Me and my ex split up at the start of October after only being back together for 6 days after being on a 3 week break so not counting that its more like mid September. It was her decision to break it off with me.

I can't get her out of my head at all, I think about her every day and pretty much all day. Its really eating away at me and I am falling drastically behind in university because its destroyed all motivation or willingness to do anything. I struggle on a daily basis and I am always fighting back the tears. Everything reminds me off her and over the last week I sent her a letter and a birthday card in an attempt to initiate something between us and try and win her back, all I got from it was being told that she doesn't love me anymore which was obviously a knife to the heart whether it was true or just a way to shake me off but as now I know I am officially in love with someone that wants nothing to do with me. I am struggling with day to day life and my mind won't let go and always tries to see hope that in time she will come back to me which I know really is false and she is far too strong and has far too much pride to do that.

I am trying to move on now as everyone had told me I need to do. I have been speaking to a couple of women over texts that I have met while out and tonight I am going for a drink with a women who so far I seem to get on with but I just feel really bad, I feel like I'm doing something wrong as though that by doing it I'm betraying my ex just as if id be cheating on her, even though she doesn't want me in her life anymore. Its as if in my mind I'm thinking that it will prevent my chances of getting back with my ex even though really I know that it won't happen unless a miracle comes along or it suddenly clicks in her head that I'm good for her.

I feel like s**t all the time and I am still deeply in love with my ex but I want to move on and do not want to be left behind in the same state when my ex will most likely get with someone else and il become a ghost of her past.

Am I doing wrong going for a drink with a women after just 2 and a half or so months when my ex is still at the fore front of my mind? Or am I just being daft and should just go for it as I'm sure that I would barely even cross my ex's mind?

"I can't get her out of my head at all, i think about her every day and pretty much all day. Its really eating away at me and i am falling drastically behind in university..."

You realize you are choosing for these things to happen, correct? Yeah breakups are difficult and they effect your emotions. But you are in control of those emotions and your feelings. It takes work but you could decide to not allow any other person to control how you feel. If you would train yourself when you get up that you are going to make this day a good day, then you will have a good day. If you train yourself when you get up that you are going to smile at the new day, then you would be smiling more. If someone asks you how you feel, what do you say? "I'm depressed... my life is over... I can't go on..." Or you can choose to say "I am feeling great and today is going to be an awesome day."

Trust me, it does work. And I don't let anyone choose for me how many times I smile every day. Like I said, it does take work. But when you are given a choice of having a sucky day or having a great day, why wouldn't you choose great day every single day?

Good luck!

Hello,

I just broke up with my girlfriend also and yes it sucks, I feel depressed too. But the bottom line is you can either feel depressed and sorry for yourself or you can do something about it. Go and meet that girl man! You are not doing anything wrong, you can basically just talk to her, maybe you'll see there's other great girls out there.

How long were you together? I called my friend yesterday who broke up with his girlfriend of 5 years a year ago and asked how many months did it take to get over her. He replyed smth like : its an ongoing process. :) So people are different too, some get over it faster, for others it takes more time.

I was with her for almost two years and I have never met anyone like her. Im not a believer in love at first sight but I believe that sometimes when you meet someone you can tell that your going to fall in love with that person, I have never felt that for anyone else like I did her. I imagine its going to take a while to fully get over with her and I reckon that I will have a small feeling of hope that she will realize she loves me and wants me back, for a long time too. Today's an even more difficult day because it would have been our two year anniversary so all I have done is sit in front of the TV with the fire on and pine. As for the drink last night, it was good, she was a nice girl and seems to be my type and shares the same humour but I couldn't help but think about my ex from time to time. All I want now is for this year to be over and to start fresh with a fresh state of mind and a new approach. I will be starting the gym again in the new year too which I'm hoping will help me to pull myself together

I read that you are in university so my guess is you are young. My guess also is that the girl may be even younger. Young girls often don't know what they want in life, reminds me of my breakup. No point in wanting her back anymore, she is gone, forget all hope of getting her back. It is her loss, you seem like a nice guy.

I suggest don't contact her as it will prolong your suffering. You also said in the original post that everything reminds you of her, try to fight that with getting rid of her stuff, pictures, items that were bought together etc...

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Originally Posted by snakenath

I was with her for almost two years and i have never met anyone like her. Im not a believer in love at first sight but i believe that sometimes when you meet someone you can tell that your going to fall in love with that person, i have never felt that for anyone else like i did her. I imagine its going to take a while to fully get over with her and i reckon that i will have a small feeling of hope that she will realize she loves me and wants me back, for a long time too. Todays an even more difficult day because it would have been our two year anniversary so all i have done is sit in front of the tv with the fire on and pine. As for the drink last night, it was good, she was a nice girl and seems to be my type and shares the same humour but i couldnt help but think about my ex from time to time. All i want now is for this year to be over and to start fresh with a fresh state of mind and a new approach. I will be starting the gym again in the new year too which im hoping will help me to pull myself together

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Seriously dude you are going to wait another 27 days to start your life again? Read what you posted and be honest with yourself. Now repeat after me - do it... "Self - I am choosing to be miserable."

People are so conditioned into being miserable. Yes breakups are difficult. Yes it does take time to get over the person, the routine, the whatever. But you don't have to choose to add to it by doing nothing all day except sit in your living room in front of a fire. Seriously.

I broke up with the love of my life in 2005 I think. It was one of the most difficult things I've done to date. However, I chose to continue my life. Now I am with the most amazing person in my world and so much better off.

I am not trying to be harsh - please forgive me if you think that I am being harsh. It pains me when I see people allow themselves to be in pain. Just as you choose to be miserable, you can choose to not be miserable. It is difficult at first, but you won't get there by sitting in front of that fire just dwelling on that issue. Don't wait 27 days man!!

Im 23 and she turned 28 last Thursday. Yeh I see what you guys qre saying. Im just got good at such a big change and I feel like I've lost so much. Im just going through the whole there is no future and I'm doomed stage. I struggle to think how I can possibly find someone that was as beautiful and generally as compatible as her for me, I mean christ you would think we had known each other since we were kids with how we were and I could say and do things with her that I couldn't possibly imagine being able to with someone else. Im trying to move forward which is what I was trying to do with going for drinks with that girl. I Worry that I'm going to struggle to love someone else without the fear of them just doing a runner on me as my ex told me she loved me one minute and then found it so easy to block me out of her life and tells me she don't love me. How can anyone who really loves someone rip that person apart with such ease. There are things that obviously I can't comprehend with women especially with the fact that all she wanted originally was love and affection and someone to be there for her as so many guys in her past have walked all over her and because I am that guy it just gets thrown in my face and it feels like she's become the people that she described had given her so much hurt. These things make me worry and for the first time show heavy caution towards women. The thought of these things and the thought of going into the future without the women I love just kills me. I don't want to be left behind while my ex moves on and lives up life without a thought of me but I don't know how long it will be until I can see myself fully handing my heart over to another women

The no future and fear stage is completely normal, don't worry. You will find someone who is even better by meeting lots of new girls. Sometimes women are difficult to understand I know. But you can't say based on that 1 relationship that all women are like that.

Look at this video if you have time: Relationship Advice | A Contrarian Guide | Full Length HD - YouTube
The man has got some good points.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...al-719421.html

Its only been a week since you accepted the breakup if you truly have so you need a lot more time because that 2 months you spent pining and scheming doesn't count as NO CONTACT, so in 6 months you will be better. IF you stick with absolutely NO CONTACT what so ever.