Hi there thank you for your time.

My boyfriend left me. He found some mildly inappropriate texts between another guy and me. He tried to get it out of his head and stay together but it haunted him and he became resentful and lost all trust. He had not had a girlfriend nor loved in 4 years due to his fear of this exact scenario. We felt we were soul mates, and I broke his heart. I’ve done loads of soul searching to answer why I sabotaged my relationship. Maybe the attention from guys makes me feel more desired or confident... weird. When I had everything I wanted within him... anyway he says he doesn’t see me the same anymore and I have moved out. The day after I had moved out he had his profile on a dating sight. I love this man more than a word he’s was my future, but I broke his heart badly. He said he can’t forgive me and vie made him feel like a fool. He doubts every word that comes out of my mouth. Now this guy is a pessimist to begin with, he a very black and white non compassionate jaded man. He says he doesn’t want to open his heart and forgive and move forward, that I’m full of why would he open it back up when I showed him the first time what I’m capable of doing to it. . More than anything I want to get my love back, do you think after some time I should try to reopen the door or just walk away from the man of my life. We had a wonderful connected in love relationship but maybe the hurt and distrust has just blocked me out of his head.

He’s a jaded heart to begin with, but in all honesty we truly had a soul mate connection, probably why I hurt him and myself so badly. Double question, does him being on the sight mean he wants to move on. I’m devastated. This was the man of a life time and I killed his heart. Help

You keep trying to justify your having wronged him and place the blame on him for being so black-or-white thinking and a pessimist and "a non-compassionate jaded man." Gee, if only he were a little open-minded that he could accept the love of his life cheating on him!

It's time you find out (with a counselor?) why you needed applause from another (more than one?) guy besides the one who loved you. Once that gets done, I hope you will be able to start from square one and find someone who is willing to trust you. It sounds like the current relationship is over.

Sounds like he has trust issues and anything would have set him off. He had not had a relationship in 4 years yet he was on a dating sight the day after you broke up? That does not sound right. How long were you two dating?
I'd say leave him alone. You would be walking on eggshells with him all the time.

Interesting how Homegirl and I differ on this one. We usually are on the same page. Hmmmm. I might be wrong for the first time in my life!

I did wonder about his snooping on your phone, but maybe you two agreed to allow that for each other (big mistake!).

Doesn't mean you're wrong Wondergirl, we both saw different things. I could very well be wrong.

No matter which of us is "right" (and we both may be right), a few sessions with a counselor would help shellbelliz get this sorted out.

I don't know your history or how long this relationship has been going on, but it obvious your hurt has you seeing this through an emotional eye, and maybe not seeing his true nature and red flags that you have ignored about hi character far, and the way he ended things. He wants it to be ALL your fault to justify he was ready to explore because he felt he no longer controlled you absolutely.

He probably has hidden these feeling from you, or you missed them and this break up may be a blessing in disguise. For now it hurt but it will get better, when you heal enough over time to realize you are strong enough to be better, find better, and love BETTER!

I have no idea about the inappropriate online stuff though, but obviously he does. The way he handled it though was a bit to strong, but as I said I don't know your history.