Hello, I have been dating someone for around a year now. I am a lawyer and I make around $62,000.00 a year. The Girl I am dating makes around $70,000.00 a year and has a less "glamarous" job than I and one you would expect me as the lawyer t make more money than her.

She has been very forward with her salary to me and always makes it seem as though I make more than her, when in fact that is not the case. When I read her texts to her friends she refers to me as her "sugar momma." And brags to all of her friends about the expensive things I buy her (necklaces, watches, vacations). One day, she asked me what I brought home in a week. I was startled by the question and just blurted out $1,350.00. Which is way way way more than I am bringing home in a week. I am bringing home that much pre taxes though. I feel like she was misled and thought that was post taxes which would be like 90K a year, which is just not the case. I feel terrible about this, and it makes me super uncomfortable to even approach the topic. I feel like she thinks she is with some rich lawyer and I do spoil her and buy her nice things, but I am not rich. I also inherited some money and bought a nice place to live which could further confuse her about my income. However, she does know I was able to buy that place because I inherited money not because of my salary.

I feel like she has gone and told all her friends and family how rich and fabulous I am and how much money I make. Which honestly could not be farther from the truth. I am not sure how to reconcile this. I love her a lot. I also feel like she may be pretty materialistic. And I don't want to disappoint her on how much I truly make. Granted, I am a new attorney and I have potential to be successful and make money, but at the moment I do not make that much money.

This situation has caused me a lot of anxiety. I do not like lying, especially about things like this. I am not sure what to do at this point. I do see us being together for a long time, and I think eventually this is going to come out. Any recommendations would be welcome. Should I just tell her? Should I just leave it be and hope to make more money in the next couple years? By that time she may have never known I was lying? I just don't know what to do. I hate this.

Thanks for reading.

It says a lot about you that you would beat yourself up over this and be this concerned about not being honest.

Obviously the best policy especially in a relationship is honesty. Plus the way you are beating yourself up, you know you aren't going to feel any better until you are honest.

So take it out for a nice dinner and talk to her. It could make you two closer.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Oliver2011

It says a lot about you that you would beat yourself up over this and be this concerned about not being honest.

Obviously the best policy especially in a relationship is honesty. Plus the way you are beating yourself up, you know you aren't going to feel any better until you are honest.

So take it out for a nice dinner and talk to her. It possibly could make you two closer.

Good luck!!

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Thank You for the Advice. Just curious, I am new here. How do you delete your thread?

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Originally Posted by ginas2002

Thank You for the Advice. Just curious, I am new here. How do you delete your thread?

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Good question. I have no clue. I've never deleted one of mine.

Tell her that you lied about take home pay vs gross, or say you said it by mistake. Nothing wrong with that. If she is materialistic, at least she is open about it. You are the one who is acting cagey by not telling her the truth about salary AND the inheritance. You also aren't helping the whole charade by buying her expensive gifts!

So I'm sorry to say that I don't take the stance that 'it says a lot about you' for beating yourself up - you should be. You need to find out now if her love of money is greater than her love for you, and you need to decide how you feel about her materialism.

You lied about your salary because your girlfriend made you uncomfortable when she asked how much you bring home. Your girlfriend should not make you uncomfortable; something is wrong here.

You should have been happy she makes so much, and what is glamorous about being an attorney, sit at desk all day, legal research, writing drafts. Great title, often really a lousy job.
Most attorneys don't make 100,000 many only make 40 or 50,000 working for DA office or non small companies.

You lied because you wanted to feel better than her. That shows a issue in a relationship.

You have no choice, really but to tell the truth,

1. if you tell truth, she will either break up or not.
2. if you don't tell truth, what happens when you get married and she wants to spend part of that 50,000 you don't make.


You have to admit the truth and tell her your pride got in the way

There is no way to delete the question at this point, since it is asked and answered.