clearly more than friendship and you would be sitting across a table seeing 'love tags' on his neck and knowing that he has told you that he doesn't want more than friendship with you?

I truly think you need to cut the ties. The original ending of the relationship was the way it was meant to be.

Didi

Bad enough he fooled you and still is, stop fooling yourself. Time to get a healthier friend, and a healthier life. Or are you waiting on him to change his mind? Don't!! Give yourself a chance to be healthy and happy.

Be careful! Everyone wants to love and be loved, but at what cost? Losing your pride and self respect? That is NOT love!

You should always know what you want to come out of a relationship with someone before you start. If you want friendship, then keep it friends and if you want more, then tell them sorry I want more. It is a way of self protection and upfront honesty that is beneficial in the long run.

Just be careful and love yourself first!