Ask Me Help Desk - Confused?

Confused?

Hi everyone

I can really use some help.
I am in a relationship with my fiancé for 4 years now and from the start there has been problems, but I love him very much. He does not sleep with me but I catch him watching porn. He does not protect me, other men can be rude to me, abuse me and even threaten me and he will do nothing even if I ask him please.

I do everything for him, even give him a bath when he hurt his back, he comes home at 9 at night and just goes to bed.
I am not clingy and not high maintenance I even grow my own vegetable garden to save him money. I am a 65kg 22 year old woman but think that the problem is me.

Please help and thank you.
Odette

I don't get why you love someone that treats you this way, and why you are still there. Please elaborate and explain.

Have you tried talking to him? If not try talking to him. Communication is always good. But its not good how he doesn't stick up for you. So make sure you bring this topic up to him.

I see signs of co-dependency. Her fiancé treats her bad, she does everything for him and still she blames herself. Somebody correct me if I'm wrong. I think you should leave him and seek professional help.

Codependency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alexis Dubree

have you tried talking to him? if not try talking to him. communication is always good. but its not good how he doesn't stick up for you. so make sure you bring this topic up to him.

I do talk to him and each time I ask why he just ignores when men grope me or hit me etc. he has one of three answers: I don't know, I have no answer or just silence.

The reason I stay with him is because I love him, or so I think. I am not a material girl and I do not ask for much, just love, affection and protection. These are supposed to come natural to a man, sorry Im not sexist.

I am afraid to make a decision and that it will be the wrong one. When I tell him I think we should break up he does not even try to fight for me or anything.
O and he does not want to 'touch' me, if you know what I mean, and does not have an answer for me why.

Sorry if I sound like the biggest pitty party, just fed up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SantasHelper

I see signs of co-dependency. Her fiance treats her bad, she does everything for him and still she blames herself. Somebody correct me if im wrong. I think you should leave him and seek professional help.

Codependency - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Thank you very much, I do not know why I am so stupid. I think I am afraid of beieng alone after 4 years.

You are not the problem.

Your fiancé's behavior is really odd; he's clearly suffering from depression.

Why he would ask you to marry him if he won't support you or sleep in the same bed with you? My gut is telling me that he's gay and is using you to hide it.

Advice: break off the engagement and leave him. Don't bother asking him if you ought to break up, just break up with him. You will find someone else.

Why are you in a area or place where men grope you ? Why are you at a place where men insult you ?

I have to wonder why you are putting yourself in situations like this. My wife has never been groped, perhaps a x when she was out drinking in bars years ago.

Why are men insulting you and how and where, Is he there when it happens.

It sounds like this is not a relationship at all, and that you moved in before it was one. Unless he changed.

It sounds like he wanted a live in maid, to cook, clean and so all the work, and he has to do nothing.

Chuck is right. You're not his fiancée, you're an unpaid servant. The basic affection, communication, and trust that make up a relationship are missing. He shows you no affection, refuses to communicate, and you can't trust him defend and support you.

You need to leave. Yes, it will probably be hard to be on your own after four years, but you'll adapt. Take the time (which probably means at least a year) to figure out who you are outside of a relationship, what you want/need from a relationship, and become confident in your independence before getting into another relationship. Without that time, you'll fall into a similar pattern, and likely have the same problems, again.