Ask Me Help Desk - My boyfriend looks at porn

My boyfriend watches porn whenever I'm not at home on the laptop or late night on TV. I give him enough attention I try new things but I know he's just mad about other women taking there clothes off. Ever since I lost weight on my breasts. He doesn't want to sleep with me anymore not even hug me kiss me notice anything I try to do to arouse him. Ive started feeling silly and cry myself to sleep. Alone. Its been months. He will complement other girls and when it comes to anyone decent he won't spot them. Strange because I'm the opposite to what he looks at. He deletes everything on the computet completely denies it. Even though it pops up on the browser. Spends no time with me or his two yr old son and I've just ran out of ideas. The other day I said I want to get my mind cleared get a job instead of being a full time mum get my life bk. However he doesn't care he would want me to sit at home with the baby so he's even increased his working hrs making sure il stay home. Its breakung me inside I feel ugly like I'm nothing. If I do one thing he prefers another if I try what he likes he says change it bk. Sadest thing is I fell down the stairs a two days ago I asked him to massage my bk lightly he sighed and said not in the mood. Got his laptop and said you can have the bed il sleep downstairs.. What should I do.. My hearts snapped you was wrapping his christmas presants getting them ready thinking of him and when I threw extra wrapping in the bin I saw loads of used sperm tissues. Its got so bad because now I've stopped hugging him or kissing him because I've noticed he never actually approaches me. Please tell me what to do I'm so upset I don't even want to get up to play with my son. I left my whol family for this man you have nobody to even babysit for me to go out distract myself through work or even be normal.

And why would he deny it. The whole lying thing makes me feel like I'm silly for knowing the truth. He even shouts sometimes when I ask him telling me I'm sick for thinking that. Now its starting to effect all areas of my life I'm getting more and more upset because he lies.. The new job he's taken is a delivery driving job where some nights if he goes far he stays in a hotel all night. This is something I actually don't mention anything about although I've recently started feeling like a single mum with no life

If it were me, I would leave...

My patience tolerance is very low for bs. I realize you have a child involved which makes it harder, but I don't see it getting any better if he is not willing.

Just like the old school song goes... it take two to make a thing go right.

I think you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel. In the long run if this guy is keep hurting you, you need to leave him. No one should ever cry themselves to sleep and think their ugly because everyone is beautiful and I truly believe that.

Get help! It's not fair for you to be isolated and to feel so unloved and undervalued and even though he's the one acting like the loner by retreating into porn or spending time alone -- he's probably feeling very disconnected himself. This is not a healthy atmosphere for your family. Talk to him about getting help - there are family therapists who work on sliding scale (if he balks about the funds) and for free.
Otherwise, it would be healthier for you to move on in your life.

As an aside - you need a life of your own with people, friends and activities other than living like a single mum without a partner. Advocate for it and make it happen. There's no reason for him (and his job/wishes) to be more important than yours.

It is not really the porn it is he ignoring you. There are other issues, and weight is not most likely one of them. He has other issues or problems and the relationship has more issues.

This is just one obvious signs.

I would say separate NOW and then if he wants to try and make it work start with counseling.

Everybody thanku so much although I don't know you all uve been very helpful. It's the first time in five years I've been heard and advised. I was really afraid of the response at first I didn't think anybody would listen. Thanku its given me a piece of mind

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

It is not really the porn it is he ignoring you. There are other issues, and weight is not most likely one of them. He has other issues or problems and the relationship has more issues.

This is just one obvious signs.

I would say separate NOW and then if he wants to try and make it work start with counseling.

Quote:

Everybody thanku so much although I don't know you all uve been very helpful. It's the first time in five years I've been heard and advised. I was really afraid of the response at first I didn't think anybody would listen. Thanku its given me a piece of mind

Im glad we were all able to help.